I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.
We had a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).
I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).
She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.
Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.
1) your DD... if he was a worthy father, and her a worthy stepmother, they'd do what they could for the girl who's here. there's no reason why she cant recieve the love and affection from both mother AND father AND her step mother-- the more the merrier, in a way... but it seems as if they overlook that/her. =(
2) i feel bad for the wife. she wants to be a mom... maybe she's scared of approaching you- the BM- about your DD.. i mean, its not her place and how many times have we heard 'the SM needs to stay outta it. its not her business'.. esp on CM alone? maybe its just the jackass boy she married thats cutting her attempts at getting to know her stepdaughter.
overall though-- if its meant to be, it will. just b/c he's a shitty dad to her, he might be an amazing dad to any adopted kids- it happens. maybe adopting kids will make him open his eyes to what a precious gift he has already, just waiting for him. since he's 'legally' doing what he has to do- in the eyes of the court, then 'legally' there's no reason why they shouldnt be able to adopt. if the agency denies them, its not your fault. if they deny them b/c of his lack of involvement, then its HIS fault.