Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?
Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.
What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.
I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.
I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.
Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.
Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.
Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.
I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.
by AnonymousJanuary 3 at 9:13 AM
Fucking nazi bitch. You think your daughter will listen?? NO, being that strict will make her more rebelious.
She would live in the dark ages for a month. Everything electronic would be taking. Tv, cellphone, games, toys, whatever she has that brings her enjoyment. I would go to a bookstore and find a book on teenagers and have her read out loud to me every evening.
Give her a task to do that she doesn't like, perhaps cleaning a room or bathroom. When it comes towards the end of her punishment I would give her a room to clean. I would hide a note in the room that says the punishment is over. If she cleaned properly she would find the note. If she doesn't she would stay on punishment until she did it correctly. Since the problem is her room I would hide the note in her room.
She needs to know how serious what she did was, I would not take this lightly because she is just 13 take it light and what the hell will she do at 16. I am normally not for being so stern but I am learning from my friends that have daughters that you have to be stern with love.
Maybe that was extreme but so was your reply. I take it you have a third grade education. If she turned up in a box who would the Nazi be then bitch? To much is happening to kids now a days. I feel sorry for kids they can't enjoy their childhood. .
Personally, I don't think its strict at all. Even if her mom grounded her for a week that would not be strict. Its better than not doing anything at all. And for the record my kids haven't pulled this. I didn't have any problems with them. Go figure.
If you can't repley to a comment like you have sense then don't reply at all. I hope you are not a parent.
by CjEmmemommyJanuary 3 at 10:42 AM
We all made stupid mistakes and this one is hers. I think it's a normal one but she wouldn't be out of my sight for a while. If need be I will join her at school but at the least I will drop off and pick up and she will be with me all day after school.
Some family members of ours put their head in the sand on a topic like this and their 14 year old son got a 13 yr old pregnant,
Good luck, sounds like you are on top of things.
by StefonoJanuary 3 at 11:05 AM
Well 1st off I doubt your a terrible parent. Lots of Teens do it, NOT all. Obviously. But I did allot, before I got cought. For me circumstances where probabally totally different though.If it's the worst thing she has done & she has all GOOD friends that you know I wouldn't worry to much. But stay ontop of things, teens are looking to find out who they are, where they belong , `changing` every witch way!!!I'd say just keep doing what you are, maybe step' it' up a bit knowing now she does have a mind of her own and she is stepping out with it.Sometimes they don't understand just how serious it is that, " Things do go wrong & bad things DO happen ", ya know, many teens have that " oh that'll never happen to me ", attitude. Oh life isn't easy , & being a good Parent doesn't come east iether.' Good Luck with everything...It's a BIG plus that you & your Hubby are on the same page!!!!!!
by AnonymousJanuary 3 at 12:14 PM
gee thank you!Always happy to help the barely literate here at "moms' confessions".
She sneaked out. "Snuck" is not a word.
A 13 year old sneaking out? Sounds like you have a dysfunctional family.Time for some serious talks and some consistent discipline.
by Anonymous - Original PosterJanuary 3 at 12:32 PMThat's just it, were nit overly strict. There are rules and boundaries and consequences but she also had the appropreate freedom for a child her age.
She will be finding out just how much freedom she had now that she won't have any for a while.
Strict parents create sneaky kids. Just saying. Your daughter probably won't sneak out again for months, but eventually she's going to figure out a way around those alarms and she's gone again. Trust me, my parents tried the same thing and more since my stepdad is a police officer.
by Anonymous - Original PosterJanuary 3 at 12:37 PMYes, she is very active in the youth at church, they meet three times a week, have fun activities that they plan, like amusement park trips, concerts, things like.that. She is also in the chior at school which takes a lot of her time between after school practice and concerts. This is all stuff she has chose to do.
Does she have any school activities? I think if my parents would have kept me busy (in other words, paid for shit for me to do, or let me pay for it) or would have let me do fun things, I would have been less likely to misbehave. Kids need to be kept busy...I'm not saying it's like a 100% thing but maybe get her involved in sports or dance or something she likes doing.
by Anonymous - Original PosterJanuary 3 at 12:40 PMBecause she's only 13 and was gone at 5 in the morning with other kids her age and a boy who is 17, almost 18.
I'm just curious, I might have missed a line or two, but why did you call the cops?
You aren't a bad parent at all, you have a teenager! I was a VERY well behaved child, but I still would sneak out every now and again, it's part of being a teen I guess. My mother would ground me but I had to be a little rebelious. I'm sorry they were 15 miles away, and 17 is a little old. Times are odd and kids grow up fast sadly.
by aponderJanuary 3 at 2:08 PM
I say ground her, and make her earn trust back and you know what having the cops come get her may have scared her straight, I think you've already handled this on the right foot, way to go.
by StevieMarieJanuary 3 at 6:42 PM
Ok, first, stop beating yourself up, youre not a bad parent, a failure, or otherwise. I dont have teens but 5 years ago I was one. I snuck out when I was 13, nothing bad came of it, even though we got caught, no cops were involved, I did get grounded for a VERY long time. One thing I can caution you on, is that in my parents lectures wihtme over this period of grounding, "ALL trust is gone" and "Well Why would I believe anything you say now?" was a big part of the theme. While I understand your fear, worry, frustration and overall feeling of betrayal, dont let those two phrases came out daily. First, its overkill and will have one of two effects (by my train of thought). One, she will start to think like I did "Well, they dont trust me anyways and wont believe anything I say now, so why try?" and do watever I want, which I did, for 4 years. OR Two, decide what shes done is horrible and reinforce what she's hearing from you, and while she may decide not to lash out and misbehave anyways, will harbor unnecessary amounts of disdain for herself which will later affect other areas of her life negatively. I did both. I never got into serious trouble withthe law, maintained the amazing grdes I had all the my life, and was a good person, but ever since that first event, it was clear I'd never be trusted again no matter what I did, and I wasnt. me and my dad still have issues stemming from this first happening.
by AnonymousFebruary 15 at 1:12 AM
Any more updates?