Mom Confessions

Barronbaby
BIO DAD you got your 2nd chance and your blowing it, surprise surprise
November 16, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Recently my dd has been having contact with her bio family. she is 6 and we just really told her about her bio dad. Her bio dad and i have spoke a few times and he swore up and down he would be there as dd friend and work towards getting to know her and build their relationship. That its his fault that he doesn't know his dd and begged for a chance to know her. Ok dh and i talked decided (we did years ago as well) if her bio dad wants a shot, we would give him one. Her grandma even called her once weeks ago. And dd was pumped. Well the only communication I have received from them since that phone call over a month ago is an email saying that dd grandmas mom had passed away and they would get back to her eventually. Its been 2 weeks now. Nothing. Dd was suppose to meet them in December for the first time and was so excited now she doesn't want to meet them in fear they wont like her. I tell her over and over again how much they love her, but my words don't mean anything she wants to hear them from them. I get the whole grieving process and have been through it a lot but what i don't get is why ignore the granddaughter you have complained about not knowing and even bitched the mom out because "she cause so much pain"? I just want to scream look lady i understand you are hurting but ignoring my dd isn't helping her to adjust, in fact its making it harder for dd who wants nothing more than to be accepted by her family. AHHHHHH how do I explain this to a 6 year old... they want to be in your life but only when its convenient for them isn't the best explanation. But I want to be honest with her. Or do I email them demanding they pick what they want and stick with it or stay out of dd life? maybe all i need is other input.
I may have missed something i just needed to get this out. I already told her bio dad if he hurts her that's it, he wont see or speak to her until she is old enough to find him herself and he can then explain to her why he wasn't around.

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    November 16, 2012 at 3:59 PM

    I don't think this is good for you DD. You and your DH are her parents, the second the adoption papers were finalized, her bio family were legally nothing. If you allow them around, it should be on your terms if they complain once, that's it, they should be out.

  • Barronbaby
    November 16, 2012 at 4:01 PM
    there is no adoption. so i am her parent and dh is daddy but technically her step dad. But i agree it should be under my terms unless they want it their way and take it to court.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I don't think this is good for you DD. You and your DH are her parents, the second the adoption papers were finalized, her bio family were legally nothing. If you allow them around, it should be on your terms if they complain once, that's it, they should be out.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    November 16, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    Oh, I see, I thought y'all adopted her and he was the bio dad. Either way, at this point it should be on your terms. If she is 6 and he hasn't been around, you can have his rights terminated

    Quoting Barronbaby:

    there is no adoption. so i am her parent and dh is daddy but technically her step dad. But i agree it should be under my terms unless they want it their way and take it to court.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    I don't think this is good for you DD. You and your DH are her parents, the second the adoption papers were finalized, her bio family were legally nothing. If you allow them around, it should be on your terms if they complain once, that's it, they should be out.


  • Barronbaby
    November 16, 2012 at 4:09 PM
    nope... he has paid child support for the last 6 years on time every month. cant file for abandonment on that because michigan considers child support contact with the child. we tried that when she was 2. It will be on my terms... well more like dd terms... she wants/ well wanted to know them and meet them now she doesnt feel they love her or like her because they never call her back or email her anymore. its heartbreaking. she has known about her grandma and aunt since she was born we talk about them a lot and grandma always sends her presents for all holidays.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Oh, I see, I thought y'all adopted her and he was the bio dad. Either way, at this point it should be on your terms. If she is 6 and he hasn't been around, you can have his rights terminated


    Quoting Barronbaby:

    there is no adoption. so i am her parent and dh is daddy but technically her step dad. But i agree it should be under my terms unless they want it their way and take it to court.



    Quoting Anonymous:

    I don't think this is good for you DD. You and your DH are her parents, the second the adoption papers were finalized, her bio family were legally nothing. If you allow them around, it should be on your terms if they complain once, that's it, they should be out.


  • Barronbaby
    November 16, 2012 at 8:01 PM
    bump
  • sweetboys4me
    November 16, 2012 at 8:09 PM

    i really hope they step up and make their word worth something.  I wish I had good advice.  At least she has a positive role model at home to help her through these feelings of obvious rejection.  Best wishes

  • JamminOutMama
    November 16, 2012 at 8:13 PM

    Aww that's a mess. Poor dd. I'd just see what they really want to do and not tell dd about it until its happening for real I guess... Not sure what to do really that's a tough situation for your dd

  • Barronbaby
    November 16, 2012 at 8:14 PM
    Thanks... It sucks, my words mean nothing to her she wants to hear it from them. I dont know how to get them to realize that they are toying with a childs emotions and either they need to cut all ties and move on or keep their word and stick around. at least if they cut ties i could spin it that they did the best thing ever for her because they wanted her to be happy right now she is in limbo and its not fair

    Quoting sweetboys4me:

    i really hope they step up and make their word worth something.  I wish I had good advice.  At least she has a positive role model at home to help her through these feelings of obvious rejection.  Best wishes

  • Barronbaby
    November 16, 2012 at 8:15 PM
    i stopped relaying messages until i know for sure... she cannot get hurt, its not her fault they are morons. maybe its mine for telling her the truth. all i know is she is my world and i hate seeing her hurt

    Quoting JamminOutMama:

    Aww that's a mess. Poor dd. I'd just see what they really want to do and not tell dd about it until its happening for real I guess... Not sure what to do really that's a tough situation for your dd

  • JamminOutMama
    November 16, 2012 at 8:18 PM

    Well I'm glad she has a good mom and dad in her life already!hope it works out in the end with her bio dad but its one of those things that can take time to tell whAt will really happen with that. Good luck to you and your dd!

    Quoting Barronbaby:

    i stopped relaying messages until i know for sure... she cannot get hurt, its not her fault they are morons. maybe its mine for telling her the truth. all i know is she is my world and i hate seeing her hurt

    Quoting JamminOutMama:

    Aww that's a mess. Poor dd. I'd just see what they really want to do and not tell dd about it until its happening for real I guess... Not sure what to do really that's a tough situation for your dd


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