Another post in here got me thinking. What is the point of teenage dating?
Frankly, to me, teenage "dating" is more an introduction to sex and intimacy and emotions that hormone driven teenagers are not equipped to handle. Teenagers have no real purpose for dating, they aren't learning anything valuable in the process, they certainly aren't learning about "how to have a relationship" as a teenager (again with the hormones come the drama and garbage). Very few people end up marrying any of the people they dated during their teenage years.
In our family, someone starts dating for one reason, to get to know someone for the purpose of marriage and family. That is just our culture. So until you are ready (emotionally, physically, financially, etc) for marriage, there is no point in dating. Our children (17 and 16) are getting ready to start college and have never been on a date, they've never even asked to go on a date. They've had friends over for dinner or a movie night or game night but there's never been any dating.
Our children have no interest in dating. It's frequently a topic of conversation (usually because of posts like the one that got me thinking or things we see in the neighborhood or hear about) and our kids think dating as a teenager is really stupid because he (our oldest) thinks it leads to the serial marriages that are so common in this society (like, date, fall in love, fall out of love, start the process with someone new over and over again, leading to the same reaction in marriage - like, date, love, marriage, fall out of love, divorce, start over with someone new). He has friends who date and he has said that he thinks what they have been through, dating as teenagers, is more destructive to future relationships than his never having been on a date! So I do not understand. I did not date until I was 19. My DH did not date as a teenager but did when he left home and joined the Marines. He had 2 girlfriends before me but neither of us had sex until after we were married. We are still married 20 years later.
Teenagers are far from ready for marriage so why throw them into that mix? What is the purpose? What do you think it teaches?
I think teen dating, they learn more about other's but also about themselves. They may learn from relationships to better themselves for the future. When my son hits the teen years, and he starts becoming interested or curious.. the best thing I can do as a parent, is educate him. Listen if he has questions, let him experience on his own relationships. As long as I educate him well, and he knows.. then I have that trust he'd do the right thing.
I can see your point. Looking back...dating was something fun. I dont know that I learned anything positive from dating though. Sure I met some nice people, but that was about it. I will let me children date, but also let them know that dating isnt to be a priority (well I wont let it) and that school and other activities come first.
by Anonymous 20
January 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Kids who have healthy relationships with their parents don't feel the need to go behind their backs. Mind you I said HEALTHY.
How do you know your Kids are not interested in people and are dating behind your back. When I was in high school I had friends with parents like you who were in a few relationships behind their parents back. Some of them even had sex! That's natural. Nothing bad with experimenting. I had a friend who had a mom like you who told her relationships are stupid sex is bad blah blah blah and got pregnant because she could not even have the sex talk with her parents she was clueless. Her parents never talked to her about sex just told her sex is bad and that's all boys want. You can't stop your kids from dating or having sex. Sorry
How are you so sure
by Anonymous 27
January 25, 2013 at 2:46 PM
In hs both my husband and I were looking for marriage, I think it is stupid that our society has disgraced getting married early. Our reasons were, we were/are in love. life can be short, and he joined the army.