Mom Confessions
So, I need some advice. I am 36yrs old. I am starting Cosmetology school April 1, 2013. Schooling will take only 2yrs. I will be doing extra schooling for my goals for the future. My son will be graduating and going to college. I have been wanting to get pregnant. My Dh and I have been married for 3yrs (together for 6yrs). I had a lost a baby 3 months into our relationship, but we decided to try again later on. About a month later, our supervisor where Dh and I used to worked together, got a vasectomy. Dh has 3 other daughters btw. Anyway, my Dh made an appointment and got a vasectomy too. My Dh's appointment was about a month after our supervisor Marty (Marty was Dh's best friend as well). So not even 3 months after I lost our baby and him promising we would try again, he still went and got it done. At first he made a few good reasons why it was best thing for us. Mind you, we were not married at that time, we had basically just met and didn't know each other well enough, and we a couple other things but I believe that things happen for a reason and maybe it wasn't the right time. I got pregnant aroung November of 2006 and lost the baby in February 2007.
Fast foward to now. My Dh and I got married November 2009. Well, I want a baby. I am getting a hysterectomy soon due to endometriosis, I want another baby before that happens. I feel selfish but I can't help feeling resentment (sp?) towards my Dh right now. I really want to get pregnant. If I can't get pregnant, then I can adopt or be a foster parent (maybe both if possible). I have a few questions about Fostering and Adopting but first, is there any possible way for me to get pregnant even with my Dh being fixed? We have talked about getting him unfixed. It's going to cost alot of money. I know adopting costs money too. Dh says he wants to get unfixed but I feel as if its not on top of his list like it is mine. I have tried to let it go over the past few years but I can't shake it off. When I think about it, I get so mad at Dh. He can't understand why I am so mad. I do throw it in his face alot. Mainly when he says he regrets getting fixed. He didn't care to even hear my side before getting fixed. His friend Marty put it into his head that I wa going to take all his money and basically 'trap' him if we didn't work out. So, he got the procedure done and didn't worry about my thoughts about it. I would have tried to talk him out of it. Since we have been married and finally have the life I always wanted my son to have while he was growing up (he's 15), I want to have another baby and start over the right way (I hope that made sense).
Do you think I have the right to be upset? I thought about a divorce but I love my Dh and he is a really good husband, this is the only issue we have. How do we get thru this? Is there any options for mr to get pregnant?
If there is no possible way for me to get pregnant, then we will adopt. I thought about being a foster parent and adopting. But how much is it to adopt?
Sorry this was so long but I needed to let this out. I am hopeing to find a solution before fully deciding on seperating. I do not want to be sperated or divorce at all.
Any suggestions?
Fast foward to now. My Dh and I got married November 2009. Well, I want a baby. I am getting a hysterectomy soon due to endometriosis, I want another baby before that happens. I feel selfish but I can't help feeling resentment (sp?) towards my Dh right now. I really want to get pregnant. If I can't get pregnant, then I can adopt or be a foster parent (maybe both if possible). I have a few questions about Fostering and Adopting but first, is there any possible way for me to get pregnant even with my Dh being fixed? We have talked about getting him unfixed. It's going to cost alot of money. I know adopting costs money too. Dh says he wants to get unfixed but I feel as if its not on top of his list like it is mine. I have tried to let it go over the past few years but I can't shake it off. When I think about it, I get so mad at Dh. He can't understand why I am so mad. I do throw it in his face alot. Mainly when he says he regrets getting fixed. He didn't care to even hear my side before getting fixed. His friend Marty put it into his head that I wa going to take all his money and basically 'trap' him if we didn't work out. So, he got the procedure done and didn't worry about my thoughts about it. I would have tried to talk him out of it. Since we have been married and finally have the life I always wanted my son to have while he was growing up (he's 15), I want to have another baby and start over the right way (I hope that made sense).
Do you think I have the right to be upset? I thought about a divorce but I love my Dh and he is a really good husband, this is the only issue we have. How do we get thru this? Is there any options for mr to get pregnant?
If there is no possible way for me to get pregnant, then we will adopt. I thought about being a foster parent and adopting. But how much is it to adopt?
Sorry this was so long but I needed to let this out. I am hopeing to find a solution before fully deciding on seperating. I do not want to be sperated or divorce at all.
Any suggestions?
Replies
-
I don't know anything about fostering and adopting. So here's a bump mama! -
That was crappy of him to get it done if he told you that you guys could TTC later on. Your options would be him getting it reversed, you going to a sperm bank, adoption or foster care. Adoption and foster care won't give you a pregnancy though. If you really want to actually carry a baby, then a reversal or sperm donor are your options. Really though, you married him knowing he was fixed. I don't think divorce would be right, because if this was going to be a potential deal breaker, you should have never signed the dotted line. If you want to stay married to him, consider counseling before your resentment ruins the marriage. -
I think your wrong to be upset because you knew about this PRIOR to marriage and still decided to marry him. You can't hold it over him for forever...or if you weren't able to let go you shouldn't have married him.
If you all are having problems a baby is not going to fix it. You sound like you are obsessing over the baby issue at the expense of all else. Good luck.
-
Well first of all, dating/married/commitment/whatever had he done that to me we would have broken up as soon as I found out. What a shitty cocksucker thing to do.
-
You could still get pregnant with his sperm, but you would need a doctor. They can aspirate the sperm and then do an inter-uterine insemination.
Or you could get a donor. Or adopt. (I had a very long and painful road to mommyhood, I know more than I wish I had to!)
Adoption can be affordable or crazy expensive. It depends on what you want.
I'm headed to bed now, but will check back tomorrow if I can help. Gl! -
Thank you
Quoting Jrogillio:
I don't know anything about fostering and adopting. So here's a bump mama!
-
I think there is a procedure where they take ur husbands sperm and implant in u without reversing, my friend was looking into something like that as she is in similar situation. You and your husband should explore your options together with a fertility specialist getting mad at him won't fix anything so just try to move past it and find an agreeable solution for both of you. -
Just a note about reversal. My dh was "fixed" before I met him. He hasd a reversal done 2 times (sucked for him) one healed back up. The second stayed clear but he developed anti-sperm antibodies. This is common. We never had a bio baby in the 10 years we've been together using no BC. BUT, I also have bad endo, so it was a combo.
We do have a 3 yo dd we adopted at birth that set our work totally right. No regrets here! Love her to pieces<3
Good luck!!! -
This is what I was hoping to hear (or read lol). Dh and I have been making remarks that if we could just inject his sperm into me, then we would do it. So this is exciting to see that it is possible. Didn't know anything about this. Thank you for this. If there is any chance that I could have my Dh's baby, that is what I want. Not to just get pregnant. Only my Dh's baby is who I want to carry. If there is not away to do this, then we will adopt. We knew about the option of getting him unfixed but I think I'll let him decide that.
Quoting Anonymous:
You could still get pregnant with his sperm, but you would need a doctor. They can aspirate the sperm and then do an inter-uterine insemination.
Or you could get a donor. Or adopt. (I had a very long and painful road to mommyhood, I know more than I wish I had to!)
Adoption can be affordable or crazy expensive. It depends on what you want.
I'm headed to bed now, but will check back tomorrow if I can help. Gl!
-
I'd be upset to! I had the urge for another baby and bought a chihuahua puppy to squash that, that's just what worked for me though. I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well.