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Hurt - maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. Can't stop crying - Update
by Anonymous
January 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM

My son is 5 years old. From the time he was born until the time he was 3, my sister in law and brother were extremely involved in his life. To the point that I asked them to take him if something was to ever happen to me.

Weekends, evening, holiday's - he was the favorite. It was obvious to everyone. They don't have any children, she can't. She was in the delivery room with me when he was born, holding my hand and coaching me through it.

Shortly before the age of 3, I started seeing some problems in my son. Hyper all the time, behavior problems, extreme temper tantrums, meltdowns etc.

Slowly, people started to pull out of our lives, because of his behavior. My mom told me that she wouldn't babysit him anymore, and that I had to enroll him in daycare.

My mother in law would ask for my step daughter and completely ignore the fact that my son was standing right there asking if he could go too

My sister would offer to keep him, to give me a break and after she canceled on me of the 11th or 12th time, I just stopped responding when she would ask. She hasn't babysat him in well over 18 months now. Not even for an hour or two between shift changes for me and my husband.

My husbands family talked shit all over facebook about what a horrible mother I must be

But what hurt the most was my sister in law - one day she just didn't call, then she didn't return my call - then she stopped asking about him

Then came the diagnosis. ADHD-C, ODD, Emotional Dysregulation, Mood Disorder - NOS and Social Delays.

I told my sister in law - she said she didn't even know what to say.

Then tonight, she sent me an email and told me that she was sorry for pulling away, but that she didn't think she could handle my son's meltdowns, so she couldn't be with him alone

We have been doing medication, therapy, and extreme parenting changes and his behavior has done a complete 180.

It really hurts to have people tell you that they don't want to spend time with your child because he has disorders/delays - when for most of his life, those people were extremely involved.

It really hurts to be told that your sons delays are harder to handle than THREE kids together

I can't stop crying. He's such an amazing child - and no one wants to get to know him.




UPDATE -

Thank you all for all of the support last night. I was an emotional wreck. I'm at work now, and I'm focusing on other things - so I am better. I just needed to get it all out last night.

My son is absolutely amazing. He really is. He wants to be in the Navy when he grows up. He is extremely into the Titanic. He can tell you how many people died when the Titanic sank, that the carpathia was the ship that came to help the people in the life boats, where exactly the titanic broke in half, when it departed, where it departed from etc.

He is also completely memorized by the solar system - he can and will tell anyone who will listen about why Pluto is not a planet, and the moons of Jupiter, all about the space ship that recently went to Mars

During Hurricane sandy, he was more informed than I was about the storm - it was amazing.

He gives these silly kisses, and the best hugs, he's so sensitive to the needs of others

He just struggles with typical social behaviors, hyperactivity and indirect commands

I emailed his psychologist about a play group or other social group for children with psychological/emotional problems

So we shall see what happens from there.

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 16, 2013 at 9:15 PM

    I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either

  • Aislin
    by Aislin
    January 16, 2013 at 9:16 PM

    Aww honey. I am so sorry. You have every right to be hurt. I sure as hell would be. 

  • rvb146
    by rvb146
    January 16, 2013 at 9:16 PM
    F*** them. You know that what your doing is right. Your doing the best that you can. And I think your doing an amazing job. Don't rely on them. You know that your child is amazing and wonderful. If they can't see that then they don't deserve your child. Your child is a gift. If they can't see that then it's their loss. It's okay to cry. Your a strong woman and mother. That's all your child needs.
  • southernbelletx
    January 16, 2013 at 9:17 PM
    I'm so sorry. I don't know what you're going thru exactly, but I do know how it feels to have my child treated differently from family members. It just makes me love him all the more.
  • slvr115
    by slvr115
    January 16, 2013 at 9:19 PM
    It's sad that they don't feel equipped to spend time with him anymore. But think of all the changes you had to go through just to get his behavior regulated. How would they know what to do. They're not choosing not to spend time with him 'because he has disorders/delays". They're afraid of his behavior and they don't feel equipped to handle it.

    Instead, you could try to get together with them and your son. Maybe if you all spend some time together, they'll see how he has changed. But I, personally, would not want someone taking care of my child with those disabilities unless they were trained in how to handle his behaviors...
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 16, 2013 at 9:19 PM
    I understand too. I have a kid that is apparently no longer easy enough for the family to acknowledge, much less love. It hurts.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 16, 2013 at 9:21 PM
    At least they are recognizing their own limitations and realize they are not equipped to deal with issues properly... Keep you head up!
  • LDennany
    January 16, 2013 at 9:22 PM
    I understand. My "friends" are like that toward my youngest. She has a severe language disorder. It breaks my heart.
  • brandydesiree
    January 16, 2013 at 9:23 PM

    I am so sorry. My son has ADHD and is high functioning autistic. He has some pretty major meltdowns sometimes, but everyone in our family has been extremely supportive. The way I see it, he deserves people who want him in their life. Even if it is only you and DH, shower him in love and let him know how special he is.

    My son has difficulty at school, making friends, because he say's they call him a "bad kid," but I tell him everyday that he is awesome. He is funny, and smart, and kind and loving...it just can not control his emotions.

  • Mweddle
    by Mweddle
    January 16, 2013 at 9:23 PM

     I'm with you.  I'm going through that too but my family has pretty much stayed put so in that respect I am lucky.  I get so sick of people judging me because of my child's issues or judging her for something she cannot control.  :(  You're not alone.

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