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My ex is now trying to adopt children with his wife when he doesn't even take care of our child
by Anonymous
December 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM

I was contacted by an adoption agency saying that my ex (father of my child) is trying to adopt a child with his wife. The are checking into his background and I guess this includes children he already has. Now I am sure they will verify everything I told them with them with the courts but I told her that I was very shocked because he has very little to do with the child we have.

We had  a visitation order and a child support order and he pays his CS for the most part. But even though he could have had her every other weekend and one day during the week, he was only taking her her, at most one Saturday a month and that's only for an hour or two. So about a year ago, we went back to court and had the visitation changed to at my discretion (it was too much of a pain to sit around and wait to see if he wanted her every other weekend before we made plans).

I have to have him sign we he picks her up and drops her off and he makes his visitation requests in writing (via e-mail or text) so that he can prove when he asks. At this point, he is still only taking her 1 Saturday a month for a couple hours but any time he asks, I make sure she goes with him, that's just all he asks for. He also refuses to do any extras for her, he won't pay for any activities for her and maybe buys her one or two cheap gifts on Christmas (when he can afford way more then that).

She seemed very interested in what I had to say and I would fax her my records, which I said sure and she asked if she could contact me if she needed anything, which I said yes. The second I got off the phone with her, I called my uncle who is an attorney for an adoption agency, not that one though) to ask him if what I said will have any bearing in this. He said that it will be very easy to confirm my story and when the the agency does, their application will be immediately denied. I don't know if the agency will tell them why they have been denied but if they do I am sure he will raise hell about it.

Do you think that someone who doesn't really parent a child he has should be allowed to adopt another child with his new wife? If it matters, I know his wife can't have children so I guess that's why they are trying to adopt.
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 19% - Yes
  2. 80% - No


  • Anonymous 52
    by Anonymous 52
    December 10, 2012 at 2:50 AM

    ah! thats sad.

    i'm torn on both sides..

    1) your DD... if he was a worthy father, and her a worthy stepmother, they'd do what they could for the girl who's here. there's no reason why she cant recieve the love and affection from both mother AND father AND her step mother-- the more the merrier, in a way... but it seems as if they overlook that/her. =(

    2) i feel bad for the wife. she wants to be a mom... maybe she's scared of approaching you- the BM- about your DD.. i mean, its not her place and how many times have we heard 'the SM needs to stay outta it. its not her business'.. esp on CM alone? maybe its just the jackass boy she married thats cutting her attempts at getting to know her stepdaughter.

    overall though-- if its meant to be, it will. just b/c he's a shitty dad to her, he might be an amazing dad to any adopted kids- it happens. maybe adopting kids will make him open his eyes to what a precious gift he has already, just waiting for him. since he's 'legally' doing what he has to do- in the eyes of the court, then 'legally' there's no reason why they shouldnt be able to adopt. if the agency denies them, its not your fault. if they deny them b/c of his lack of involvement, then its HIS fault.

  • lissetteP
    December 10, 2012 at 2:55 AM
    well its her fault fir getting with a pos dad

    Quoting krissy920:

    I feel bad for his new wife  who may desperatly  want a child  of her own, but i feel bad for your child as well.  Its a shame he doesnt want to  spend the time to get to know her more and love her more  =/

  • NiceMom06
    December 10, 2012 at 2:59 AM
    if you said the truth then I don't see anything wrong with it
  • MissJordy
    December 10, 2012 at 3:12 AM

    She was honest, thats what everyone should do in this situation, and they'll check out the court records and see she changed the order because she got sick of him not turning up.

    Quoting XJetX:

    Why was she wrong? She was honest.

    Quoting DieselsMom:

    What you did is wrong.

  • Anonymous 53
    by Anonymous 53
    December 10, 2012 at 3:27 AM
  • WickdlySweet
    December 10, 2012 at 6:02 AM
    I agree.

    Quoting Elly219:

     I get your feelings but it isnt just him that wants a child/baby. His new wife could be an amazing mother but now she may not get a chance.  This makes me sad! :(

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    December 10, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    His wife knows about DD, she knew about her when they were dating. She knows he doesn't see her much, she was even at the last hearing where I proved that he wasn't involved.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Right. The new wife has no idea about the husband seeing his daughter once a month. She thinks he's golfing.

    Quoting AdellesMom:

    I love all of the assumptions here. How do you know that his new wife even knows about the OP? How do you know if the OP is telling the truth?

    You don't.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    You did the right thing, OP. She should be encouraging him to nurture his relationship with his daughter, and she clearly isn't. Someone like that wouldn't make a good mother.

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