Mom Confessions

Anonymous
I need help..........PLEASE NO BASHING
by Anonymous
January 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I have been with my DH for 14 years now. We have been married for 9 years. He has an addiction to crack cocaine and I am fat. Neither one of us are perfect but I try so hard to show him that I love him and encourage him to get clean. He typically spends on average of about 100.00 a week on crack. I work a full time job and so does he. Our kids do not do without anything but I know that we could do so much more with the money he blows. We have had a big argument today because he asked for 20.00 last night but instead took 40.00. It was out of his paycheck not mine. I feel that any money made by either one of us belongs to the other because we are married. Now for my questions. 

1. He calls me stupid and tells me that he is using the word correctly. It hurts but not as much as it used to. I tell him that just because he feels that he is using a word correctly he still should not do it if it hurts the other person. Am I right or am I wrong.

2. He tells me that he will not stop spending the money. Is it ok for him to blow this money. He says that if he is not spending it on the drug he will spend it some where else. I feel that this is selfish. is this right or is this wrong.

3. I yell A LOT. I am not making excuses and I am trying so hard to not do this but it happens. I am stressed. I work full time and I have 3 kids. My kids get out of control and wont stop until I am yelling so I yell. I have really been trying to change this. Today I got on the kids level and told them to use quiet feet (no running) quiet mouths (no screaming) and nice hands (no hitting)  I yelled one time this morning in 3 hours after reminding dear son constantly to be good. 

4. He does most of the cleaning and cooking around the house. I handle all of the finances. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does but all he wants is money and we cant afford that. I got up this morning and cleaned the house before he got up. That was my way of doing my part and saying thank you. 

5. I asked to see his phone last night so I could install an app for him. When he gave it to me he had a picture on it of an anime character with her boobs in the front and center of the screen. They were partially covered with a blue shirt but still a very sexy picture. I feel this is disrespectful to me. Am I wrong? He calls me fat a lot and he thinks that tearing me down will make me loose weight. I guess make me fight back I dont know. All it does is kills me. I have asked him to help me. Count crunches, push ups, ect. 

He is emotionaly abusive to me. I feel dead inside. Yes I cried today when he ripped me apart because I told him that he lied but he left and the tears stopped. I am numb. I dont care any more. I need opinions....facts just no bashing PLEASE. I have tried to stay with him but it is taking it's toll. I feel like crack has won and I have lost. 
 

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 19, 2013 at 12:56 PM

    Sorry hun maybe counseling?

  • tossed
    by tossed
    January 19, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    It is hard to be reasonable with a drug addict. Protect yourself.

  • ANSLUASI
    January 19, 2013 at 1:00 PM

    Honey, you are way too good for this bum. Do yourself and your kids a favor and make a new life without him. I'd yell a lot and be fat if I had to deal with a junkie 24/7 too. Your health (mental and physical) is suffering because of his addiction, and he doesn't care. Instead, he makes you feel bad. Your kid are suffering (behavior issues) because you are a stressed out mommy taking it out on them via yelling. Not healthy for anyone. If he chooses to eff up his life on crack, let him, but he doesn't need to take the rest of you along for the ride to hell.

  • mama_2_jasper
    January 19, 2013 at 1:02 PM
    In my experience, the only thing that helped me was to let go. File for divorce and not go down with the ship.
  • jesistar6910
    January 19, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    1. You are not hurt by it as much because you are starting to believe it. If you stay with him any longer it's just going to get worse.

    2. He's going to spend more and more money on his addiction. He is going to get so far into this disease that soon, he'll no longer have a job, he'll be stealing more and more money from the communal bank account. My advice - get your own account, put only your money in it and do not let him have access. Period.

    3. See a therapist. You have issues if you are able to stay with a man with a drug addiction. Good for you for trying not to yell, but those emotions are going to boil over eventually if you don't get some kind of help.

    4. Doesn't matter. He's only cleaning because of his high or whatever. I think that's what crack and shit like that does to  you. You need to leave him, or try to get him in a program.

    5. He is abusing you. You need to leave him. He's allowed to have whatever images he wants to, you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But - seeing as he is an addict he is not going to change that behavior either

    My all around advice: you need to lose this loser. Take your kids and go, before someone calls CPS and has them removed. Crack HAS won - the moment he started using it regularly - it won. Get out and get out fast.

  • mommysangelface
    January 19, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    this!!!!!!!

    Quoting jesistar6910:

    1. You are not hurt by it as much because you are starting to believe it. If you stay with him any longer it's just going to get worse.

    2. He's going to spend more and more money on his addiction. He is going to get so far into this disease that soon, he'll no longer have a job, he'll be stealing more and more money from the communal bank account. My advice - get your own account, put only your money in it and do not let him have access. Period.

    3. See a therapist. You have issues if you are able to stay with a man with a drug addiction. Good for you for trying not to yell, but those emotions are going to boil over eventually if you don't get some kind of help.

    4. Doesn't matter. He's only cleaning because of his high or whatever. I think that's what crack and shit like that does to  you. You need to leave him, or try to get him in a program.

    5. He is abusing you. You need to leave him. He's allowed to have whatever images he wants to, you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But - seeing as he is an addict he is not going to change that behavior either

    My all around advice: you need to lose this loser. Take your kids and go, before someone calls CPS and has them removed. Crack HAS won - the moment he started using it regularly - it won. Get out and get out fast.


  • ALWsMomma
    January 19, 2013 at 1:05 PM
    $100 a week for an addict is almost nothing!
    That doesn't help I know!
    Anywho... Counseling?
  • Kellyjude1
    January 19, 2013 at 1:07 PM

     I am so sorry for what you are going through.  Is he willing to seek professional help for his addiction?  If not than there is not much more you can do.  I can only imagine how you must feel especially being with him for so long.  I honestly dont see how he can ever get better if he does not admit or seek help with his addiction.  It is so unfair to you and your children.  If he is emotionally abusing you than you never deserve that.  I am sure this hurts you more than words can say.  I hope you can find inner strength to do what you feel is best for you and your children.  My heart goes out to you.  It has to be such a hard situation to be placed in.  He needs to respect and understand your feelings, he needs to understand his words cause you much heartache and pain.  But most of all he needs to realize he is the one with a problem and it seems like he takes it out on you.  I hope things will get better for you.

  • ksueditz
    January 19, 2013 at 1:08 PM
    100 times this!!!


    Quoting jesistar6910:

    1. You are not hurt by it as much because you are starting to believe it. If you stay with him any longer it's just going to get worse.

    2. He's going to spend more and more money on his addiction. He is going to get so far into this disease that soon, he'll no longer have a job, he'll be stealing more and more money from the communal bank account. My advice - get your own account, put only your money in it and do not let him have access. Period.

    3. See a therapist. You have issues if you are able to stay with a man with a drug addiction. Good for you for trying not to yell, but those emotions are going to boil over eventually if you don't get some kind of help.

    4. Doesn't matter. He's only cleaning because of his high or whatever. I think that's what crack and shit like that does to  you. You need to leave him, or try to get him in a program.

    5. He is abusing you. You need to leave him. He's allowed to have whatever images he wants to, you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But - seeing as he is an addict he is not going to change that behavior either

    My all around advice: you need to lose this loser. Take your kids and go, before someone calls CPS and has them removed. Crack HAS won - the moment he started using it regularly - it won. Get out and get out fast.


  • Lunarprancer
    January 19, 2013 at 1:09 PM

    This, get out.  You, and your kids,will be so much better off without him.

    Quoting ANSLUASI:

    Honey, you are way too good for this bum. Do yourself and your kids a favor and make a new life without him. I'd yell a lot and be fat if I had to deal with a junkie 24/7 too. Your health (mental and physical) is suffering because of his addiction, and he doesn't care. Instead, he makes you feel bad. Your kid are suffering (behavior issues) because you are a stressed out mommy taking it out on them via yelling. Not healthy for anyone. If he chooses to eff up his life on crack, let him, but he doesn't need to take the rest of you along for the ride to hell.


Mom Confessions