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13 year olds sexting
by Anonymous
December 22, 2012 at 2:01 AM

Long story short, the school confiscated my sons phone for texting in class.  He was acting shady about it and they called me to tell me.  I told them I would be right there to get it.  When I got there I looked and discovered his girlfriend from another school sent him a naked picture.  

DS is 14, just turned this month.  His gf is 13, turning 14 on the 25th of Jan.  The principle said that they have no right to tell her parents, nor any right to get him in trouble as it is two 13 year olds and there is no real age difference (in our state it isn't considered child porn like other states).  They said they are turning a blind eye to it and not getting involved and its left up to us.  

My husband and I are in disagreement.  He thinks we need to tell her parents.  I don't want to.  

Hear me out.  We moved here a few years ago and ds has had issues making lasting connections and friendships.  If I ruin this it might devastate him and further alienate him, if I tell her parents they will never allow her to speak to him again and isolate him from this new group of kids which are very well behaved compared to the group at his school (we had a party and the group from the school was cursing and acting crazy, the new group from the other school was well dressed and very polite).  I just want the relationship to run its course.  Plus I hardly know her parents, how I even start this conversation?  As a mother I would want to know what my daughter was doing, but on the other hand, I check my son's phone (she had just sent this to him) so I would have already known what he was doing and busted him anyway which they need to be doing, not me.  They aren't having sex, they aren't allowed to go anywhere together.  He is literally under my thumb at all times, they don't attend the same school, I go with him to all of his sporting events etc.  I think its natural curiosity.  

What are your thoughts?  Who do you agree with?  Me or my husband? 

Replies

  • child_of_fire
    December 23, 2012 at 4:42 AM
    I know it's uncomfortable, but by not telling her parents, you're sacrificing her self-esteem, self-worth, and potentially her future safety for your son's social life. It sucks because of course your priority is your son, but the stakes are higher with her. Tell her parents.
  • Lindalou907
    December 23, 2012 at 5:12 AM

    I would talk with the girl, not her parents. Everybody makes mistakes, just tell her to knock it off or you'll have to tell her folks.

  • MommyMitchy247
    December 23, 2012 at 5:17 AM

    I would tell her parents but explain to them that it's not all her fault. 

    If you tell them what you've told us, maybe they will understand.

  • Anonymous 48
    by Anonymous 48
    December 23, 2012 at 5:20 AM
    You need to tell her parents.
  • the4mutts
    December 23, 2012 at 6:04 AM
    This.


    Quoting SommerRayne06:

    I understand what you are saying, but I would still tell her parents. Reason being, the next guy may publicly humiliate her with those photos, or worse yet, grown men could get those pictures, and then who knows what could happen! You are saving her from so much if you tactfully tell her parents. And maybe you 4 could come to the agreement that separating the two of them probably isn't a good idea.

  • Anonymous 49
    by Anonymous 49
    December 23, 2012 at 9:06 AM
    My dumb ass little sister did this a few years ago when she was 13. She sent it to her 'boyfriend' and he sent it to all his friends. I think everyone in the 8th grade saw this picture. Someone's mom call our parents and they grounded her and took away her phone. She still isn't allowed to have the picture messaging feature on her phone 3 years later. People at school hated her the rest of the year. They called her horrible names and no one would talk to her. Please please tell this girls parents. You can save her with just one phone call.
  • robsgurl_23
    December 23, 2012 at 9:16 AM

    If my daughters were doing that I would want to know..if I found out my daughters were doing that they would lose texting on their phone until I decide they are old enough and mature enough to use texting the right way. I think the girls parents should know about it and you should send the girl a text from your son's phone letting her know that you are his parents and you know about the picture she is sending your son and you would like it to stop. 

  • xixCandyxix
    December 23, 2012 at 9:22 AM

    kids have to learn about personal accountability someday, what better time than when she humiliates herself, perhaps in the future when she's not even WITH this woman's son anymore? at 13 going on 14 if i got into trouble i was on my own to deal with the repercussions, not mommy and daddy swoop in and stop me from fucking up in the first place.

    Quoting Anonymous:


    Quoting xixCandyxix:

    i'm on your side. its not breaking a law so let them be.

    It's not about the sexting between them that I think is the issue.  Think bigger then that.  What happens if she does this again so carelessly.  (yes, between them is on the table)... but I think the reason for telling is to potentially stop a growing snowball.  Her parents should know. 


  • AdensMommy1107
    December 23, 2012 at 9:29 AM
    I think you need to talk to her parents. Not saying your son is like this, but this situation is how girls' get naked pictures on the internet that haunt them. She needs to realize what a stupid choice that was and face the consequences so she doesn't do it again with someone else.
  • Anonymous 50
    by Anonymous 50
    December 23, 2012 at 9:31 AM
    You realize some teens have KILLED themselves because of this humiliation right? I don't think there's a "better time" for that.

    Quoting xixCandyxix:

    kids have to learn about personal accountability someday, what better time than when she humiliates herself, perhaps in the future when she's not even WITH this woman's son anymore? at 13 going on 14 if i got into trouble i was on my own to deal with the repercussions, not mommy and daddy swoop in and stop me from fucking up in the first place.

    Quoting Anonymous:



    Quoting xixCandyxix:

    i'm on your side. its not breaking a law so let them be.

    It's not about the sexting between them that I think is the issue.  Think bigger then that.  What happens if she does this again so carelessly.  (yes, between them is on the table)... but I think the reason for telling is to potentially stop a growing snowball.  Her parents should know. 


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