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My husband is abusing me.. is it possible to save our marriage? UPDATE on page 32
by Anonymous
February 7, 2013 at 11:39 PM

 I've been with my husband for three years.  We have two small children together. 

 The abuse didn't start until i was pregnant with our first child. When I say abuse, I want to clarify what I'm talking about. He's emotionally and verbally abusive in a sence that he belittles me frequently, talks to me like I'm inferior to him, screams at me & picks on me for my shortcomings, usually when we are fighting. He always seems to find a way to blame me whenever things happen. When he hits me, its always out of anger and doesn't happen on a constant basis. It usually depends on how stressed out he is. He doesn't usually leave bruise marks. He chokes and punches me. Never in the face but he has punched me in the back of the head a few times. 

Today we got into an arguement  over struggles that we are having financially. I feel like we should handle these things together, but he always  gets worked up and takes it out on me. Today we were in our bedroom. The kids were playing & I was trying to talk to him about our situation. He took a temper tantrum and walked off. You would think the fact that I know how he gets when he's upset would have made me stay upstairs, and I should have, but I went downstairs & tried to talk to him. I left the children upstairs, baby gate was up so they couldn't get out. Things got heated between him and I so I went upstairs to sit with my kids. When I got up there, they were sitting on my bed covered head to toe in powdered Ajax. I hid it behind my dresser awhile ago and forgot about it. My oldest toddler somehow found it (it wasn't out in the open or an easy to reach place I swear). I panicked and ran them into the bathtub. I brang them downstairs to get diapers put on them. I handed my youngest to him (1 yo) and started putting a diaper on my toddler. He suddenly freaked out. He sat the baby on the couch, ran over to me and started punching me. I huddled in a ball & kept repeating "please stop, please stop". My children were crying and that made me cry. Eventually he did stop. The children getting into Ajax was the trigger, he was angry because I "allowed" it to happen.  This was probably the worst incedence as of now. 

I desperately want to make my marriage work. He's a good man and I know he loves me, as surprising as that sounds. He grew up in a very violent home and doesn't seem to know how to have a normal relationship. He feels like he has to "punish" me when he feels I've done wrong. He has a very sweet side  typically and hasn't hit our kids. 

What I'm worried about is firstly, he doesn't mind doing this in front of our kids and lastly he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 


 

Replies

  • svolkov
    by svolkov
    February 7, 2013 at 11:40 PM
    Um no. Hes a piece of shit
    Take photos and run
  • svolkov
    by svolkov
    February 7, 2013 at 11:41 PM
    And I speak from experience.
  • winkyloafer
    February 7, 2013 at 11:41 PM
    Possible? Yes. Worthwhile? No.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    February 7, 2013 at 11:41 PM

    leave leave LEAVE.  

    if not for yourself, your kids.  LEAVE.  

  • shivasgirl
    February 7, 2013 at 11:42 PM

    why would you want to? I believe in doing whatever it takes to make your marriage work, but physical abuse is the line in the sand

  • lifeisajoy
    February 7, 2013 at 11:44 PM

    intensive counseling with him out of the home during that counseling--if he refuse counseling and refuse to leave for awhile then no-then pile for a PFA, file for a divorce and leave

  • weezer_cookie
    February 7, 2013 at 11:44 PM
    HE IS NOT A GOOD MAN!!!! Fucking leave him!!! Your kids deserve better. Do you want them to think this is an acceptable way to be treated or how to treat their partner?! Because that is exactly what you're doing by staying. Please please go!!
  • misskriss10
    February 7, 2013 at 11:45 PM

    I don't mean to sound rude but why would you want to stay with someone that does that to you?

    However, if you are adamant about staying, go to therapy and let him know that you will NOT accept that behavior. If things don't change after that then leave. Don't put yourself through that. 

  • ColleenF30
    February 7, 2013 at 11:45 PM

    It only gets worse...please get out of there before he begins abusing the kids too.

  • NewMamaBoo
    February 7, 2013 at 11:46 PM

    Um no he's not a good man. Sorry but to treat you like that...crazy to stay. he is not capable of having a healthy relationship. Call the councilor. Get your kids out of there. Please. You can't let the kids think this is ok. You are teaching them its normal to have an abusive family life. They may pick it up in the long run. Get out and be brave for yourself and more so for your kids. They deserve a healthy home.

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