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Anonymous
I guess im a BAD SM because i ACTUALLY care!!
by Anonymous
February 8, 2013 at 2:02 PM

Y does actually caring about my SD make me a bad SM ? Its not my fault the BM only cares about alcohol until we threaten her extra income by fighting for more custody!

So what am i supposed to do?? Only care about my and DH baby? If i do that what would happen to my SD she needs a GOOD female role model on her life doesn't she?

So why am i a bad SM for caring and loving her as my own?

Replies

  • Stephd710
    February 8, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    You arent.  BM's should be happy to have SM's like you in their children's lives.  I dont know why ANY mother would NOT want the SM to care or be involved.  I would feel horrible if my kids had to go stay with a woman who didnt care about them and didnt want to do stuff with them.  

  • Kaelaasmom
    February 8, 2013 at 2:07 PM

     *accepting

    It is one thing to love a child as your own and a totally different thing to claim a child as your own.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    February 8, 2013 at 2:07 PM

    Thank u im tied of people being rude and saying Its only my DHs responsibility to care for his DD. and that i need to back off!


    Quoting Stephd710:

    You arent.  BM's should be happy to have SM's like you in their children's lives.  I dont know why ANY mother would NOT want the SM to care or be involved.  I would feel horrible if my kids had to go stay with a woman who didnt care about them and didnt want to do stuff with them.  



  • Stephd710
    February 8, 2013 at 2:10 PM

    Being a stepparent is one of the hardest things in the world to do.  To love a child that your husband had with another woman is hard.  It takes someone with extreme compassion.  I did it for 9 years and I still have contact with the kids even though I divorced their dad.  Their BM called me after my divorce (we never got along while I was married) and apologized and said she was glad I cared for her children the way I did and that I was welcome in their lives forever as far as she was concerned.  That was really nice to hear after all those years of thinking I was doing something wrong by caring. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Thank u im tied of people being rude and saying Its only my DHs responsibility to care for his DD. and that i need to back off!


    Quoting Stephd710:

    You arent.  BM's should be happy to have SM's like you in their children's lives.  I dont know why ANY mother would NOT want the SM to care or be involved.  I would feel horrible if my kids had to go stay with a woman who didnt care about them and didnt want to do stuff with them.  





  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    February 8, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    BM will never like me she got married to try and make my DH jealous and now shes miserable because it backfired and my DH and I couldnt be happier all she does is complain about her husband and goes out to the bars and parties with other guys


    Quoting Stephd710:

    Being a stepparent is one of the hardest things in the world to do.  To love a child that your husband had with another woman is hard.  It takes someone with extreme compassion.  I did it for 9 years and I still have contact with the kids even though I divorced their dad.  Their BM called me after my divorce (we never got along while I was married) and apologized and said she was glad I cared for her children the way I did and that I was welcome in their lives forever as far as she was concerned.  That was really nice to hear after all those years of thinking I was doing something wrong by caring. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Thank u im tied of people being rude and saying Its only my DHs responsibility to care for his DD. and that i need to back off!


    Quoting Stephd710:

    You arent.  BM's should be happy to have SM's like you in their children's lives.  I dont know why ANY mother would NOT want the SM to care or be involved.  I would feel horrible if my kids had to go stay with a woman who didnt care about them and didnt want to do stuff with them.  







  • momcat437
    February 8, 2013 at 2:15 PM

     You're not!  What you are is fortunate to have a SD that you actually care for--I, myself, do not care for mine (she's 23 and I definitely have my reasons)...

  • lauren.m
    February 8, 2013 at 2:16 PM
    I am biomom my kids have a sm i am very glad she cares for them. They live with me but at least i know when they visit her theyll have a good time. Maybe bm is just bitter?
  • LizzieAnnesMom
    February 8, 2013 at 2:19 PM

    Not sure who told you it was bad to care, but they were wrong.

  • Arabellas_Mommy
    February 8, 2013 at 2:19 PM
    I hate my DSS BM for lots of reasons one being that she'd rather do anything other than taking care of her son. She'll just drop him off with anyone who'll watch him. Even after I had barely started dating my SO and had only met her a few times she would ask me to take him even though SO wasn't around. Now mind you SO would never date someone or introduce his son to someone he didn't trust to have around him, but this woman didn't know me at all (I'm an uber momma bear when it comes to my babies.) On the bright side though, BM seems to like me and she'll let me keep DSS even while his dad is away. And at least all the adults involve know he is being well cared for.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    February 8, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    Its not about SD that she cares its about her loosing the precious $150 a month she gets that she spends on drinking the very night we give it to her! We have 50/50 custody and so we pay very little in CS but if we get Primary even just 2 extra days a month which is all were trying to do so that SD is with us during the school year every week so that she actually goes to school, she will loose that money and thats her only problem because we keep SD 85% of the time now but since were still paying her she doesnt care!


    Quoting lauren.m:

    I am biomom my kids have a sm i am very glad she cares for them. They live with me but at least i know when they visit her theyll have a good time. Maybe bm is just bitter?



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