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Anonymous
Just caught my husband in a huge lie.
by Anonymous
January 1, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Most of you will probably say this isn't a big deal. But to me it is. In my first marriage, my husband used porn to replace me. And needless to say it damaged me. So when I started dating my now husband I told him how I felt about porn. He told me it was not something he was interested in. It's never been a problem until now. What made me start to wonder if he was hiding something from me was if he needed me to help him with something on his phone, he became very anxious. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had but about two hours ago it got the best of me and I picked his phone up and looked in the history. It was full of porn.

I woke him up and confronted him. Of course he got defensive, said he didn't know how it got there. I told him do not lie to me, and he said ok, yes I have been looking at it. My first thought was I must be lacking somewhere as his wife and maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He started crying and said he has been trying to tell me but was afraid I would leave him. Ok, I can understand that. I told him keeping secrets from me will end our marriage faster than him looking at pictures on a phone. It's the lying that has hurt me the most. I flat out asked him if he still loved me or was this an indication he is no longer happy with me. He said no, that he loves me more than anything and its been eating him up. We have been talking and crying together for the last two hours. I know he was being sincere, and we are going to work through this. I'm telling you ladies, woman's intuition is never wrong.

I'm still hurt. And yes my trust is broken but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get through this with him. I told him if he wants to look at it to just be honest with me. He said he doesn't want to continue, that he wants to stop, that it got out of hand. The funny thing in all of this is even though he has been looking at it, our sex life hasn't suffered. I know that's a good thing and I feel like God lead me to find out so our marriage doesn't fall apart. We both agreed we need to make more of an effort to have quality alone time together and make sex more of priority. Everything for the past two months makes sense now, he has been extremely irritable, and I could tell something was bothering him. I could see the guilt in his eyes and tonight I could see how it hurt him to see me break down into tears. It's not going to be easy but I honestly feel a huge relief. We made love after we talked and it was a little different, more relaxed than before and we connected differently, if that makes sense.

Have any of you been through this and gotten through it ? Any advice ?

Replies

  • LoveVenus
    January 1, 2013 at 4:20 AM

    Just because a man looks at porn doesn't mean you lack anything...

  • kbornman21
    January 1, 2013 at 4:21 AM
    Porn doesn't bother me, but you're not the only one who had a heart to heart with your honey tonight. I think the new year definitely should reflect on your feelings/emotions. Communication is what makes relationships stronger.

    Glad you are able to open up and glad he is able to do the same!

    Happy New Year!
  • Salsacookies
    January 1, 2013 at 4:22 AM

    I have no issues with porn, so I'm not much help. If your sex life is still as great as ever, maybe it wasn't the porn with your ex, it was just him being a douche. Maybe try watching it together to spice things up even more. It really gets the creative juices flowing...hint, hint.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 1, 2013 at 4:24 AM
    Thats what he said. But that's how it makes me feel. Only thing I can think of is because of what happened in my first marriage.

    Quoting LoveVenus:

    Just because a man looks at porn doesn't mean you lack anything...

  • Baby5678
    January 1, 2013 at 4:24 AM
    I don't know the whole story but it seems like you're being hard on him. He's not your ex. It's pretty normal for most men to look at stuff like that sometimes. If your relationship is fine other than that why not let it go and just tell him to keep it minimal and discreet?
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 1, 2013 at 4:25 AM
    I use to hate the idea of my man watching porn. Then I got into a serious relationship, I discovered porn is a better alternative to looking at naked women than a strip club or something. Of course your man can still love you and want to watch porn. I mean is your sex life still in gear? I assume that is when men start either cheating or looking at porn.
  • BrittM1988
    January 1, 2013 at 4:26 AM

    Happened to my husband and I also.. I told him before we even began dating that porn is a big no no to me, but while I was home on vacation I found out he was looking at it, well after setting up strict boundries about it, he hasn't looked since.. it's been 4 months now.. and we're stronger then ever.. :) Good luck momma

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 1, 2013 at 4:26 AM
    Thank you ! I'm glad it happened on New Year's Day. Porn is just a major sore spot for me. Yes I'm aware I'm insecure.

    Quoting kbornman21:

    Porn doesn't bother me, but you're not the only one who had a heart to heart with your honey tonight. I think the new year definitely should reflect on your feelings/emotions. Communication is what makes relationships stronger.



    Glad you are able to open up and glad he is able to do the same!



    Happy New Year!
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    January 1, 2013 at 4:30 AM
    Yep, sex life still in gear. We have sex at least 4 times a week. But somehow after the conversation tonight, it was better than ever. I fully admit I freaked. And I did apologize to him. I could have gone about it better but it did lead to us having a heart to heart and us both feeling better. Maybe we needed a blow out.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I use to hate the idea of my man watching porn. Then I got into a serious relationship, I discovered porn is a better alternative to looking at naked women than a strip club or something. Of course your man can still love you and want to watch porn. I mean is your sex life still in gear? I assume that is when men start either cheating or looking at porn.
  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    January 1, 2013 at 4:30 AM
    I know how you feel I feel like shit when I find that shit on y husbands comp he has lost my trust and I don't know if I even love him anymore

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