I need advice. I'm a mom of two tween girls who found out a few weeks ago that her husband of 20+ years is having an affair (what an idiot - did he think I wouldn't notice he went from 19 text messages a month to over 2000, all to the same number?). He denied it at first, but then said that yes, he was "involved" with someone. We've been in therapy for a little over a year, and may have been heading toward divorce anyway, but - this sure cinches the deal. I'm heartbroken because he was my best friend and this has ruined my life, at least for the time being. My two main problems are:
1) I'm unemployed. I just finished graduate school (which he resented in the first place because he felt it took too much attention away from him, poor baby, and because of the cost) and job prospects are bleak. I have no assets other than half the house we live in and a small life insurance policy, which I might be able to borrow against. I asked him to move out, and he said "no way - not until you get a job and can support yourself." I've considered cashing out the life insurance and giving it to him to get an apartment and move out, but he said why didn't I use it to get myself situated? Because without a job, I won't be able to pay the bills if I stay in the house... Ugh - it's completely frustrating to feel so stuck... I have an appointment with a lawyer next week, and I'm hopeful that she can help come up with something. I can move in with my mom, who is retired, but she's undergoing treatment for breast cancer, and I think that it would be difficult for her. Plus I refuse to leave my girls. What would you do?
2) While we work toward separation / divorce and one or both of us moves out, we're in the same house. He's been sleeping on the couch for the past two months (another red flag), but to even be in the same room with him is totally intolerable. I avoid / ignore him most of the time, but when I can't, I'm trying like hell not to snipe at him, because of the kids, but I can't stand to even look at him. I refuse to cook any more (chickenshit has no right to eat my cooking) other than hot dogs and what I need to feed the kids. I refuse to sit in the same room with him. I try to not burst into tears all the time, and I do okay most of the time, but sometimes I can't help it (I tell the girls I'm frustrated that I can't find a job) but they'll pick up on this sooner or later. How can I get to the emotional place where this is "strictly a business arrangement?" I can't stand feeling like this. The thought that we will eventually have to sit down together with them and tell them we're splitting up is horrible. What are your thoughts about whether they should know their father was cheating?
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