Mom Confessions
SO and I have been together for about 6 months. He is medically retired, a former cop but his patrol car was hit by a drunk driver in 2005 and he can't work anymore because of his injuries. On Dec 26, he went to his doctor, and the doctor informed him that basically, SO is not going to get any better, ever, and that they'll be lucky to keep him comfortable for the rest of his life, let alone get him to the point where he could work in ANY job again.
Even though he kind of knew this was the case (he's had multiple surgeries, and will need many more, but he's still in pain almost constantly and can barely take care of his house some days), I think it hit him kind of hard.
Anyway, since then he's been increasingly more and more irritated wth everything, but particularly with me. He's frequently bothered by things my parents and my ex (father of my two daughters) do, as am I, but since that appointment, SO has been blaming ME for 'not doing enough' to change the behaviors.
Then last night he told me he's tired of being 'something I'm just settling for', and told me not to come over tonight like we had planned. I have never done ANYTHING to act better than SO, in fact I think I'm lucky he wants to be with me (he's older, and has his shit together a lot more than I do at this point)
So today he's not talking to me, not responding to texts... I'm just not sre what's going on. I'm also not sure how much more of this I want to take... but I don't want to lose him. I feel so pathetic!
Just so that it's not too confusing, I've now changed my font color because someone commented that it was hard to read :)
Thanks for the advice, ladies. I just texted him this:
"I don't want to make you feel smothered, and if you want space, it's yours. Just please know that I will be here whenever you want me/are ready for it. I love you, I'm in this 100% and have never once felt like I am settling in any way. You are everything I want, and I will try to leave you alone now. I love you and I'll be thinking of you"
Replies
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Counselling.
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for him, or couples counseling? I'm already in individual counseling.
Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:
Counselling.
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Awe poor guy, just be as supportive as you can and give him the space he wants. Makes sure he knows how much you care
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Depression, I'm pretty sure. Keep reaching out to him. Assure him you're not settling (I have this problem sometimes with my husband of 6 yrs!). He does need to seek therapy for the many feelings he has from being told for sure.
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I would show up on his door step anyways. That could be really dangerous not trying to scare you but he could do something to hurt himself. Plus this is something that needs to be talked about in person not through text or over the phone. I urge you to go visit all he can do is ask you to leave.
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That's what I'm trying to do, but it's hard to resist the urge to reach out, plus there's the flipside, where I'm pissed that he's being immature and somewhat controlling (hanging up on me, and now refusing to answer my texts, etc). I'm very torn, currently.
Quoting Anonymous:
Awe poor guy, just be as supportive as you can and give him the space he wants. Makes sure he knows how much you care
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I think he could use individual with some couples thrown in there. Just so you know what's going on in his head.
Quoting mss119:
for him, or couples counseling? I'm already in individual counseling.
Quoting MooBaaLaLaLa80:
Counselling.
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I'm just not sure how to suggest it to him. I do realize that he would benefit from therapy, but he's very independent, and I'm sure would just tell me he's fine :/ So I may be stuck with just waiting to see what happens, if he starts dealing with it better.
Quoting Anonymous:
Depression, I'm pretty sure. Keep reaching out to him. Assure him you're not settling (I have this problem sometimes with my husband of 6 yrs!). He does need to seek therapy for the many feelings he has from being told for sure. -
It sounds like he is depressed. He needs help, not you.
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He is definitely dealing with depression. And unfortunately, taking it out on you.