Mom Confessions
My ex-husband insists to DD that his girlfriend is his wife. I tell her that they love each other so much that they call each other husband and wife, but they're not married to the government. I told her about how to have a marriage you have to get a license and have a marriage ceremony. Sometimes the marriage ceremony is run by a judge, sometimes a priest or minister. Sometimes it's small. And sometimes it's big, like a wedding. And I said that marriage just means something different to her daddy than it does to me, and at my house she cannot call his girlfriend her "stepmother" because I want something different for my daughter, because if she has a husband someday I want him to really be her husband. I asked what she thought, and she said marriage meant the same thing to me as it did to her, because she can learn a lot and know a lot, and she can tell everyone she made the Honor Roll at school, but unless she really made the Honor Roll it wouldn't matter much to her.
Well, today we were in court for an unrelated issue, and the judge instructed me that I was to start calling his girlfriend his "wife." He said they shared finances, a child, and a home together. They have made promises to each other and to God. And I am to respect their union and stop referring to her as his "girlfriend" and insisting that our daughter call her a "girlfriend" as well.
12/13/2012 UPDATE: I got a copy of the written order from the judge. I thought my lawyer had said that the written order would have this on it, and he said that he had thought it was going to from what our judge said, but it turns out that he didn't include anything about what to call my ex-husband's girlfriend. So, I assume we should continue to refer to her as his wife during hearings, but I'm free to share my views on marriage with our daughter while I'm in my own home. That's not so bad.
As an aside, since the judge viewed them as married, and the whole reason their relationship was brought up was because my ex-husband wanted to have his child support lowered, our judge decided to not lower my ex-husband's child support obligation. It says that although the father claims to be unemployed, his wife is working full-time, and he is taking care of their infant son while she works, so it can be assumed that he is a SAHD, and not an unemployed single father. And our daughter should not have her lifestyle lowered beccause her father chose to expand his family, so his child support obligation remains unchanged.
- Only group members can vote in this poll.
- 45% - Follow the judge's instructions
- 54% - Continue to insist that your daughter not call her a "stepmother" in your home
Replies
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It's true. He instructed my lawyer to stop calling her his girlfriend during the questioning. My lawyer said I could appeal. Not because he said anything illegal, but because the judge made a legal error by modifying a parenting plan on an order for contempt of child support. But my lawyer wants thousands of dollars if I go for the appeal, because he said an appeal is really expensive and time consuming. And our judge would always remember that I'm the person who proved he made a legal error.
Quoting owl0210: A judge should be disbarred for telling you that. If this story is even true.
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They appear to be common law married. I would talk to my dd as you did and let her do what she feels best. Not all marriges require a piece of paper to make it work.
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A judge can not tell you to force your child to call his girlfriend her step mother...I would file a complaint with that courts upper division. That is beyond his scope of the law and legally he has no rights to force such a suggestion.
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lmao i can't believe a judge commented on that...somehow i find that hard to believe
either way...sounds like you're not over your ex. other wise why would you care what he calls his new girl. if they really have a life together, kids, house, etc...then obviously she's not just some random chick he met yesterday
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I call bs. A judge wouldn't make such a ruling. Sorry. -
Did you stipulate to this and sign? This doesn't make any sense.
Quoting Anonymous:
It's true. He instructed my lawyer to stop calling her his girlfriend during the questioning. My lawyer said I could appeal. Not because he said anything illegal, but because the judge made a legal error by modifying a parenting plan on an order for contempt of child support. But my lawyer wants thousands of dollars if I go for the appeal, because he said an appeal is really expensive and time consuming. And our judge would always remember that I'm the person who proved he made a legal error.
Quoting owl0210: A judge should be disbarred for telling you that. If this story is even true.
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Have your dd call her "daddys wife" NOT stepmom. -
No. Under oath, my ex-husband said they weren't legally married. When his lawyer asked about it, he explained they prayed to God together to make themselves married.
Quoting Two_Hearts:
I hate to break it to you , but the part where the judge said ' they have made promises to eachother and to God' sounds like they may have shown proof that they are in fact married.
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What a stupid thing to argue about. Someone's bitter. -
I would file the appeal because he will not only remember you pointed his error out but he will not make that error again ever...if you dont then you are allowing another mother in the future to receive the same treatment.
Quoting Anonymous:
It's true. He instructed my lawyer to stop calling her his girlfriend during the questioning. My lawyer said I could appeal. Not because he said anything illegal, but because the judge made a legal error by modifying a parenting plan on an order for contempt of child support. But my lawyer wants thousands of dollars if I go for the appeal, because he said an appeal is really expensive and time consuming. And our judge would always remember that I'm the person who proved he made a legal error.
Quoting owl0210: A judge should be disbarred for telling you that. If this story is even true.