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Probably going to get bashed....but I don't agree with spousal support in most situations
by Anonymous
January 19, 2013 at 9:02 AM

I am all for child support because I feel a man has equal responsibility in raising a kid.  But I think spousal support is stupid in most situations.  I think there should be very few exceptions where someone gets it.


1. Disabled spouse with no way of working

2. SAHM. For a few months until she gets a job..  If she doesn't get a job within the allotted time....oh well. 

I don't think a woman with no kids should get it unless like I said she is disabled .....or her husband was the main bread winner and she kept house.  And again. 90 days to get a job. 

I think if a woman is living with someone then she shouldn't get it.  I have a neighbor who has lived with the same man for 10 years and won't marry him because her spousal support or Alimoney would stop.  Ridiculous. She had no kids with her ex but has two with the new guy,  


there may be other instances where it would be okay. But not many. 

Also...no my DH doesn't pay support to anyone. 

Replies

  • Anonymous 36
    by Anonymous 36
    January 21, 2013 at 10:52 AM

     

    Quoting LLbaby143:

    Um I think it should be provided .... What if they were married for 25 years and the man made a substantial amount, and the wife raised the children and was a housewife, and the husband cheats..... At 55 yrs old, I do NOT think they should have to go compete with 23yr olds with degrees for an entry even position. That's be changing their standard of living because the husband cheated.... That's ridiculous. The wife should get a lot of Alimony. Not only did her husband ruin her life (time when ppl are suppose to enjoy life and grandchildren) but he ruined the family. He should pay. 

     Absolutely. My mom is 61 and my dad (married 18 yrs) left her for a younger woman and she refuses to sign divorce papers. I don't blame her. He petioned to modify support because he now makes much less and it's still killing him paying her and I bet his relationship with that young girl won't last. He got what he deserved for cheating.

  • DebnDrew
    January 21, 2013 at 2:47 PM

     I think that is a delusional expectation of a spouse who is planning on not being faithful.

    "I should not have to be responsible for my choices"

    Losing a job is a completely different scenario. Do you not see the difference?


    Quoting LiliM:


    Quoting DebnDrew:

     But if a couple had agreed that one would work and one be the house-wife or husband, then one turns around and cheats and the marriage splits up, he should be able to walk away free and clear while she struggles to get a job that she never had any intention of getting?

     

    I work outside the home, but some mommies are better at being a mommy than a bread winner. I don't think Exes should suffer because a guy they married turned into a slimeball after 10 years.

     

    Quoting LiliM:

    There needs to be a cap, and not 10 years, either.

    Women also need to think about being self sufficient. I kept up my practice and license while I was a SAHM, so that when all kids were in school, I didn't have a big gap of time out of the workforce.   I am not in fear for my marriage, either. I just like to work, it gives us a better lifestyle with two of us working, and my career is extremely fulfilling. 

    At this point, I would not need nor request alimony, should I end up single. 

    Child support is fine, but the never ending spousal support is frankly disgusting.

     

     

    So she deserves support til one of them dies?

    No.

    Shit happens. Plans change, even within a marriage. He loses his job - would she still expect to never have to get a job? 

    And almost EVERYONE can learn to be good at a job. That excuse about not being able to be a good breadwinner is rubbish. It's just enabling women to not be a grown up and support herself, and maybe even a portion of her kids.

    After 5 years of spousal support, a former SAHM could have her bachelor's degree and be educated enough to start a career. More than that is enabling and ridiculous, barring disability.

    Child support stops at 18 because the kid is an adult an capable of self sufficiency. A former SAHM can accomplish that as well.

    And not expecting to work? Please. Work is not something a lot of people want to do. We do it because we're adults and want to provide for ourselves and our families. I am lucky in that I love mine, but DH,  who makes more, sometimes is not wanting to work because it's not always a barrel of monkeys. The thought of expecting to not work wouldn't even cross his mind.

    I think too many women feel that having kids and taking care of them entitles them to never work. A man, or woman, should not be supporting their ex forever and ever because they had kids together. It's infantilizing. Even our kids, whom we support for a large number of years, have a cut off date.

    So should ex spouses.



     

  • LiliM
    by LiliM
    January 21, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    Are you insinuating I am planning infidelity, then, since I think this way? 

    I think it's delusional to think that things never change, and that what plans were when married should never change.

    I also think that expecting someone else to support you your entire adult life is completely delusional. Which is why I work and support the family with my DH.

    Quoting DebnDrew:

     I think that is a delusional expectation of a spouse who is planning on not being faithful.

    "I should not have to be responsible for my choices"

    Losing a job is a completely different scenario. Do you not see the difference?


    Quoting LiliM:


    Quoting DebnDrew:

     But if a couple had agreed that one would work and one be the house-wife or husband, then one turns around and cheats and the marriage splits up, he should be able to walk away free and clear while she struggles to get a job that she never had any intention of getting?


    I work outside the home, but some mommies are better at being a mommy than a bread winner. I don't think Exes should suffer because a guy they married turned into a slimeball after 10 years.


    Quoting LiliM:

    There needs to be a cap, and not 10 years, either.

    Women also need to think about being self sufficient. I kept up my practice and license while I was a SAHM, so that when all kids were in school, I didn't have a big gap of time out of the workforce.   I am not in fear for my marriage, either. I just like to work, it gives us a better lifestyle with two of us working, and my career is extremely fulfilling. 

    At this point, I would not need nor request alimony, should I end up single. 

    Child support is fine, but the never ending spousal support is frankly disgusting.



    So she deserves support til one of them dies?

    No.

    Shit happens. Plans change, even within a marriage. He loses his job - would she still expect to never have to get a job? 

    And almost EVERYONE can learn to be good at a job. That excuse about not being able to be a good breadwinner is rubbish. It's just enabling women to not be a grown up and support herself, and maybe even a portion of her kids.

    After 5 years of spousal support, a former SAHM could have her bachelor's degree and be educated enough to start a career. More than that is enabling and ridiculous, barring disability.

    Child support stops at 18 because the kid is an adult an capable of self sufficiency. A former SAHM can accomplish that as well.

    And not expecting to work? Please. Work is not something a lot of people want to do. We do it because we're adults and want to provide for ourselves and our families. I am lucky in that I love mine, but DH,  who makes more, sometimes is not wanting to work because it's not always a barrel of monkeys. The thought of expecting to not work wouldn't even cross his mind.

    I think too many women feel that having kids and taking care of them entitles them to never work. A man, or woman, should not be supporting their ex forever and ever because they had kids together. It's infantilizing. Even our kids, whom we support for a large number of years, have a cut off date.

    So should ex spouses.





  • Momniscient
    January 21, 2013 at 2:53 PM

    My ex husband sued me for alimony and child support. lol.

    He didn't want to get a job.

    Courts laughed at him.

  • Motherwannabe12
    January 21, 2013 at 9:36 PM

    I have never agreed with spousal support. I do support equal division of the assets but no spousal support.

  • DebnDrew
    January 22, 2013 at 1:55 PM

     I think it is also delusional to "go on" about this for two days.....

     

    Quoting LiliM:

    Are you insinuating I am planning infidelity, then, since I think this way? 

    I think it's delusional to think that things never change, and that what plans were when married should never change.

    I also think that expecting someone else to support you your entire adult life is completely delusional. Which is why I work and support the family with my DH.

    Quoting DebnDrew:

     I think that is a delusional expectation of a spouse who is planning on not being faithful.

    "I should not have to be responsible for my choices"

    Losing a job is a completely different scenario. Do you not see the difference?

     

    Quoting LiliM:


    Quoting DebnDrew:

     But if a couple had agreed that one would work and one be the house-wife or husband, then one turns around and cheats and the marriage splits up, he should be able to walk away free and clear while she struggles to get a job that she never had any intention of getting?

     

    I work outside the home, but some mommies are better at being a mommy than a bread winner. I don't think Exes should suffer because a guy they married turned into a slimeball after 10 years.

     

    Quoting LiliM:

    There needs to be a cap, and not 10 years, either.

    Women also need to think about being self sufficient. I kept up my practice and license while I was a SAHM, so that when all kids were in school, I didn't have a big gap of time out of the workforce.   I am not in fear for my marriage, either. I just like to work, it gives us a better lifestyle with two of us working, and my career is extremely fulfilling. 

    At this point, I would not need nor request alimony, should I end up single. 

    Child support is fine, but the never ending spousal support is frankly disgusting.

     

     

    So she deserves support til one of them dies?

    No.

    Shit happens. Plans change, even within a marriage. He loses his job - would she still expect to never have to get a job? 

    And almost EVERYONE can learn to be good at a job. That excuse about not being able to be a good breadwinner is rubbish. It's just enabling women to not be a grown up and support herself, and maybe even a portion of her kids.

    After 5 years of spousal support, a former SAHM could have her bachelor's degree and be educated enough to start a career. More than that is enabling and ridiculous, barring disability.

    Child support stops at 18 because the kid is an adult an capable of self sufficiency. A former SAHM can accomplish that as well.

    And not expecting to work? Please. Work is not something a lot of people want to do. We do it because we're adults and want to provide for ourselves and our families. I am lucky in that I love mine, but DH,  who makes more, sometimes is not wanting to work because it's not always a barrel of monkeys. The thought of expecting to not work wouldn't even cross his mind.

    I think too many women feel that having kids and taking care of them entitles them to never work. A man, or woman, should not be supporting their ex forever and ever because they had kids together. It's infantilizing. Even our kids, whom we support for a large number of years, have a cut off date.

    So should ex spouses.


     

     


     

     

  • LiliM
    by LiliM
    January 22, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    Then why do you keep responding?

    I do because this is entertainment.  You attempting to tell me my refusal to agree with you is delusional usually means I have out flanked whatever you have presented as an "argument".

    LOL

    Feel free to expound on my delusions, though.

    Quoting DebnDrew:

     I think it is also delusional to "go on" about this for two days.....


    Quoting LiliM:

    Are you insinuating I am planning infidelity, then, since I think this way? 

    I think it's delusional to think that things never change, and that what plans were when married should never change.

    I also think that expecting someone else to support you your entire adult life is completely delusional. Which is why I work and support the family with my DH.

    Quoting DebnDrew:

     I think that is a delusional expectation of a spouse who is planning on not being faithful.

    "I should not have to be responsible for my choices"

    Losing a job is a completely different scenario. Do you not see the difference?


    Quoting LiliM:


    Quoting DebnDrew:

     But if a couple had agreed that one would work and one be the house-wife or husband, then one turns around and cheats and the marriage splits up, he should be able to walk away free and clear while she struggles to get a job that she never had any intention of getting?


    I work outside the home, but some mommies are better at being a mommy than a bread winner. I don't think Exes should suffer because a guy they married turned into a slimeball after 10 years.


    Quoting LiliM:

    There needs to be a cap, and not 10 years, either.

    Women also need to think about being self sufficient. I kept up my practice and license while I was a SAHM, so that when all kids were in school, I didn't have a big gap of time out of the workforce.   I am not in fear for my marriage, either. I just like to work, it gives us a better lifestyle with two of us working, and my career is extremely fulfilling. 

    At this point, I would not need nor request alimony, should I end up single. 

    Child support is fine, but the never ending spousal support is frankly disgusting.



    So she deserves support til one of them dies?

    No.

    Shit happens. Plans change, even within a marriage. He loses his job - would she still expect to never have to get a job? 

    And almost EVERYONE can learn to be good at a job. That excuse about not being able to be a good breadwinner is rubbish. It's just enabling women to not be a grown up and support herself, and maybe even a portion of her kids.

    After 5 years of spousal support, a former SAHM could have her bachelor's degree and be educated enough to start a career. More than that is enabling and ridiculous, barring disability.

    Child support stops at 18 because the kid is an adult an capable of self sufficiency. A former SAHM can accomplish that as well.

    And not expecting to work? Please. Work is not something a lot of people want to do. We do it because we're adults and want to provide for ourselves and our families. I am lucky in that I love mine, but DH,  who makes more, sometimes is not wanting to work because it's not always a barrel of monkeys. The thought of expecting to not work wouldn't even cross his mind.

    I think too many women feel that having kids and taking care of them entitles them to never work. A man, or woman, should not be supporting their ex forever and ever because they had kids together. It's infantilizing. Even our kids, whom we support for a large number of years, have a cut off date.

    So should ex spouses.








  • Anonymous 77
    by Anonymous 77
    January 28, 2013 at 10:32 AM

    I totally agree! My husband's ex wife of 25 years was a SAHM for all that time. She just didn't want to work after the kids were grown and my DH earned a hefty salary as an executive. Well, she was a bored housewife I guess and started having an affair with her kids' high school teacher. They carried on for a couple of years unbeknownst to my DH or kids. The truth finally came out and she told DH that she was in love with this man and wanted to be with him.

    DH had to give her 50% of his earnings. She moved in with her boyfriend and the divorce decree stated that the alimony would decrease the longer she lived with her boyfiend. AFter about 2 years of this when she realized her cash was diminishing, she read the legal papers and realized she could get more $$$ indefinitely if her boyfriend moved out. So she announced to us he was moving out so she could get more money.

    Her family actually told her that this was an indecent thing to do to her ex-husband. Her own daughters were very outraged that she not only would cheat and divorce their father - but that she would have her own boyfriend move out to get more money from her ex. So immoral even though it's perfectly "legal."

    She actually backed down and we agreed to just pay her off the remaining amount of the support in 2 lump sum payments. Once she got all her money, they married.

    I have absolutely no respect for this woman and never will. 

  • moon_girl76
    January 29, 2013 at 8:08 PM

    I don't agree with spousal support either I am divorced and have a kid with my ex he takes care of our son but I did and not ask for alimony even though I can't work due to disability (fighting for my s.s)  We took care of our own bills. In other hands my fiances ex wife is working they don't have kids together. Me and my fiance have a baby together now and she wants my fiance to pay off all the bills they made together plus $400 a month in alimony which I think is BS we can't even afford our own living. My fiance is taking care of paying rent,bills and our daughter... SOME women or men are just gold diggers I swear.

  • Anonymous 78
    by Anonymous 78
    January 29, 2013 at 8:12 PM

    So if it's you who ends up leaving him and you will agree to pass him alimony? It goes both ways.

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