Mom Confessions

Featured Posts
Anonymous
For those of you who are unhappily married.......why do you stay??
by Anonymous
January 28, 2013 at 5:47 PM

 

This question is for anyone who is UNhappily married!! What is the reason(s) why you stay?? Select more than one answer if it will allow you.
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 12% - a) for money/financial security
  2. 11% - b) for the kids - don't want to break up the home
  3. 1% - c) because you are afraid to be alone
  4. 11% - d) you still kinda love him and hope that things will change for the better
  5. 4% - e) because of your religious beliefs (don't believe in divorce)
  6. 0% - f) you have serious health issues
  7. 58% - g) several of the above

Replies

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 11:25 AM

     

    Quoting markswife03:

    I USED to be unhappily married to my husband. I just had one child then. I stayed because I didn't want to lose control of my daughter's life. I didn't want some judge telling me when I could and couldn't see her, and I didn't want my husband to be able to take her away for days at a time. He wasn't good at nurturing her or looking after her needs.

    I also had a MIL who my husband made a third part of our marriage. She knew all our business. Her and my husband made marital and financial decisions together, often without me. He cared more about her happiness than mine. In my MIL's eyes, I was nothing more than an incubator designed to produce a child for her. Once I had done that, she wanted me out of the way. If I had divorced my husband, she would have won. He would have taken her right over to MIL on his days so they could be a happy family without me in the way. F**k that!

     That sucks about the meddling mother-in-law!!  Mine was helpful for the most part and didn't overstep her boundaries, up until my kids were teens.  Then she interfered with unwanted advice that went against what I wanted for them.  That happened about 3 times.  Up until that point, things were fine.  So are you happy with your husband now?  Did things get better?

  • supercarp
    January 29, 2013 at 11:29 AM

    I stayed for way too long. I was always thinking that it was getting better, but it wasn't. I am much happier and less stressed now.

  • sheymann
    January 29, 2013 at 11:32 AM

    I stayed because I believe that is how I deserved to be treated and if I left him I would be alone because no one would love me. My father emotionally abused me and exh did the same. It took me wanting a better life for DD to leave and I have never been happier. 

  • mommy2lexinmark
    January 29, 2013 at 11:35 AM
    I did lol
    Then someone quoted me asking me why I couldn't leave even if I wanted to


    Quoting Anonymous:

     Oh, I missed that comment.  You should have started off by saying that.  lol  I was expecting answers from people who felt that way, in regards to my post question.


    Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

    I am happy lol
    I said I don't want to, as in leave, in my original comment

    But these are the reasons why I couldn't leave, if I did want to lol



    Quoting Anonymous:


     Oh my goodness!!!  Why did you have so many kids when you are not happy with your husband?  It almost seems like you trapped yourself or he did!!!  I am not judging, please know that.  I am just baffled why.  I hate to say it, but you really sound stuck.  I am so sorry!!!  If you can get help with babysitting, I would highly recommend you start that radiology program!!!  The sooner, the better.  Can you parents or other family help watch the kids while you are in school?  Maybe wait till the little one is a year or so.  And I can't imagine how much it would even cost to fuel up the Suburban.........damn those vehicles are BIG!!!!  lol  And I would think that they suck the gas down too.



    Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

    Well, I have 5 kids and I'm pregnant with #6.
    We have a suburban that is in my dhs name, that I need to use everyday to fit all of the kids in.
    I have bad credit at the moment, and am working on fixing it.
    I working on going back to school to do radiology and would never be able to do this w/o help.
    I'm a sahm, I have no income but dhs, and I could never get approved for even an apartment right now, even though that wouldn't be big enough for all of us!
    I have no family that could help me, my parents live in a tiny condo, and I would NEVER be able to live with my mom again anyway!

    I definitely want to eventually be able to be in a position that if I had to leave, or wanted to, I could! Working on going to school, and being able to get a job while my kids are in school, will help me get there!

    Ok, I do have some money in my own bank account, but it still wouldn't be enough currently for me to be on my own with the kids!




    Quoting choaspartyof4:



     Why couldnt't u leave even if u wanted to? Just curious




     




    Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

    I couldn't leave of I wanted to
    None of these reasons
    But I don't want to



     




     



     


     

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 11:41 AM

     

    Quoting sheymann:

    I stayed because I believe that is how I deserved to be treated and if I left him I would be alone because no one would love me. My father emotionally abused me and exh did the same. It took me wanting a better life for DD to leave and I have never been happier. 

     That is wonderful that you found the courage and strength to leave!!!  I'm sure that was the best decision for you daughter too!!  My father was verbally & emotionally abusive.  Mainly to my Mom, but sometimes to us kids too.  It was a hard environment to grow up in.  My husband was nothing like my dad, thank god.  Otherwise, I would have been outta here a loooonng time ago!!!  ANY type of abuse (not just physical), is unacceptable to me!!

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 11:44 AM

     

    Quoting Anonymous:

    He asked me to marry him bc he loved me. I married him bc I was pregnant. He is a great guy that loves me very much. I wanted to give us a shot for the sake of our baby. Now 4 years later we are happily married I suppose considering the circumstance. He has no clue I'm not in love with him or that I married him for our son. I want to stay married bc I don't want to break his heart and for our son. I had no idea how much I would later crave a more fulfilling relationship. I know I won't make it a lifetime. My goal is to make it least until my son goes to college or as long as I possibly can keep this charade up. Still crossing my fingers that I can learn to love him. Maybe it's till death do we part maybe it's until the class of 2026, maybe it's next month...Idk...I know my son is happy and healthy and has a father that loves him and US being together is healthy for our son and I don't want to do anything to mess that up. I'm the one that got pregnant by a man I didn't love and I have embraced the consequences.

     I totally relate to your situation!!  I had dated my husband for 2 years prior to becoming pregnant.  Then we married when I was 5 months pregnant.  I thought that was the right thing to do.  I was brought up Catholic and my parents pushed for marriage.  I also didn't want to be a single parent.  I honestly don't regret having married my husband.  He is a pretty decent guy.  I'm just not in love with him and I don't think I ever was.  I love him though.  So that's what made things complicated and why I chose to stay all these years!!!  So I know exactly how you feel.  :-)

  • sheymann
    January 29, 2013 at 11:51 AM



    Quoting Anonymous:


    Quoting sheymann:

    I stayed because I believe that is how I deserved to be treated and if I left him I would be alone because no one would love me. My father emotionally abused me and exh did the same. It took me wanting a better life for DD to leave and I have never been happier. 

     That is wonderful that you found the courage and strength to leave!!!  I'm sure that was the best decision for you daughter too!!  My father was verbally & emotionally abusive.  Mainly to my Mom, but sometimes to us kids too.  It was a hard environment to grow up in.  My husband was nothing like my dad, thank god.  Otherwise, I would have been outta here a loooonng time ago!!!  ANY type of abuse (not just physical), is unacceptable to me!!

    My mom left my dad so thankfully I wasn't around it 24/7 as he moved back to Germany. But he remarried and all I ever heard was how great my Step-brother was. Even when I scored 1s in band competitions and my sb only saved one goal in a soccer game the team lost. I stopped talking to him when I left exh and went to therapy and got help. I'm in touch with him again, but now I see the little things he does and just respond with sarcasm. He doesn't get it. lol 

    Emotional abuse is so often over looked as not-actual abuse because there are no visible scars, it's really sad.


  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 29, 2013 at 4:31 PM

    bump!!

Mom Confessions

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts