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Stop using the fact that you were raped in your life as an excuse to why you have made poor decisions. I see it daily on cafemom when someone is questioned about poor choices, the first thing they say is "well, I was raped so..."
Tragedies happen to people daily, yet those tragedies do not DEFINE who you are. Anytime post discuss PA, or education, or anything else remotely controversal, there's also the select few who have to mention they were a victim to rape as if it excuses every poor decision that has been made since.
I know how it feels to be raped and violated, however I chose not to let it define who I am and chose to exceed in life. I chose not to hold future men accountable or the race of the man ruin my perspective of that race.
If you feel the need to validate your poor choices by the tragedies in life than I truly feel sorry for you. This world has so many more opportunities than your horrible past.
Tragedies happen to people daily, yet those tragedies do not DEFINE who you are. Anytime post discuss PA, or education, or anything else remotely controversal, there's also the select few who have to mention they were a victim to rape as if it excuses every poor decision that has been made since.
I know how it feels to be raped and violated, however I chose not to let it define who I am and chose to exceed in life. I chose not to hold future men accountable or the race of the man ruin my perspective of that race.
If you feel the need to validate your poor choices by the tragedies in life than I truly feel sorry for you. This world has so many more opportunities than your horrible past.
Replies
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I was raped and I do not blame my rape on any choices I've made through life. You are right, it isn't an excuse -
Only time I mention my rape is when it comes to my herpes. Obviously I didn't ask for it or even risk getting it by sleeping around. Those two things don't define me or excuse my other choices in life. They are a chapter in my life and what I do today is not affected by it -
Agreed. -
Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!! -
I'm going anon for this. When I was 19 I was gang raped. It was awful, horrific. I never reported it because frankly given our screwed up system nothing would have became of it. But
Guess what I survived and moved on and have a great life. That moment in time defines nothing about me. So OP I could not agree more with you -
I never noticed, but it's hard to say. You weren't there you don't know what exactly happened to them, or how traumatizing their rape was. Just because what happened to me has had little effect on my life, doesn't mean I can assume that everyone's experience was like mine. -
I agree completely. I turned to drugs/random sex/drinking, ect due to the fact I was raped, but it wasn't the rape. It was my inability to cope with life after the rape. I had to face the fact it happened, I had to heal and I had to move on. Rape doesn't not define us. Rape happened to us. We choose who we become after. Yes, it's hard as hell. Yes, it's painful. Yes, it's easier to just cover up the pain, but it is no excuse. We still make the choices we make, not our rapist. I refuse to let my rapist continue to control my life. He took something from me, he violated me, he controlled me for that time. But I won't let him anymore
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You pretty much said what I was going too. :)
Quoting TSNDDY:
I never noticed, but it's hard to say. You weren't there you don't know what exactly happened to them, or how traumatizing their rape was. Just because what happened to me has had little effect on my life, doesn't mean I can assume that everyone's experience was like mine. -
So you're a rape victim telling other rape victims that unless they cope as well as you, the way you do, they're wrong.
Cool story.
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If someone is having a difficult time because of a traumatic situation then they need to seek help. Not sit back and continue to make poor decisions. Doing so is only allowing that person to continue to be a victim for the rest of their life.
Doing nothing about a tragedy that has happened and not seeking help is choosing to remain a victim, therefore choosing to continue to make bad choices.
Quoting ShesALady:
Everyone handles things differently. Someone who was raped repeatedly by a family member might have more issues than someone who was walking down the street and was raped by a stranger. I'm not saying one is worse than the other. I'm saying mentally things are different and handled differently. A woman who was raped as a child might have so much pain inside her she turns to drugs or alcohol just to numb the pain. She might not have respect for herself or body so she sleeps around. Some people don't have the support they need to get through it. Some people it was their own family that did that to them so the ones they should have been able to count on most for trust are the ones who broke them. You can't say well I've been through this and I'm fine so what's your excuse. Everyone is different. Seems like people would know this by now!!!