My son is 8 years old. He is generally a good kid but he has some issues that are happening a lot more lately than they have in the past. Mostly he does not do what he is told unless you pretty much yell it at him. It is like if you are talking to him in a normal tone he hears you but he doesn't care that you said anything untill you yell at him. Sometimes he just flat out ignores us and pretends like the didn't hear us.
He has also been being a typical kid trying to see what he can get away with... Last week I caught him trying to sneak his game tablet under his covers so that he could play with it after bed time. I grounded him from it for a week. He had it back for 4 days. When I went to wake him up for school on Monday I found him passed out on his bedroom floor right next to the open tablet. I took it and grounded him from all electronics (tv, video games, computers, playing on my phone, and his tablet) and desserts/treats for two weeks. Tonight, an hour after bed time, I crept down the hall and caught him watching a movie on his tv ( I KNOW!! I should have taken the tv -and the tablet- out of his room from the start but he just got the tv for Christmas so I was hesitant to take it away so soon.
I removed the tv from his room tonight and because his younger sister's tv (which was bought used for her for Christmas) is already not playing dvds any more, I am giving it to her and he will no longer have access to a tv in his room. *Neither of their tvs are hooked up to cable/satelite/etc. They are for dvds and music cds with parental approval only. His sister is four years old and visits us every other weekend.
I don't expect perfect behavior from our son but I do expect a certain amount of respect and I feel like he has lost all sense of respect for adults and for our rules and boundaries.
I need some fresh ideas on ways to discipline him. I have tried grounding, spanking, loss of privelages, extra chores but nothing seems to be getting through to him. What have you done that was successful with your kids?
*update* On our way home from school I told him his chores (clean his bedroom, his bathroom, and the play room) needed to be done before he did anything else. He kept coming out of his room and at one point he even snuck outside to ride his bike. At the end of the day... he had not done ANYTHING except for put away his hot wheels which he got back out and had been playing with.
At bed time toinght I told him the usual "brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, go to bed". We went through our normal bed time rituals and I turned his lights out and closed his door. About half an hour later I hear sounds coming from his room (thuds and similar sounds). So I went outside and peeked through his window and caught him tumbling around in his room like a ninja. So I went back inside (cause I don't want him to think about me being able to see him through his window... actually that sounds kind of creepy but it's the truth) and flung his door open and had a long talk with him about how I love him very much but I don't feel like he respects me at all or cares about what I say and that I don't want to be a mean mom or spank him about every little thing that he does (spanking is his VERY least favorite punishment... he would rather be grounded to his empty room all day than have one swat on the butt with my hand). I didn't set any specific punishments because I haven't figured anything out for sure yet (but I really like the idea of the rewards chart with tokens and the discipline chart). I need to have something solid figured out before he gets home from school tomorrow so that we can sit down and talk about our new plan.
Any further suggestions are welcome but the anon who is bashing me can knock it off. I'm not going to be responding to any bash responses Anon or not.
by Anonymous - Original PosterFebruary 6 at 10:56 PM
by Anonymous - Original PosterFebruary 6 at 11:07 PM
by AnonymousFebruary 6 at 11:11 PM
My kids are now 24-1/2, 20, 18, and 10.
I have not had to work this hard to get them to mind me. I think they are all people pleasers because they honestly do care what we think. They have respected me most of the time, except when their emotions got away with them.
If he is willingful being disobedient, institute a no warning/first time obedience rule. Get him looking at you, tell him what you expect, then he has to obey the first time or punishment will be immediate every.single.time without exception. He has to get used to responding without argument to your commands (not requests, as he has shown he does not respect polite requests). It may take some doing on your part.
Look at it as kid boot camp. Not only expect first time obedience, but take everything but a bed and his clothes from his room. All toys become yours to control. He can gradually earn them back one by one by demonstrating obedience. He can go to school, do his homework, eat, bathe and sleep. Those are his only options until he earns the other privileges back.
February 6 at 11:19 PM
I have a 7yr old and I have issues too.
I asked him the other day if he heard my voice the first time I asked him to do something. He said yes. Then I said when I ask you to do something, he should be able to obey the first time I ask. He knows my voice and he knows how to obey so he better.
Now, I do have to sometimes touch his shoulder to really make sure he is listening. Sometimes they just don't hear us. Also, when you ask him to do something, make sure he is making eye contact with you and have him repeat back to you what he is supposed to do. Make the request in as little words as possible. ex: he needs to pick up the toys. I say, "Nate, legos, picked up now." Something to that effect.
Ok, so I have to take away the wii or the computer. He hates getting the wii taken away. He gets spankings too when he choses to disobey. My choice to spank so if other people dont like it, thats their problem. It works for us.
Oh, we have a Gotcha being good containers for our boys. I bought some poker chips. Put their names on the containers. Just plastic leftover containers. Nothing fancy. Anyways, each kid gets a colored poker chip. When I catch them being good, they get a chip. I have finally made a reward chart for that. They can hand back to me a certain amount of chips to get something good. Like extra time on the wii, or stay up 1/2 hour past bedtime with me and dh, lunch date with either me or dh. Things like that. My kids loved it! They deliberetly do good things just to get a chip or two! I find my oldest is better behaved when he knows those chips are there!
And yes, take the electronics out of his room. Thats not helping. Sorry.
by chane_LFebruary 6 at 11:22 PM
with my boys if it is a morals issue i take them to their great grandma's house. Not for fun time but to scrub the baseboards or do yard work (pick up sticks and any trash) Of course she gives them a lecture about being better boys. Sometimes even if that relative is saying the same thing you are it gets through those lil thick skulls.
by ChildofaresFebruary 6 at 11:23 PM
Mine will rarely hear me the first time I say something. I always thought it was a boy thing. I have to also make him repeat what I said since he often only listens to the first 3 words. Sometimes I gently give him a rub on the shoulder and bend down to his level. I find it really gets his attention much better
by DyerMakerFebruary 6 at 11:23 PM
White out a consequence/reward contract. You both sit down and agree to the punishment or reward up front. When something happens, either positive or negative STICK to what is written.
by whoopsie16February 6 at 11:36 PMlike someone else said, have them write the rules several times. my mom always had us write "i will clean my room when my mother tells me too" or whatever they do wrong 10x and if we sassed her itd turn to 20 then 40 ect. another thing my mom used to do is have us face a wall or a door and hold our arms out. they had to be straight and shed make us stand that way for atleast 15mins if we didnt keep our arms out or we complained then the time would increase. or shed have us sit on the floor facing a corner and we'd have to be completely still if we moved our time would start over, so if your ear itched we couldnt scratch it till time was up. another one was shed send us to this place she made up called the land of lack. in the land of lack there was no tv, no entertainment except books, your bible, or schoolwork (of course if you're not christian you could always use someting else) if me & my sister fought (which doesnt sound like the problem) shed tie us together. my ds is only a baby but i like these punishments better than spanking, those are only a few...