We're not sure YET if that's what we wanna do. So if his reason was "I think I still want more kids" then I'd be okay with it.
But it isn't. He's opposed because "no one is coming near my junk with a knife". Really?! How VAIN can you be?!?! And PS... you're Circ'd!!!!
I've used all the usual arguments... it's an outpatient procedure, I've labored and delivered three times so it's YOUR turn, it's safer and healthier for YOU to do it, it doesn't hurt... I mean I've tried all of that.
He has a best friend who got it done and the guy's left nut swelled to a baseball size, and had all these complications. This information SCREWED me. Dh was mortified and the teeny crack in the door has been slammed shut and sealed forever. He refuses to even revisit the idea. Really? Cuz ONE GUY had complications?!?! COME ON!!!
Anyway, I'm on Mirena right now. Been using the IUD for idk... three years I guess. I'm 90% sure we're done, so we NEED to revisit the issue. He just turned 30. I really, REALLY don't want to get my tubes tied. It's not as failsafe, it's not as easy of a recovery.... and dammit I just don't wanna! I've already had my share of minor surgeries and hospital visits (three babies plus a gallbladder removal). He hasn't had ANY. Never once been admitted.
I feel like it's his turn to step up. I'm tired of being the only one responsible for the size of my family. Birth control has taken a MASSIVE toll on my body. I've been through hell and back trying to find one that works for me. It's his turn to take responsibility for our family. To do SOMETHING to contribute.
by minnemaJanuary 7, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Is he a sports fan? Tell him to get it done before March madness and he can take Thursday and Friday off and do nothing but watch basketball.
Or, just tell him you want more kids then. That's how mine changed his mind. :)
by punkymommy91January 7, 2013 at 5:06 PM
We are about to have a second child, as soon as we found out about her, my hubby told me he was getting it done. His reasoning: all the sex he wants and no risk of babies. Plus he would rather have a minor surgery than me have to get my tubes tied. My only request was that he wait until after our daughter is born.
by Anonymous 8January 7, 2013 at 5:09 PM
It's HIS body. How would you like it if he was bullying you into an irreversable medical procedure you didn't want to have?
This whole thread is just so wrong.
by Meghan6391January 7, 2013 at 5:12 PM
my husband is getting it done. and for your wimp of a hubby let him know they now have a knifeless procedure, they poke a little hole in the sack pull out the tube and snip it... and the guys are under pain meds at the time and dont feel a thing. also it is better for the man to get fixed than it is for us ladies, their procedure is done and they are home in a few minutes and healing is only 3 days if that.. tell him to suck it up and quit being a poon
Here's the thing: To all of you saying it's his body, he can do what he wants.
What about MY body? What about doing what I want?! I didn't WANT to get pregnant the first time. Or the second. Or the third. I wasn't TTC. I love my babies and I'm glad I have them, but my "plan" was to wait until our lives were a little more evened out-our marriage was on the ROCKS back then. So I went and tried every birth control on the market and through my body into a whirlwind of issues, and clearly, three birth control babies later, nothing worked. I've been trying to do what's best for HIM and for MY CHILDREN for a long, long time. I have MADE MY SACRIFICES. I have DONE MY TIME.
I'm open to more kids- but I want to adopt, or foster, or maybe both. I have room in my heart, and room in my home... but not so much room in my budget. I need to finish my masters degree and make some kind of income. Right now he is retired from the military and living off the VA and social security. I'm occassionally working seasonal jobs to get a little extra in the bank and make ends meet. I haven't been able to even land an INTERNSHIP let alone try to get a good steady job with a helpful income. We need to wait on more kids until it is financially doable, if we have more kids at all.
All he has done, in this arena, is knock me up and sit back and watch. And, two out of three times, he deployed while I did the entire pregnancy, labor and delivery all on my own. He doesn't UNDERSTAND the pain and misery that pregnancy causes me. And the deep fears I have of doing it again. Even just one more time. I just want him to STEP UP. Take responsibility. Look at the cold hard facts, and make a damn sacrifice for me. For ONCE. Do something you may not be totally excited to do. If I took that same mentality, I would have had an abortion or two- and told him to shove it cuz it's my body, I can do what I want. It would have DESTROYED us. But hey... my choice right? No. You sacrifice. You do the right thing, even if it doesn't fit your "plan".
And no, it's not HIS penis. It's OUR penis. We are married. Damn near 10 years. WE make decisions TOGETHER on this. We don't shut our spouse out of the equation and sit on our childish, selfish, immature asses with a "hurumph!" and refuse to even discuss. I have needs here. I have wants, sure... but this goes beyond that. I'm not asking him to do it just cuz... I'm asking him with GOOD REASON.
Make a damn sacrifice... that's all I'm saying. Make a damn sacrifice. Do something you may not wanna do. Cuz I went through 27+ months of pregnancy, roughly 40 hours of labor, and 7 years of out of control hormones and birth control methods that FAILED ME.... I did all. So do something in return.