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Dh recently found out he has another son
by Anonymous
January 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM

We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 8 and have 5 children together. A year ago, he found out he has a 12 (now 13) year old son. She wrote him a letter telling him about his son and in the letter, it clearly states that she didn't tell him when she got pregnant. She ended up moving with her family (they were both 18 at the time) out of state and found out she was pregnant and chose to not contact him.

It included her number so after we talked about it, we called her. He told her he would like to have a relationship with him. She said "oh no, that's not why I contacted you, I want my money, you have been a dead beat father for 12 years and I want what you owe, you can see him when you pay ever dime you owe". My brother is an attorney who specializes in family law. He said that because we can prove that DH had no knowledge of the child, he does not owe child support for the past. We also decided to fight paying current child support since, while this is my DH's bio child, he was robbed of the chance to be a father to him, he didn't get to know him as a baby (during the time most of the bonding takes place), he missed most of his growing up and has had no say in how he was raised.

We went to court last month and the judge ordered that DH get the whole summer every year and all of the breaks. He practically laughed at DH's ex when she said she wanted back child support since he was born after we showed him the letter and ordered DH to pay child support based on having 5 other children. Usually, they don't do that when the child the support is ordered for is the first child but since DH didn't know about him and therefore had no reason to have to plan to pay child support, the judge did it. Since the judge also ordered that DH's ex has to pay all transportation costs, the amount of CS will pretty much just cover that.

After talking to his son and understanding that his son does have a life and wants to spend time with his friends and family, DH said that his son could visit as long as he wants, which they agreed would be 2 weeks each summer and a week during spring break.

The sad thing is, I don't think she would have ever contacted him had she not found out that he has a good job and makes a nice income. I am glad that it all worked out in court for us but I do feel bad for my DH. At the same time, and I have a hard time admitting this, I am glad he didn't know. There is no way we would have had all 5 of our kids knowing he has another, especially if he would have been paying the full amount of CS.

He will be coming this spring break for about a week, that's in just a few months. I want to make him feel welcome but at the same time, I don't want my kids to feel unimportant. We have a 5 bedroom home (the twins share a room) but downstairs, we have a computer room that is closed in and it has a fold out couch in it, I was thinking about putting him in there, what do you think? Any other advice?

Replies

  • MistyMoo
    January 6, 2013 at 11:21 AM
    Is he ABSOLUTELY sure it's his? A girl tried to take my ex for a ride for CS and his friends pressured him into getting a DNA test an it turns out te kid wasn't even his, so you can imagine the case got thrown out pretty damn fast. She just wanted money because she knew he was doing well... That's messed up though!
  • lucky2Beeme
    January 6, 2013 at 11:21 AM

    Do you have a child near his age of same sex that could share a room with him. I think making him sleep in office away from everyone might make him feel left out.

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    January 6, 2013 at 11:24 AM
    Wow. I'm not even sure what to say.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 6, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    A DNA test was done before the hearing. That was mandatory because DH never signed the BC or anything.

    Quoting MistyMoo:

    Is he ABSOLUTELY sure it's his? A girl tried to take my ex for a ride for CS and his friends pressured him into getting a DNA test an it turns out te kid wasn't even his, so you can imagine the case got thrown out pretty damn fast. She just wanted money because she knew he was doing well... That's messed up though!


  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM

    No, he is 13, we have a 9 and almost 7 year old DDs, twin boys (who already share a room) who are 6 and a 2 year old DD.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    Do you have a child near his age of same sex that could share a room with him. I think making him sleep in office away from everyone might make him feel left out.


  • lucky2Beeme
    January 6, 2013 at 11:30 AM


    Quoting Anonymous:

    No, he is 13, we have a 9 and almost 7 year old DDs, twin boys (who already share a room) who are 6 and a 2 year old DD.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    Do you have a child near his age of same sex that could share a room with him. I think making him sleep in office away from everyone might make him feel left out.


      I would make up that office bed but also offer him to camp with the twins.Explain that you want him to feel comfortable and let him choose what he thinks is best for him.

  • SweetandSassy12
    January 6, 2013 at 11:30 AM
    What thats crazy
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 6, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    There is really no place to put another bed in it without buying all new furniture. The twins have 2 twin beds that can not be turned into bunk beds. With their dressers and a toy box each, there is no way to put another bed in there. To make it work, we would have to go buy a set of bunk beds and get rid of one of the twin beds. I am not going to do that for someone who will be here 3 weeks a year at most. Plus, a 13 year old boy probably wouldn't want to share a room with 2 6 year olds.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:


    Quoting Anonymous:

    No, he is 13, we have a 9 and almost 7 year old DDs, twin boys (who already share a room) who are 6 and a 2 year old DD.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    Do you have a child near his age of same sex that could share a room with him. I think making him sleep in office away from everyone might make him feel left out.


      I would make up that office bed but also offer himn to camp with the twins.


  • lucky2Beeme
    January 6, 2013 at 11:34 AM


    Quoting Anonymous:

    There is really no place to put another bed in it without buying all new furniture. The twins have 2 twin beds that can not be turned into bunk beds. With their dressers and a toy box each, there is no way to put another bed in there. To make it work, we would have to go buy a set of bunk beds and get rid of one of the twin beds. I am not going to do that for someone who will be here 3 weeks a year at most. Plus, a 13 year old boy probably wouldn't want to share a room with 2 6 year olds.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:


    Quoting Anonymous:

    No, he is 13, we have a 9 and almost 7 year old DDs, twin boys (who already share a room) who are 6 and a 2 year old DD.

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    Do you have a child near his age of same sex that could share a room with him. I think making him sleep in office away from everyone might make him feel left out.


      I would make up that office bed but also offer himn to camp with the twins.


     If its only for 2 weeks during the summer couldnt your twins share a bed. DHs son just might want to share. It might make him feel more part of the family.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    January 6, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    I was SHOCKED. My DH was never a man whore or anything like that where you would expect this. He has only been with 3 women including me.

    Quoting SweetandSassy12:

    What thats crazy


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