Long story short, the school confiscated my sons phone for texting in class. He was acting shady about it and they called me to tell me. I told them I would be right there to get it. When I got there I looked and discovered his girlfriend from another school sent him a naked picture.
DS is 14, just turned this month. His gf is 13, turning 14 on the 25th of Jan. The principle said that they have no right to tell her parents, nor any right to get him in trouble as it is two 13 year olds and there is no real age difference (in our state it isn't considered child porn like other states). They said they are turning a blind eye to it and not getting involved and its left up to us.
My husband and I are in disagreement. He thinks we need to tell her parents. I don't want to.
Hear me out. We moved here a few years ago and ds has had issues making lasting connections and friendships. If I ruin this it might devastate him and further alienate him, if I tell her parents they will never allow her to speak to him again and isolate him from this new group of kids which are very well behaved compared to the group at his school (we had a party and the group from the school was cursing and acting crazy, the new group from the other school was well dressed and very polite). I just want the relationship to run its course. Plus I hardly know her parents, how I even start this conversation? As a mother I would want to know what my daughter was doing, but on the other hand, I check my son's phone (she had just sent this to him) so I would have already known what he was doing and busted him anyway which they need to be doing, not me. They aren't having sex, they aren't allowed to go anywhere together. He is literally under my thumb at all times, they don't attend the same school, I go with him to all of his sporting events etc. I think its natural curiosity.
What are your thoughts? Who do you agree with? Me or my husband?
by AnonymousDecember 23, 2012 at 1:22 AMYou should tell her parents. They may not make her cut all ties with your son. I don't think that's how I would handle it with my own dd anyway.
Are you really a parent?
I would inform her her actions have consequences. I believe in natural and logical consequences so probably no help.
There's actually a well known story if a girl you sent a top less photo of herself to her ex bf because he told her they would get back together if she did. She was a virgin and he dumped her for not being intimate. He showed her photo to everyone. Her parents went as far as going to the cops because over night her life at school was ruined..she was being tormented. The police told her that if they wanted to move forward with legal actions that she could be charged with generating and distribution of child porn.
Minors sexting is not innocent or nothing to worry about.
I wouldn't tell the parents. I don't think I ever would tell parents about things like that unless I felt their life was in danger.
by AnonymousDecember 23, 2012 at 2:10 AM
Sorry ... You've got to tell!
Right now, this 13 year old girl, sent a naked picture to someone who has a caring family, and raising a good kid. Next, time what if she isn't so lucky!? She's only 13 ... what if this was her first time, or nearly first time. You may stop a train wreck behavior. Also, just as a parent to parent ... wouldn't you want to know!?
by AnonymousDecember 23, 2012 at 2:12 AM
i'm on your side. its not breaking a law so let them be.
It's not about the sexting between them that I think is the issue. Think bigger then that. What happens if she does this again so carelessly. (yes, between them is on the table)... but I think the reason for telling is to potentially stop a growing snowball. Her parents should know.
I'd tell her parents but in a kind manner, not in a "your daughter sent my son a naked picture how dare you be bad parents!" kind of way lol. I wouldn't care if he had the best friends in the world, a 13 year old sending a naked picture to another kid her age is just inappropriate and there would be consequences, especially the phone being limited to a prepaid cell phone that can't receive picture messages etc. I understand how you feel about your son having issues with social connections, but it still doesn't justify what the "children" are doing. They aren't adults, they need some sort of punishment and some better teaching about why they shouldn't be doing that sort of thing at that young of an age.
I agree with you. While she did send the pictures under her own choice, it will be looked at as your son pressured her to do it. Parents talk, ontop of her parents most likely telling her she is not allowed near him they will also most likely turn it all around and tell others that your son pressured her to send pictures. Then your son is flagged as the bad influence in the group and most likely more parents will not allow their kids to be around yours.
*forgot to add :
Everyone is saying that they need to be punished, its not your job to punish another child. Do whatever you feel is needed to your child.
by AnonymousDecember 23, 2012 at 4:26 AMI think I would ground him from the phone let her know you know and that it is to stop and inappropriate .
by AnonymousDecember 23, 2012 at 4:38 AMThis happened to us I kid you not the only difference is that I caught my son not the school. I took away his phone and I told him if he needs to contact me he can call me from school. The girl I said nothing to her parents 1 she has been doing it for awhile and my son was not the first nor will be be the last. 2 her parents already had an idea I read through his texts and she said she was already in trouble for doing some bad things but her parents gave her back her phone anyway. Overall I made my son break up with her and I threatened like hell if they were still together I would go to the school tell the principal and embarrass the hell out of both of them. My son is still a virgin and I want to keep it that way an not have him loose it to some fast ass. Who by the way also lost her virginity awhile ago. In the end my son noticed she had other issues and I told him to tell a counselor at school anonymously . That way they can address her issues without saying who told on her and my son feels like he helped.