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my4loves4
guilty about mommy time
January 26, 2013 at 1:37 PM

I have a 3 year old son and a 3 month old daughter, I havent left the house without at least one of the kids for over a year. (with the exception of running to the store 2 blocks away to grab something fast)  i am a stay at home mom, I LOVE my family and do everything I can for them, but im still human...I would just love ONE night, just a few hours to go out with a friend, have dinner maybe a couple drinks, talk about something other than whos turn it is to change the dirty diaper or help go to the potty. To take a shower and go more than 5 minutes before i smell like a barf factory agian. I'm always so busy i just dont have time for friends, noone comes visits me because i cant sit down long enough to even try and have a conversation before i have to get up for one of the kids. I just want some mommy time....

I want to ask my DH to watch the kids so i can do this, but i dont know why i feel so guilty about it.  I'm sure he'd say yes, he's always doing his best to help. Some reason I just feel like im abondaning my babies, even for just a couple hours :( I know they'd be completly safe, and dad could do just as good as i do. So why do I feel so bad?

My Dh dosent go out with friends, but once a month or so, he goes and stays with his mom and brother. They go out to dinner, he has some drinks, he stays the night. (they live over a hour away and his moms a full time caregiver so she only gets to stay at her house one sometimes not even that a month so thats why he stays to see her) So he does get a break.... I never felt this guilty when i only had my son, but now that theres two i just cant bring myself to leave! They say when mommys not happy, nobodys happy. And my family will tell you thats very true lol and i know just a little break would give me some peace to calm down and not just me but everyone would be happier....

Anyone else have this problem? Do you take some mommy time?

Replies

  • muzzyh
    by muzzyh
    January 26, 2013 at 1:38 PM
    I used to feel guilty about it. I don't anymore. I'm much more fun for my kids if I get a break once in a while.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1
    January 26, 2013 at 1:40 PM

    You deserve a little time. Every mother does. I honestly believe its essential to sanity and well being lol One night out will not hurt. I havent been out much since getting pregnant 5 months ago, but atleast one night a month would not hurt!

  • AmericanChild82
    January 26, 2013 at 1:49 PM

     YES!!! I'm a a sahm. You might feel guilty about it now and for a little bit after but GO GO GOG GO. You'll feel more relaxed and it's essential for your sanity.  My dh has to force me out the door. I hate spending money or doing things for myself because I know there is something more practical that the money could be spent on. I'm expecting our last child so he's more pushy I guess you could say about me getting mommy time now before the baby comes. So today, my cousin and I are going to lunch, maternity shopping, mani's and to get me a big fat fluffy body pillow. I keep telling him I'm not going but he explained last night that it's not stuff I want, it's stuff I need. "Honey, you're not sleeping well and if the body pillow helps you get comfy to sleep then you NEED it. The maternity clothes weren't cute when the last two kids were born. You need maternity clothes that you like and are comfortable in. The mani is a splurge but I know you always feel prettier when your nails are done. So YOU ARE going or I'll drag you out of this house myself" God I love that man.

  • LaughingTattoo
    January 26, 2013 at 1:52 PM

    I always feel guilty before a bit during but let me tell you, it makes a huge difference in my attitude after i go out. Work through the guilt but go, do something for yourself!

  • my4loves4
    January 26, 2013 at 1:59 PM

     


    Quoting AmericanChild82:

     YES!!! I'm a a sahm. You might feel guilty about it now and for a little bit after but GO GO GOG GO. You'll feel more relaxed and it's essential for your sanity.  My dh has to force me out the door. I hate spending money or doing things for myself because I know there is something more practical that the money could be spent on. I'm expecting our last child so he's more pushy I guess you could say about me getting mommy time now before the baby comes. So today, my cousin and I are going to lunch, maternity shopping, mani's and to get me a big fat fluffy body pillow. I keep telling him I'm not going but he explained last night that it's not stuff I want, it's stuff I need. "Honey, you're not sleeping well and if the body pillow helps you get comfy to sleep then you NEED it. The maternity clothes weren't cute when the last two kids were born. You need maternity clothes that you like and are comfortable in. The mani is a splurge but I know you always feel prettier when your nails are done. So YOU ARE going or I'll drag you out of this house myself" God I love that man.

    My husbands the same way, but i always find a excuse. I'm like you i just cant bring myself to spend money on me. Theres so much more important things we need, and even if theres not theres better things i could waste the money on the kids before i want to get myself anything! For my birthday, (just 6 days after my daughter was born) He really wanted me to just relax, his plan was to take me out get my hair cut, nails done, shop... But i felt so guilty about accepting any of it I just got my hair cut at the cheapest place i could find (only because it needed it bad!) and told him i'd rather just have a nice dinner. It saved money, and i felt less guilty about eating food than paying the same price to get my nails done...i'm thinking maybe if I just go to a friends house for coffee, and conversation maybe i'll feel less guilty because at least then im not spending money, but i can still relax?

     

  • Stephd710
    January 26, 2013 at 2:04 PM
    I don't feel guilty about mommy time. Probably because I get it whether I want it or not. I'm divorced and my girls go to their dads every other weekend. I still don't feel bad. They are getting time with him, and I am getting much deserved time to myself and rest. I would be so stressed out and tired and cranky if I didn't get a break every now and then and thats no good for anybody. I believe all mommys need a life outside of the kids. You cant be all kids all the time.
  • my4loves4
    January 26, 2013 at 2:34 PM

     


    Quoting Stephd710:

    I don't feel guilty about mommy time. Probably because I get it whether I want it or not. I'm divorced and my girls go to their dads every other weekend. I still don't feel bad. They are getting time with him, and I am getting much deserved time to myself and rest. I would be so stressed out and tired and cranky if I didn't get a break every now and then and thats no good for anybody. I believe all mommys need a life outside of the kids. You cant be all kids all the time.

    i think thats why i didnt feel guilty about going out when it was just my son, (he is from my first marrage) I just felt, well i have no choice but for him to see his dad so i might as well enjoy the free time. But with my daughter, I am with her father so i feel like im choosing to leave. Like im admitting i cant handle it...like the moment i tell my husband," i need to have some me time," i feel more like im saying, "i'm not as strong as you think i am, i cant handle all this"

     

  • AmericanChild82
    January 26, 2013 at 2:35 PM

     

    Quoting my4loves4:

     

     

    Quoting AmericanChild82:

     YES!!! I'm a a sahm. You might feel guilty about it now and for a little bit after but GO GO GOG GO. You'll feel more relaxed and it's essential for your sanity.  My dh has to force me out the door. I hate spending money or doing things for myself because I know there is something more practical that the money could be spent on. I'm expecting our last child so he's more pushy I guess you could say about me getting mommy time now before the baby comes. So today, my cousin and I are going to lunch, maternity shopping, mani's and to get me a big fat fluffy body pillow. I keep telling him I'm not going but he explained last night that it's not stuff I want, it's stuff I need. "Honey, you're not sleeping well and if the body pillow helps you get comfy to sleep then you NEED it. The maternity clothes weren't cute when the last two kids were born. You need maternity clothes that you like and are comfortable in. The mani is a splurge but I know you always feel prettier when your nails are done. So YOU ARE going or I'll drag you out of this house myself" God I love that man.

    My husbands the same way, but i always find a excuse. I'm like you i just cant bring myself to spend money on me. Theres so much more important things we need, and even if theres not theres better things i could waste the money on the kids before i want to get myself anything! For my birthday, (just 6 days after my daughter was born) He really wanted me to just relax, his plan was to take me out get my hair cut, nails done, shop... But i felt so guilty about accepting any of it I just got my hair cut at the cheapest place i could find (only because it needed it bad!) and told him i'd rather just have a nice dinner. It saved money, and i felt less guilty about eating food than paying the same price to get my nails done...i'm thinking maybe if I just go to a friends house for coffee, and conversation maybe i'll feel less guilty because at least then im not spending money, but i can still relax?

     

     A coffee date with a friend is a great idea but find a cute little coffee house in your area. We have a place here that's called cornerstone. Great coffee and the best panini sandwiches ever. You girls can catch up, drink good coffee and eat some good food. I think it's a brilliant idea and you'll still feel relaxed when you get home.

  • AmericanChild82
    January 26, 2013 at 2:40 PM

     

    Quoting my4loves4:

     

     

    Quoting Stephd710:

    I don't feel guilty about mommy time. Probably because I get it whether I want it or not. I'm divorced and my girls go to their dads every other weekend. I still don't feel bad. They are getting time with him, and I am getting much deserved time to myself and rest. I would be so stressed out and tired and cranky if I didn't get a break every now and then and thats no good for anybody. I believe all mommys need a life outside of the kids. You cant be all kids all the time.

    i think thats why i didnt feel guilty about going out when it was just my son, (he is from my first marrage) I just felt, well i have no choice but for him to see his dad so i might as well enjoy the free time. But with my daughter, I am with her father so i feel like im choosing to leave. Like im admitting i cant handle it...like the moment i tell my husband," i need to have some me time," i feel more like im saying, "i'm not as strong as you think i am, i cant handle all this"

     

     Look at it this way instead of saying "I'm not as strong as you think I am, I can't handle this" Try looking at it like saying " I'm strong enough to know when I need some breathing room to get my thoughts and feelings in order so I can be that mom my kids love to be with and so I can be a better wife for my husband."

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