Good grief! I always made a list of things that we would need for the party and split it up between the kids. If there was an issue the parent could come talk to me and we could figure something out. It's really not that big of a deal!
My sons old school would do that. But they would send the note home the day before the event. I stopped participating. When they questioned me.. I told them I don't sit around waiting for their last minute demands. You want it? Buy it with the damn tuition I pay you.
they normally have the kids take turns bringing things in. im sure if you were unable to provide the items listed, the proper thing to do would be to let the teacher know that way she can assign it to someone else.
plates and napkins cost about 1 dollar each at the school store.
its valentines and im sure they had halloween parties and christmas parties, it may very well just be your childs turn in rotation.