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kimkrys1
If your husband cheated and you found out
February 13, 2013 at 10:55 AM

And you and he miraculously worked it out, would you secretely keep up with him? 

My husband had a one night stand with an old girlfriend (long story but I was the one that introduced them again not knowing they had a past!!).  He told me and after ALOT of prayer and open, honest communication, we decided to stay together.  Now 4 years later we are stronger than we have ever been in our marriage. 

Up until recently, I kept tabs on his phone line (I can see who he calls and texts on our online bill) and he doesnt know.  The last time I did this his main phone calls and texts were to me.  I havent looked since because I really do trust him now.

Would you secretly keep tabs?

I think I've either liked or responded to everyone's comments (I'm still learning cafe mom and its hard to keep up!!) Thanks for all your responses alot of you guys know what it's like to stay in a marriage that was originally doomed to fail!!! 


Replies

  • wilesmomma
    February 13, 2013 at 10:57 AM
    You haven't worked it out if you're still keeping tabs.
  • kimkrys1
    February 13, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    We have... but forgiving and forgetting are two totally different things.. our counselor said there would be suspicions for a long time.  And as I said until recently (last month) I did this.  I dont anymore. 

    Did you want to answer the question? Would YOU?

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    My husband kept his guard up for a while after finding out about my affair. It use to be that I couldn't even run to the store for 20 minutes before he was calling asking why I was taking so long. If I needed to run out at night after he was in bed he would wake up very paranoid and grill me in the morning about where I went. I know he looked at my phone often, even though he thinks I didn't notice, but after a few years he realized I wasn't going anywhere and that I was honest about wanting to be trusted again, and not ever breaking his trust again, so he stopped being so suspicious of every move I made.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM
    Dh had an emotional affair from September 11 to December 11. When I found out I did the same I wanted him to feel my pain. We both forgave each other and our marriage has been stronger then ever. I stopped going through his phone in may of 12. I don't worry anymore. I'm sure had it been physical I would probably still worry.
  • supermomz25
    February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    number one, my husband wouldn't have the balls to cheat on me
    number two, my husband and I keep no secrets
    number three, my husband and I completely trust each other
    number four, if I ever thought something fishy was going on, I would confront him directly, not sneak around and keep tabs on him

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM
    I'm sure I would, but it's not something I'd want to have to deal with. I'm glad things worked out for you.
  • Megan11587
    February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM
    I wouldn't have it in me to stay. I would always want to keep tabs and I can't live like that.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    i would be so happy that i could finally put my marriage behind me 

    i love him / love my kids / love my life 

    hate being married to a man that has a very imature and limited intimacy level ---  i have been having an affair for 3 years and it has kept me from walking out and screwing up things for him and the kids financially and emotionally ....  yep wrong .... yep go ahead and bash ... but yep makes me happy and need him in my life....  even if on the side from time to time -- we are talking 6 - 8 times a year only -- but man are they amazing dates and if i got caught --- it would just make the process of getting a divorce ugly and painful but --- none the less i know the risks and love my S/O and love my life with both men in it. 

  • NBean311
    February 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    No. If I had prayed, and we had open, honest communication... Then I would be left with no reason to keep abs. 

    If I still felt the need, then clearly things weren't as open and honest as they appeared. 

  • Megan11587
    February 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    This was a hypothetical question, crazy.

    Quoting supermomz25:

    number one, my husband wouldn't have the balls to cheat on me
    number two, my husband and I keep no secrets
    number three, my husband and I completely trust each other
    number four, if I ever thought something fishy was going on, I would confront him directly, not sneak around and keep tabs on him


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