What do you do when your DH won't listen?

[Anonymous]

I'm fed up with DH. I love him but with the way things are now, I see divorce in our future. Every time I try to talk to him, all he does is get defensive. I try to tell him I'm unhappy and all he does is say "So what are you saying..you're gonna leave me? Well fine then, go ahead." The things I'm unhappy about is the lack of help from him, his irresponsibility with money and his temper. He doesn't hit me or anything, but if he's in a pissy mood, he gets mean. He also hardly ever helps around the house. He's laid off for the season but I still work M-F and I'll come home and he has maybe started a load of laundry or put the clean dishes away. That's it all day. Keep in mind, our kids are in school so he's home alone and that's still all he does. I always tell him he may help a little, but it isn't fair that I'm the only one who has to do the vacuuming, mopping or scrubbing the bathrooms. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. It really isn't even about the cleaning, but more about his lack of respect for my feelings and his laziness. Also, his money spending. He will buy cappuccinos at the gas station, get fast food, buy an energy drink..whatever it happens to be, yet it will equal $100 a month. It may not sound like much, but with him being laid off, things are tight and if you have to go without fun stuff for awhile because you don't have the extra money, then you don't. It's just part of being a grown up, but he doesn't care. I'm a very private person when it comes to my marriage so I'm not one to talk to family and friends about our issues. I love him, but he doesn't treat me right, doesn't appreciate me and I'm fed up. He's also done a lot of bad things to me but they're in the past as he would say.

[Anonymous]

Hit him with a frying pan.

[LiesLiesLies]

When did he start acting like this?

[bustybee]

you hafta do what makes you feel happy.

[JNLmomme09]

I never have this problem I reward my dh with stickers and m&ms

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I guess for a long time. Like 7 years..since the beginning of our relationship. Things weren't this bad though. I just keep hoping it will get better as we get older and he grows up. I don't wanna give up too easy.

Quoting LiesLiesLies:

When did he start acting like this?

[opal10161973]

You have two choices:  Counseling or divorce.  I always try to advocate for option one first.  Even if he doesn't go, you will likely learn ways to deal with your feelings on what he does and perhaps a less accusatory way of talking to him.  I know you probably don't think you sound that way, but maybe he does.  In which case, he will try to blame you for something or shut down.  Even if it's nothing like I have described, a counselor could help you with other issues, so what could it hurt? 

[opal10161973]

I reward mine with other things that make him want to do more for me than either of those two things could ever produce.  LMAO

Quoting JNLmomme09:

I never have this problem I reward my dh with stickers and m&ms

[pinkyheather]

They aren't in the past if your still thinking about them. Sounds like he is a complete and total ass. Maybe you should take his debit card away since he isn't bringing any money into the house and your trying to pay what needs paid. He wants to act like a mean brat treat him like one.

[JNLmomme09]

:) I chose not to work that hard lol your a better woman then me lol

Quoting opal10161973:

I reward mine with other things that make him want to do more for me than either of those two things could ever produce.  LMAO

Quoting JNLmomme09:

I never have this problem I reward my dh with stickers and m&ms

[Anonymous]

I think in your case you either need to see if he will go to marriage consoling and if not then leave because you deserve to be happy.