A little background...
A little while back I finally had the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend and the father of my only son. They were close, his dad played with him a lot and spoiled him, but as far as actual responsibility he never helped.
Since the split my son has visited his father twice, as his father lives 250miles away and isn't the most stable person. He hasn't bought anything for him or even paid me back the money I loaned him.
So obviously there is a lot of anger/resentment between the two of us.
I recently started dating someone who is kind, amazing, and great with my son. Lately my son starts crying for his daddy anytime he gets angry or over-tired. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it kills a little bit of me everytime. My boyfriend is also slightly upset bc he has been there for my son while his dad has done nothing for him.
How do i explain in a way an almost 3 y/o can understand, that his dad is choosing no longer to be a part of his life? That it's just him and mommy now?
** Just for the record I didn't move, his dad did. His dad chooses not to call despite my begging him to. Also, I never bad mouth his dad in front of him. I just can't find the right words to make the transition smoother.
I find it sad that (although he may not have been responsible) he was an involved father and spent lots of time with his son.. and you took him 250 miles away.
You are 50% to blame for breaking up the family. So please don't tell your son his Dad doesn't want to be in his life when he would be had you not taken him away.
If it was your ex who moved away, that's different. But I still wouldn't tell a 3 year old his Dad isn't going to be around anymore. That's just cruel.
by Anonymous 2January 8, 2013 at 1:02 PMIf you recently started dating someone how can that person even be the least bit upset that your son prefers his dad??
Who care how nice he is, he hasn't had the bonding time it takes to have a solid relationship with the child, and he shouldn't unless you guys are serious otherwise when this guy doesn't work out (if he doesn't) your son will lose another father figure.
You don't flat out tell him his dad isn't coming back, that will backfire on you big time if he finally wants to see his son more, however I would explain to him that since daddy is so far away that it's hard for him to come see him.
I just keep telling him Daddy lives with Grammy now, which only seems to upset him more. I'm at a loss of what to do :(
I know it's hard, about all you can do is to be consistent on your discipline and keep telling him that daddy is no longer living near by, or with Grammy, he still has to get used to the idea that daddy isn't around all the time any more. Hang in there, it WILL get better.
by azpreemiemomJanuary 8, 2013 at 1:03 PMYou don't. You tell him that you are sorry that daddy isn't here, but his daddy loves him.
We moved out of town so we could explain the lack of interest in terms of distance. Telling your son anything more will just hurt him. As DS gets older, we explain that his mother loves him very much but she has some problems, and those problems made her choose to have him live somewhere he would be safe all the time. In the meantime, does your ex have a phone? Could you set up skype or a phone call once a week? I get that he was abusive, but it doesn't seem to have been toward your son. Even though DS doesn't see his mother often, we do set up skype and phone calls frequently because anything else will just hurt him more.
I try to get my ex to call and be more active, but he only calls late at night when my son is asleep and then he gets mad that I won't wake him up. I'm not sure what to do anymore.
you can't really say that . . . you just tell his daddy loves him but can't be there right now . . . tell him how much you love him and tell him it breaks your heart to see him so sad . . . assure him you will always be there for him and hug him tightly . . .
by Tabitha21January 8, 2013 at 1:06 PMI know it's hard but please keep those thoughts in your head and only talk about it when you know your son can't hear because it will only hurt him more. He loves his dad and just missing him. I know it's hard.. My husband has done a lot of really unforgivable things but I choose to stay for the emotional health of my daughter. One day he will thank you for being there for him and realize his dad wasn't. I cried over my dad until I was an adult and then realized what a piece of crap he was then it was like I wasn't really missing out on much.
He's a baby. I would NOT put that kind of pressure on him. Let him see on his own but do not bad mouth the father in front of your son. He's too little to understand.
I never bad mouth him in front of my son, although i have been tempted. I just dont want him to keep waiting on someone that may never come around.