Mom Confessions

sheymann
Do NOT put me on a pedestal!
January 28, 2013 at 11:57 AM

DF likes to tell me how perfect I am and it's starting to really get to me. I am NOT by ANY means perfect. I am human. I have my flaws and I make mistakes. 

It has started affecting our relationship. Any time I make a mistake or my flaws are visible, he starts to withdraw and it's getting on my nerve. 

Don't put me on a damn pedestal and you wouldn't be dissapointed when you realize I am no a goddess, but only human.

(It is starting to get better because I keep talking to him about it.)

Does your SO put you on a pedestal?
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 16% - Yes and I love it.
  2. 6% - Yes, but it annoys me.
  3. 41% - No and I'm glad.
  4. 24% - No, but I wish he would.
  5. 10% - Other because there always is.

Replies

  • uriahadel
    January 28, 2013 at 1:51 PM
    My dh sometimes do but it doesn't bother me because he knows I am not perfect. He is an awesome father and husband and he does so much for me.
  • Nicoleb9
    January 28, 2013 at 1:52 PM
    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.
  • sheymann
    January 28, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.


    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.



  • queen_k0302
    January 28, 2013 at 1:55 PM
    We tell each other they are just right for us. We don't use the perfect word. It comes with to much pressure.
    Others say we have the perfect relationship and i correct them. Nothing is perfect but we strive for a good one.
  • Nicoleb9
    January 28, 2013 at 2:01 PM
    I don't see how it could be by accident. It sounds very unfair to you.


    Quoting sheymann:

    I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.



    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.





  • anon1986East
    January 28, 2013 at 2:01 PM

    He doesn't think I'm a perfect being, no one is perfect and he knows that. We have our own issues and there's certainly things about me that annoy him, just like there are things about him that annoy me but through it all we are partners. No matter what comes up we'll get through it together, we have that much faith, trust, confidence, and loyalty in one another and no one would ever be able to replace that. We have our ways of showing that to each other. He doesn't put me on a pedestal but he does let me know just how special and important I am to him, even if no one else thought so.

  • sheymann
    January 28, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    I don't think he realizes what he's doing half the time. I mention it to him and he gets a bit better every time.


    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    I don't see how it could be by accident. It sounds very unfair to you.


    Quoting sheymann:

    I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.



    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.







  • Nicoleb9
    January 28, 2013 at 2:06 PM
    Well, you definitely know him better than any of us. It still seems quite convenient of him. Is he living up to these perfect standards himself?


    Quoting sheymann:

    I don't think he realizes what he's doing half the time. I mention it to him and he gets a bit better every time.



    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    I don't see how it could be by accident. It sounds very unfair to you.





    Quoting sheymann:

    I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.




    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.











  • Kes1s
    by Kes1s
    January 28, 2013 at 2:06 PM

    It sounds like you have a drastically different personality when you are having an off moment and the difference causes him to pull away.

    Normal day to day "Goddess" personality...  Sweet, controled, quiet but not in a bad way, accomodating and on top of shit.

    Bad moment personality... Intolerant, short tempered, raised voice, and a bundle of escalation waiting to happen.  Only the moment can tell how far it's gonna go.



    What I've come to realize for myself and have had to explain to my guy is that I am a mostly quiet, introverted person with an anger problem that I have under control.  I know my tolerance for people and I generally manage to listen to my own internal signals for when I'm coming to the end of my resources.  When I don't my first line of defense is silence.  I shut it down, sit still and wait for the bad to go away.  If I can't get away then I have to "buck up cupcake" and do my best not to start making small animals and household object start levitating and catching fire a la Carrie.

    I used to think I was an outgoing person with a seriously out of control anger problem and inappropriate social responses.  I used to push myself waaaay beyond my social confort zones for an ex who was an extrovert and disaster would follow every time.  I would run out of "Goddess" and the snap back of trying to hold on for that extra hour or event would result in taking out the pedestal, the house and the relationship.

    He was an abusive SOB on top of it all, but the kick off was usually a point where I pushed myself too hard and ran out of steam and my keep sweet ran out at about the point his "too drunk to care" kicked in.


    In that relationship I was on the pedestal, and he would PUSH.  Like entertaining people he knew I hated for multiple nights - knowing that we have a Southern standard for hospitality.  A guest in my home will never hang their own jacket or fill their own cup, so when I have to do it from obligation rather than from the heart it can drain me if it goes on too long and at some point I would snap, and he would rebound at me with every bit of rage as if I had betrayed him for not being able to be the person he wanted.

    He never truly understood the difference between an introvert and an extrovert and just couldn't get that some people can't recover from other people without going off on their own for awhile.

  • sheymann
    January 28, 2013 at 2:09 PM

    He is really good about it. Obviously he is not perfect but he is an amazing father and fiance. 


    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Well, you definitely know him better than any of us. It still seems quite convenient of him. Is he living up to these perfect standards himself?


    Quoting sheymann:

    I don't think he realizes what he's doing half the time. I mention it to him and he gets a bit better every time.



    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    I don't see how it could be by accident. It sounds very unfair to you.





    Quoting sheymann:

    I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.




    Quoting Nicoleb9:

    Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.













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