Afraid to let them play

[Lizard_Lina]

My close friend and I have children similar in age. She has a 5 year old son and I have a 4 (almost 5) year old daughter. They have been friends since forever. They hang out, go places together, whatever. I love the bond that they have. Recently however, my friend told me that her son was "touched" (i don't know the specifics so we will leave it at that) by a boy he goes to school with. Her son was showing major signs of aggression and when she took him to a therapist the truth came out. He is still in therapy. My friend was devasted and I as well as others have been as supportive as we know how to be in a situation like this. My problem is that I am afraid to let my daughter over to play. They still go to the park, see movies etc but when it comes time to let them play outside of moms watchful eye, I get nervous. I'm afraid until he works through this with his therapist, something might happen between her son and my daughter, be it out of curriosity or whatever. So I've been making excuses, and I feel awful for it. I don't want to hurt my friend and make this whole thing even harder on her, but at the same time I am trying to protect my daughter. What should I do? Should I tell her? How would I even go about that? Should I keep holding off until her son makes some progress with his therapy? How do I get rid of this fear? What would you do?

[MooBaaLaLaLa80]

Oh god. I have no idea. Poor boy!

[My-mono-twins]

 Dont blame you.

[Lizard_Lina]

That's exactly how I feel. I don't want to keep them apart, but this whole process is foreign to me and I've heard of plenty of children who only molested someone because they themselves were.

Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:

Oh god. I have no idea. Poor boy!

[Anonymous]

Well as long as the kids are never alone, then you have nothing to worry about.

[MooBaaLaLaLa80]

Have an honest discussion with your friend about it maybe?  See what his therapist says about that possibility?  Or just not allow them to be alone together. Have him over at your place maybe...

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

That's exactly how I feel. I don't want to keep them apart, but this whole process is foreign to me and I've heard of plenty of children who only molested someone because they themselves were.

Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:

Oh god. I have no idea. Poor boy!

[My-mono-twins]

 Im sure you do, but u cant be to careful with ur kids. :) I wouldn't let mine be alone with them either.

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

I feel awful

Quoting My-mono-twins:

 Dont blame you.

 

[Anonymous]

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[Anonymous]

I think constant supervision is necessary. With that said, I was molested as a child... And because of the pain it caused, I was deterred from even doing what many people consider normal. Like changing into bathing suits in front of all girls and such ... I became the opposite. So there may be no reason to worry ... But to be precautionary I would maintain constant supervision for at least the time being.

[Lizard_Lina]

He comes here, but the issue is her going over there. My friend is trying to go about life as normal and for her that's letting them play in the living room while she's in the kitchen, stuff like that. The only way I could ensure 100% supervision while she's there is if I always go too and she will know that's unusual after a bit. I can't find out what the therapist says without telling my friend my concerns. I just don't know how to initiate the conversation.

Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:

Have an honest discussion with your friend about it maybe?  See what his therapist says about that possibility?  Or just not allow them to be alone together. Have him over at your place maybe...

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

That's exactly how I feel. I don't want to keep them apart, but this whole process is foreign to me and I've heard of plenty of children who only molested someone because they themselves were.

Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:

Oh god. I have no idea. Poor boy!

[Lizard_Lina]

I can ensure that when he is here but not when she is there without bringing up my concerns, and I don't know how to do that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well as long as the kids are never alone, then you have nothing to worry about.