A little background...
A little while back I finally had the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend and the father of my only son. They were close, his dad played with him a lot and spoiled him, but as far as actual responsibility he never helped.
Since the split my son has visited his father twice, as his father lives 250miles away and isn't the most stable person. He hasn't bought anything for him or even paid me back the money I loaned him.
So obviously there is a lot of anger/resentment between the two of us.
I recently started dating someone who is kind, amazing, and great with my son. Lately my son starts crying for his daddy anytime he gets angry or over-tired. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it kills a little bit of me everytime. My boyfriend is also slightly upset bc he has been there for my son while his dad has done nothing for him.
How do i explain in a way an almost 3 y/o can understand, that his dad is choosing no longer to be a part of his life? That it's just him and mommy now?
** Just for the record I didn't move, his dad did. His dad chooses not to call despite my begging him to. Also, I never bad mouth his dad in front of him. I just can't find the right words to make the transition smoother.
January 8 at 12:54 PM
by autiemama516January 8 at 12:56 PM
I am sorry hugs and bump
January 8 at 12:57 PM
I am sorry hugs and bump
January 8 at 12:59 PM
You don't flat out tell him his dad isn't coming back, that will backfire on you big time if he finally wants to see his son more, however I would explain to him that since daddy is so far away that it's hard for him to come see him.
I just keep telling him Daddy lives with Grammy now, which only seems to upset him more. I'm at a loss of what to do :(
January 8 at 1:01 PM
He's a baby. I would NOT put that kind of pressure on him. Let him see on his own but do not bad mouth the father in front of your son. He's too little to understand.
I never bad mouth him in front of my son, although i have been tempted. I just dont want him to keep waiting on someone that may never come around.
by AnonymousJanuary 8 at 1:01 PM
We moved out of town so we could explain the lack of interest in terms of distance. Telling your son anything more will just hurt him. As DS gets older, we explain that his mother loves him very much but she has some problems, and those problems made her choose to have him live somewhere he would be safe all the time. In the meantime, does your ex have a phone? Could you set up skype or a phone call once a week? I get that he was abusive, but it doesn't seem to have been toward your son. Even though DS doesn't see his mother often, we do set up skype and phone calls frequently because anything else will just hurt him more.
by wrensongJanuary 8 at 1:01 PM
He will figure it out as he gets older. For now, just let him grieve his loss. Let him cry when he needs to. Maybe let him have a picture of dad next to his bed