Mom Confessions
Well, it's all over. I warned her ahead of time. I sent her those links, and she's convinced he's int he 4%, so I didn't push it. But I told her if he can't touch anything peanut-related than my house will not be safe for them. I told her my aunt always makes a pecan pie for Christmas because it's sort of a tradition and I couldn't ask her not to since she's coming in from out of town. (Pulled that entire story out of my ass). So anyway, last minute she decided not to come. But I made her a couple plates of food (basic stuff that I knew was okay) and brought it over. I don't know if she ate it or not, but I did my part.
Thanks for all the advice ladies!
Confession: I can't stand this woman... I have to redo my entire menu because this woman is coming for christmas and bringing her child who has a peanut allergy. I'm not bashing the kid, but the mom is so damn picky that it makes it sooo difficult to cater to her needs on an already stressful day. Ugh.
Some Basic Facts:
I didn't "invite" her. Somehow lines of communication got incorrectly crossed. She is not "my" friend. We are casual acquaintances because our sons are very good friends. I had no idea how extreme she was with her childs' allergies.
Peanut-related ingredients are not just foods containing whole peanuts. Read your labels on EVERYTHING and you will find many unsafe things in your own home. Flour, oil, stuffing, macaroni, bread, bread crumbs, TONS of things. Think about all the ingredients you use for the holidays.
And she isn't asking that I simply skip actual peanut-dishes (which would be reasonable). She is asking that I read all labels and throw away all "unsafe" ingredients, then scrub and sanitize my ENTIRE house and replace cookie sheets because those are a "definite" threat because I made PB cookies a few months ago on them.
She is NOT offering to purchase anything, help clean, or bring her child a separate dish. I have a revolving door on the holidays. Anyone is welcome, I just ask that they bring something. I cannot guarantee that EVERYONE will purchase new oil, flour, whatever they use and either sterilize or buy new containers and utensils.
I wonder if I should bring this website to her attention. This is coming from a pretty reliable source, but I will continue to look. So either she's blowing this WAY out of proportion, or she doesn't know the facts. But after dealing with this for sooo long, I'm assuming she knows but doesn't want to admit it...
http://www.aaaai.org/ask-the-expert/anaphylaxis-to-peanut-from-touching.aspx
Replies
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I do understand that you feel you need to go with her experience on it. I'm just really offended for you now. If it's that bad then she needs to bring the child food or stay home. Thats a little outrageous to expect someone else to do it.
I say this as a mother of a child with several food allergies, and a person with several food allergies of her own.Quoting Anonymous:
She talks down to me (in a way) if I try to argue things like this to her. She does the whole "You have no idea what it's like, etc"... She said no, it's too risky to use a baking sheet that could have possibly made PB cookies on it a few months ago. I even offered to sanitize it (boil them) or cook them empty in the oven on a very high temp. Not good enough. I also cannot cook with any ingredients that may contain nuts and/or ones processed in the same plant (i.e. flour, oil, etc). And I have to check (and she will double check) all of my current ingredients and I must replace ones that are unsafe with ones that are safe.
I hate to disagree with her, because she knows more about this than me. But I'd hate to say "ohhh fuck it, he'll be fine" and then something happen, kwim?
Quoting Anonymous:
You don't actually need to buy new cookie sheets. Just wash the ones you have. If shes telling you differently she is an idiot.
Really you should just tell her to bring food for her daughter and that you are happy to ommit actual peanuts from your recipes. If shes choosing to be there then she needs to be the one to worry about what to feed her child. A few dishes that she can eat with 10000% no worry, and other dishes that don't contain nuts (even if the ingredients are processed in the same plant) should suffice.
Quoting Anonymous:
An inconvenience? I have to scrub my house top to bottom, remove any and all traces of peanuts or treenuts or anything that MAY have been contaminated, purchase new cookie sheets, and purchase new ingredients (some of which cost more than what I usually buy).
It's more than just an inconvenience.
Quoting Pandapanda:
Then un-invite them if something they cannot help is such an inconvenience on you.
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You know a friend of mine who attends my kids birthday parties every year invited us to her daughters birthday. I have been to their house a few times without my kids. I know they smoke in their house, I do not want my kids exposed to that so I asked my mom if she would watch the kids for an hour so we could go to the birthday party for a little bit. I do not feel so entitled that I ask people to change their lives for me. Their house their rules. If I fear that something is going to harm my child I avoid it.
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You could ask her to come over Christmas eve and help you sanitize your house and bring everything from her house to cook with. Tell her that you feel you do not understand (throw her words back at her) enough about peanut allergies and you would never want to do anything to harm him and you are scared that you might miss something. Bet she don't show up lol
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I say just politely tell her that you don't have the time or budget to accommodate those requests, but you hope she can come anyway. Then just let it go.
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Grow some balls and tell her she isnt welcome.
Seriously...
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The woman could at least offer to come over and help her clean, offer to let her use her cookie sheets etc
Quoting Anonymous:
Child's life...peanuts........child's life.........peanuts....and yes it can be that bad.........I say let's vote for the child's life.
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I'd uninvite her. Seriously, peanut moms go way too far.
I know I'll be hated for this, but if I know a kid has peanut allergies, no matter how nice the KID is, I don't invite them to birthday parties or any other party, because there's a 9 of 10 chance their mom is psycho and will take over the whole event.
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At first I was like "well you know, it could endanger the child's life" but then you edited and now I'm like "fuck that bitch". I'd tell her to either help out with the cleaning and the costs or just stay at home.
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This is exactly what I would do.
Quoting melakay1981:
You could ask her to come over Christmas eve and help you sanitize your house and bring everything from her house to cook with. Tell her that you feel you do not understand (throw her words back at her) enough about peanut allergies and you would never want to do anything to harm him and you are scared that you might miss something. Bet she don't show up lol
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I understand what you are saying. Its a pain in my butt with our allergies, but the lady could at least make her child's own meal if its that bad. I have to read all the ingredients for my safety and it sucks! My food allergies are in everything. It just can't be in the top 5 ingredients. But changing all of your food just for one person, SHE really needs to step up and provide for themselves then. You are right, you can't ask everyone that is coming to change their food ingrdients to be fresh also. Buying new cookie sheets? That is crazy...bleach them. LOL Or put foil over them. She is asking way too much. (YES I do understand the allergy quite too well)
The mom knows what situation she is putting her kid into, she should accomadate for her child.