Mom Confessions
My ex-husband insists to DD that his girlfriend is his wife. I tell her that they love each other so much that they call each other husband and wife, but they're not married to the government. I told her about how to have a marriage you have to get a license and have a marriage ceremony. Sometimes the marriage ceremony is run by a judge, sometimes a priest or minister. Sometimes it's small. And sometimes it's big, like a wedding. And I said that marriage just means something different to her daddy than it does to me, and at my house she cannot call his girlfriend her "stepmother" because I want something different for my daughter, because if she has a husband someday I want him to really be her husband. I asked what she thought, and she said marriage meant the same thing to me as it did to her, because she can learn a lot and know a lot, and she can tell everyone she made the Honor Roll at school, but unless she really made the Honor Roll it wouldn't matter much to her.
Well, today we were in court for an unrelated issue, and the judge instructed me that I was to start calling his girlfriend his "wife." He said they shared finances, a child, and a home together. They have made promises to each other and to God. And I am to respect their union and stop referring to her as his "girlfriend" and insisting that our daughter call her a "girlfriend" as well.
12/13/2012 UPDATE: I got a copy of the written order from the judge. I thought my lawyer had said that the written order would have this on it, and he said that he had thought it was going to from what our judge said, but it turns out that he didn't include anything about what to call my ex-husband's girlfriend. So, I assume we should continue to refer to her as his wife during hearings, but I'm free to share my views on marriage with our daughter while I'm in my own home. That's not so bad.
As an aside, since the judge viewed them as married, and the whole reason their relationship was brought up was because my ex-husband wanted to have his child support lowered, our judge decided to not lower my ex-husband's child support obligation. It says that although the father claims to be unemployed, his wife is working full-time, and he is taking care of their infant son while she works, so it can be assumed that he is a SAHD, and not an unemployed single father. And our daughter should not have her lifestyle lowered beccause her father chose to expand his family, so his child support obligation remains unchanged.
- Only group members can vote in this poll.
- 45% - Follow the judge's instructions
- 54% - Continue to insist that your daughter not call her a "stepmother" in your home
Replies
-
I hate to break it to you , but the part where the judge said ' they have made promises to eachother and to God' sounds like they may have shown proof that they are in fact married.
-
This too.
Quoting Anonymous:
let your dd call her whatever she's comfortable with. NOT what you want and NOT what her father and his girlfriend want, but what she wants.
-
Where is the "you are being a control freak" option?
-
Just stop trying to cause conflict. Let her call her whatever she wants and don't interfere with it.
-
I would just refer to her as their step mom. I wouldn't say wife. I don't know why the judge would say that. Wth. -
While I agree with you, I would follow the judges orders.
-
Are they common law? My friend'a dad had had a gf for 17 years. Not married. He calls her his stepmom. She helped raise him. -
The judge can't tell you what, or what not, to call a person. Especially if they aren't ACTUALLY married! What an idiot. I would ignore the judge's orders.
-
-
Unless you want him back, what difference does it make what he refers to her as?