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Anonymous
I am haunted by my nephew's death.
by Anonymous
January 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM

It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.

My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying


Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 29, 2013 at 11:38 PM

    Oh hun this is terrible,  I am so sorry this has happened to your family. You can't be expected to deal with this in anyother way then the way you are. Getting over something like this will take time. Well I don't mean "getting over" I mean just being able to go on with your life. I can only imagine how this would feel! Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help you cope, continue doing those things even though you feel they may not be helping, they will help in time.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    Thank you...I was doing okay for a few weeks and thought I was getting stronger but I feel like I'm back at square one. It's disappointing because I'm normally the "strong" one in my family and I feel kind of defeated right now.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Oh hun this is terrible,  I am so sorry this has happened to your family. You can't be expected to deal with this in anyother way then the way you are. Getting over something like this will take time. Well I don't mean "getting over" I mean just being able to go on with your life. I can only imagine how this would feel! Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help you cope, continue doing those things even though you feel they may not be helping, they will help in time.


  • Mommie2Kailen
    January 29, 2013 at 11:50 PM

    im so sorry momma, I have no words to help but I will pray for you. Why did the BF do this to your precious nephew?

  • angel_peanut
    January 29, 2013 at 11:52 PM
    My circumstances are much different but I know what you mean. Out of no where feelings of overwhelming sadness, anger, bitterness, pain....will just arise and I feel emotionally out of control. I to am seeing a therapist to help with this emotional roller coaster and the flashbacks ...some times it helps sometimes I still feel like the person I was before the tragedy is gone forever. I'm sorry for your loss and pain ...my thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel free to message me of you ever need to vent
  • mamanay041010
    January 29, 2013 at 11:53 PM

    I am so sorry and it sucks because someone who hasn't been through this horrific experience can't begin to put the right words together to help you feel better, are you and your sister close can you confide in her maybe you two could pull strength from each other? Keep going to see your therapist and keep surrounding yourself with those who uplift you most, maybe you should do something like release a balloon or those paper patterns something like that might help, really wish I could hug you or make you feel better. I will say a prayer for you though 

  • brittney28
    January 29, 2013 at 11:54 PM
    Omg I'm so sorry. Its been 2 yrs since my dads death and I still have the hospital and casket visions everynight. His death was very unexpected as well. And as for you seeing him or dreaming him at the end of your bed, that's him visiting you, letting you know he's ok. I had crazy stuff happen to me the first six months after his death. Then it slowly started stopping. I wish I could say it gets easier but it don't, you just learn to deal with it. I have ptsd from what happened to my dad and get horrible panick and anxiety attacks! I hope and pray you find peace. And I hope piece of shit rots in jail.
  • Thelmama
    January 29, 2013 at 11:54 PM

    I am so sorry. I don't know anyone that could deal with that. Hugs and prayers.  The pain must be unbearable. I hope they punish him to the fullest extend of the law for doing that to that poor baby.

  • DJAKoala
    January 29, 2013 at 11:55 PM
    I am so sorry to hear this. It is still incredibly early since his death. You have every right to feel these emotions. Continue to seek support. In time you will be able to cope better. Prayers to you and your family.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 11:59 PM

    Because he is the Devil himself. I can't think of any other reason. Our angel was such a good little boy.

    Thank you for the prayers.

    Quoting Mommie2Kailen:

    im so sorry momma, I have no words to help but I will pray for you. Why did the BF do this to your precious nephew?


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 30, 2013 at 12:01 AM

    Thank you. I hope to get somewhat back to normal someday.


    Quoting angel_peanut:

    My circumstances are much different but I know what you mean. Out of no where feelings of overwhelming sadness, anger, bitterness, pain....will just arise and I feel emotionally out of control. I to am seeing a therapist to help with this emotional roller coaster and the flashbacks ...some times it helps sometimes I still feel like the person I was before the tragedy is gone forever. I'm sorry for your loss and pain ...my thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel free to message me of you ever need to vent


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