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Anonymous
Is it selfish?
by Anonymous
February 11, 2013 at 12:00 PM

Ok a little back story,  my DH got out of the Marine Corps about 2 years ago and when he got out he wanted to go back to Oregon where we are from and I did not.  Well he found a great school, and we ended up coming to Oregon.  But we agreed that it was only going to be for while he was in school then we were going to move back down south where I wanted to be.  Well while we are here, he decided that he wants to go to another school to further his degree, which I don't like but I agreed to that because school is very important. 

 Well he is about graduate with his first degree, and we have 3 more for his second, and he just landed his DREAM job.  Amazing pay, benefits, everything he wants in a job.  Which is great that will be great experience for when we move.  But now he is saying that he wants to buy a house here and just stay permanently.  And I don't want to.  I have followed him around for his jobs for the past 8 years and never really complained.  But I feel like it is my turn to get what I want.  But he says I am being selfish because he is the one working and I am a SAHM so I should just be happy with that. 

So am I being selfish in still wanting to move in 3 years when he graduates with his second degree like we have planned for the last 2 years?  I kind of feel like I am but at the same time I really do hate it here!

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    February 11, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    BUMP

  • momof2bears04
    February 11, 2013 at 12:08 PM

    If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.

    I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.

    This is just my opinion obviously.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 11, 2013 at 12:08 PM
    Sorry I'm no help. I grew up in Oregon and love it. I would move back.
  • bjsgrl
    by bjsgrl
    February 11, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    Not really selfish, because you did move for him. On the other hand, if he is working a good job, I would stay where the job is. Maybe compromise in 3 years when the time comes, but dont worry about it right now.

  • destiny2nv
    February 11, 2013 at 12:11 PM
    In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.

    I would drop it, and you can always vacation
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 11, 2013 at 12:12 PM
    They had a deal. She isn't being selfish. He is.


    Quoting destiny2nv:

    In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.


    I would drop it, and you can always vacation

  • Antonia464
    February 11, 2013 at 12:13 PM

    I can see why you'd be upset, especially if he is using the fact that he is the only one working to dictate your life choices as a family. At the same time though, I can see why he wants to stay. Solid future, good career, etc. Why exactly don't you like where you live? Maybe you could get in to some classes or something that would fulfill you and take your focus off of WHERE you live instead of HOW you live.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 11, 2013 at 12:15 PM

    This minus living in the south. Dh is my best friend and partner for life. If he got a good job somewhere and we had to move I would. We live in the town I grew up in. Talk at work is that he could get promoted and transferred across the country. Will it be hard, yes. Will I be sad and miss my home town, yes. But we need to do what is best for our family and as long as we are all together, I will be happy.

    Quoting momof2bears04:

    If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.

    I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.

    This is just my opinion obviously.


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    February 11, 2013 at 12:17 PM

     I have never liked it here, it is cold and rainy most of the year and I just don't like it.  We moved about 8 hours away from all of our friends and family so we are in the same state but not exactly where we are from.  And I am not really mad, more disappointed because for the past 2 years we have been planning to move and now we just are not.  I do not have a career yet, we both decsided that I would stay home until our youngest is in school full time, then I would go back to school.  But we still have 3 years until that happens.

    And I have tried to like it here.  It has been 2 years, but I still miss the sunshine!  I am just not happy here.  And he knows how much I hate it here and that is why we were only going to be here for him to finish school.  I won't break up my family over this.  I love him more than anything, and I will support him in this.  I just feel like once again what I want is being pushed aside.

    Quoting momof2bears04:

    If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.

    I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.

    This is just my opinion obviously.

     

  • destiny2nv
    February 11, 2013 at 12:17 PM
    I understand that, but things happen, it's just my personal opinion. And I would never ask my dh to compromise his career I think she should wait a few more years.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    They had a deal. She isn't being selfish. He is.




    Quoting destiny2nv:

    In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.



    I would drop it, and you can always vacation

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