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Anonymous
Is it just MY adult kid
by Anonymous
January 31, 2013 at 1:40 AM

or are parents not allowed to have a life once their children become adults??????

My husband and I have 4 adult children in their 20's, 3 are in college and 1 has a family of his own. This year my husband and I have made plans for vacations, we had to go with the days that he could get for vacation time. He's a mail carrier so the time that he can bid for depends on his seniority in the post office so that makes his available dates limited.  He took time for a BIG vacation (to the U.K., our first trip outside of the United States) and then took time off for a smaller vacation to visit a friend he hasn't seen since 1988. The 1st vacation happens to fall around my husband's birthday and the 2nd vacation (to the U.K.) has us leaving 2 days before our 22yo's birthday (given the time hubby could take off and the availability of trip packages we were going to miss his bday no matter what unless we just didn't go at all). He got torqued when we told him we were leaving 2 days before his bday, we should be here for it and not off on a vacation. Tonight I told him that had booked our trip to NV and when we'd be gone and he got pissed because we aren't going to be here for his dad's bday, he's an hour away and he could have been here to celebrate. Last year we went to CA in August, planned the trip in Feb. when my now 22yo lived in another state and had NO CLUE that he would be home by Aug.. We had to cut our vacation, to see my husband's brother who is 20 years older than my husband and is currently 66 years old, short because our son was upset that we'd miss his bday. Given that he had lived away for 2 bdays we understood but GEEZ!!, at what point is it okay for mom and dad to do stuff and have fun, no matter what time of the year it is? I love my sons and all of their growing up years we focused on them. No birthdays missed, everything done as a family and we, as a couple, missed out on a lot of cool stuff because we had children and we focused on them. They all have their own lives, isn't it time for US to have one? If we didn't go to the U.K.. in August, there wouldn't have been a trip, mid-Aug. is just the only summer vacation time hubby can get. And the same applies for the time he's getting off in April. According to our 22yo, apparently his dad can take the time off but we can't go anywhere. He even went so far as to tell me that we don't act like we have kids. THEY ARE ADULTS, not small children who we need to focus on!! His brothers are fine with us doing stuff but he acts like a brat.

Replies

  • mommamaggi
    January 31, 2013 at 1:42 AM

    Tell him to kiss that ass that made him and enjoy your vacations.

  • AnastasiaKorsh
    January 31, 2013 at 1:44 AM
    So tell him he's being a brat and go. He is grown, he'll get over it.
  • aCafemomma
    January 31, 2013 at 1:46 AM

    tell him he is an adult and needs to act like one,

     

  • Rach7224
    January 31, 2013 at 1:47 AM
    Sounds like he got what he wanted growing up and expects that now. No offense, i dont know him obviously... but i wouldnt feed it by trying to defend yourself. That may make him think that he has to defend his reason by trying to justify it and could make him even more mad when you dont do what he wants you to do. I would go on vacation and he will get over it. You have every right to go on vacation and have fun. Hes being selfish. He will live. Enjoy your trip btw!
  • Not_A_Native
    January 31, 2013 at 1:48 AM

    Enjoy your vacation.

    Two of my kids are completely on their own, and both live out of state (NYC and San Diego, we live in Seattle).  We have 2 kids at home, one a high school senior, the other at college in OR but home on breaks.  We don't see them for every birthday or holiday - our older 2 couldn't come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving this year.  It happens.  Next year, my youngest will go off to college (hoping for Colorado).  We have trips planned.  Heck, we went to Hawaii last October with my oldest son and his girlfriend for a week - left the 18 year old high school senior home alone.  We're going to Mexcio this March.

    Neither of us are from this state, and we don't plan to stay here forever - so we've never stressed to our kids to stay here either.  Just move to fun places so we can visit!

  • Sanctimommy
    January 31, 2013 at 1:50 AM

    Sweetie, I can't even take a decent crap without one of my adult kids calling. They have radar, those kids. They know when my ass touches the toilet seat, they know when Hubs and I are getting romantic, they know when I have just sat down to a nice hot meal, and they know when I am sudsing my hair in the shower. These are the only times they call. 

    :)

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 31, 2013 at 1:51 AM
    Im 23 and still live at home (in college and making min wage does not allow me to live on my own) and I have to remind my parent that I'm a big girl now and they can go wherever they want , whenever they want as long as they let me know since they're my weekend babysitter and I would have to take that weekend off.

    Tell him to put his big boy pants and get over it. It's YOUR time now (:
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 31, 2013 at 1:51 AM
    Word

    Quoting mommamaggi:

    Tell him to kiss that ass that made him and enjoy your vacations.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 31, 2013 at 1:53 AM
    Tell him to get over himself!
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 31, 2013 at 1:53 AM

     

    Quoting AnastasiaKorsh:

    So tell him he's being a brat and go. He is grown, he'll get over it.

     Oh we're going. I just spent $900 on plane tickets plus the money for hotel costs for our trip to NV and we have already paid $4300 for the ground portion of our trip to the U.K.. It just frustrates the hell out of me that he acts like we are being bad parents because his dad's vacation time coincides with birthdays. They grew up, the nest emptied, it's our time. We passed up things when they were kids because we felt that we should focus on our kids and not be the parents who are off gallivanting all the time. We said "next year"on too many things that never happened next year like concerts, we thought our bands would be around forever and they weren't (youth...we didn't see past the short term, LOL).. The one thing that sticks out in our mind was several years ago we said "next year" about going to a club owned by the lead singer of a band we loved in the 90's. he was a nice guy, a very friendly host and at his NYE party he was right there with the guests. We had the money to go but we chose to stay home with our sons for NYE and ring the new year in with them and said "next year". It never happened, the lead singer of the band died. We are 45 and 46 years old, not old but not spring chickens. if we keep putting stuff off until next year we are going to realize we missed out on so much. And he will get over it but, it still agitates me.

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