We have always had a really open relationship about sex and her boyfriends. Shes been dating her current for abut a year and half, he is a a junior. Last week she went on a group date to our county fair. A couple days later she ask if she could be placed on the pill. I told her sure. I ask her why and if she was ready. She told told me at the fair she and her boyfriend "hooked up" (oral sex). She said after that it was kinda awkward and both of them felt weird about it. She said she doesn't think either of them are really ready to go there yet but that when they are together it's just kinda hard to stop (hence the want for pills).
I told her that they both are probably not ready for sex but more sexually frustrated than anything else. I told her thats completely normal and that sex before both of them are really ready isnt the answer. She knows sex is a very emotional act, especially your first, and can't be taken back. I also told her there are things they an do as a couple and be herself to releave some of the tension. I talkedher about heavy petting and mutual masturbation and sex toys (for her own personal use). We talked about setting limits and protecttion a little more indepthly than before.
e looked up sex toys on amazon and I helped her pick something out small and talked to her about proper care for it when it get's here. We also discussed putting her on depo. We went and bought condoms for her room and purse, dental dams, spermacide from amazon.
I'm proud of her for being open with me. I would rather know and help than not know and pop up with a grand child or her being regretful for doing something she was not prepared for. I hope that when she really is ready she will come to me again.
How would you have handled it?
by RedwallNovember 19, 2012 at 7:31 PM
Certainly not the way you did....
by Stiletto_MomNovember 20, 2012 at 4:06 AMI have Mirena, and suggested it to my little cousin who is forgetful and hates pills. My gyno told me that you can only have it inserted once you've had a child. She hadn't had her daughter then so that was out of the question. I heard later on that it could only be inserted when you were menstrating.
Look into mirena :) its what Im looking into. I started depo at her age and did great for two years and stopped taking it. That's when they changed the formula, i went back on it and i went down to ( after second ds ds) 170 pp & after one shot of depo Im up to 190 with no change in diet and breastfeeding...not to mention the constantly getting sick etc. :(
What do you suggest?
She is kinda forgetful and i'm worried she wont remember pills :/
Depo will make her miserable! Trust me.
by mimi0815November 20, 2012 at 5:47 AM
I think you did the best thing for you and your daughter, my son is 13 and we are going through that whole phase now, he trusts my husband and I and asks us different things. We also bought him a magazine and my husband talked to him about protecting himself and to try and save himself for someone special preferably his wife. However unless you have a teenage child I suggest you wait until you get there before you judge another mother and her methods. Its easy to say oh I would never and other things but unless you've been there I wouldn't say a word. I used to think the same way as many of you nay sayers and now that I am going through it with my son I must tell you, don't be shy, or judgmental when it comes to sex and your children because they learn from you and if you don't teach them to come to you and trust you for for guidance then they WILL learn it from their peers who are just as young as they are and have shit for brains. My son who trusts me came home and told me about some young girl who was giving blow jobs in the bathroom at school (mind you) and she didnt give a damn my son told her she could catch something and she looked at him like he didnt know what he was talking about. My son has shared many stories with me like this and its because of these stories I am as open with him as I can be. I dont want him learning bad things like this from other teens who dont know any better. Sorry for the long rant but I think you did an excellent job.
by mimi0815November 20, 2012 at 5:54 AM
oh I forgot to add, try the patch she puts it on her butt or her arm and changes it every week except for the week she's on her period. I wore it for 8 years after I gave birth to my first. The second I took it off though I got pregnant with my second right away:) but it did work and I had no side effects. I did try the paraguard after I had my daughter (2nd) and that was hell I bled constantly and it pierced my cervix. My husband finally took matters into his own hands and got snipped he didnt want me in any more pain. anyway its worth researching the different types with your daughter and her gyno.
by Anonymous - Original PosterNovember 20, 2012 at 6:33 AMBUMP!
by jpoveda2000November 20, 2012 at 6:39 AM
by Anonymous - Original PosterNovember 20, 2012 at 6:57 AMOkay how would you have handled it?
Certainly not the way you did....
by Anonymous - Original PosterNovember 20, 2012 at 7:00 AMHow would you have handled it then?
by AnonymousNovember 20, 2012 at 7:05 AMGood job Op I love your relationship with her. This is the relationship I have with my daughter now we talk about everything and she feels that she can cone to me for advice and she 8. So I hope it stays that way.
by AnonymousNovember 20, 2012 at 7:08 AMI hope & pray my DD & both my step-DD's (I have 10year old & a 13year old, no they do t live with us...... Yet.)
I do hope & pray that my (all my) DD's (bio & step) will be open to me.
My aunt & I weren't on the "same level", she "didn't know" I was having inter course out side & in side the house.
I hope DD will talk & be honest & be open.
Good for you Hun.