Mom Confessions
Our bird died today and I sent her off to be cremated. They keep saying "When Ti gets home can I rub her neck/feed her/pet her/ kiss her?"
I tell them no they can't because she isn't alive anymore and I had to take her to the place where they take care of people/pets that have died. They say they understand death and I ask them to tell me and all I get is that it means someone isn't alive anymore but then ask to do things with her so I know they haven't grasped the concept.
I don't even know if I should go into what cremation is or have her box out when I get the ashes back.
I told them we would talk about it more tomorrow when Mummy wasn't so exhausted.
So, ladies, can you give me any ideas or tell me how you did things and what worked and what didn't? I'm at a loss!
Replies
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I had no choice, my 10 year old daughter has brain cancer. She had tons of questions about death. We have also lost quite a few members of our family and a very close friend. Sadly my kids have been exposed to death for as long as I can remember.
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I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard that is.
Quoting melakay1981:
I had no choice, my 10 year old daughter has brain cancer. She had tons of questions about death. We have also lost quite a few members of our family and a very close friend. Sadly my kids have been exposed to death for as long as I can remember.
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My 4 year old has asked but she still doesn't understand the concept. We put our dog down two years ago and my grandmother died as well. How old are the kids?
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Yes, my oldest was 2 when she her paternal grandmother and 3 when she lost my dad and her brother(within 8 weeks of each other.) My youngest lost one of her good friends when she was 4.
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5&6
Quoting Kitschy:
My 4 year old has asked but she still doesn't understand the concept. We put our dog down two years ago and my grandmother died as well. How old are the kids?
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Yes, my DS wanted to know why grandpa wouldn't wake up. -
Yes. My grandmother died when my first was 2. We explained to him why she wasn't moving and in a box. He got.it -
They haven't been exposed to it. They lost their great great grandfather when they were 3&4 and they didn't understand but they hardly remember him now except from some pictures and then they just acknowledge him as their grandfather.
Quoting km1970:
Yes, my oldest was 2 when she her paternal grandmother and 3 when she lost my dad and her brother(within 8 weeks of each other.) My youngest lost one of her good friends when she was 4.
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I think at that age it's really hard because you know they don't grasp the concept. Explain however you want to teach them (spiritually or not) and let it be. Answer questions if they have them but don't push the issue if you feel like they just don't understand. It's okay if they don't fully understand, it's a process. :)
Quoting MomLife16:
5&6
Quoting Kitschy:
My 4 year old has asked but she still doesn't understand the concept. We put our dog down two years ago and my grandmother died as well. How old are the kids?
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I was wondering the same thing the other day. Except instead of just explaining death, is it appropriate to explain suicide to a child?