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Anonymous
Are dads held to the same standards as moms?
by Anonymous
November 14, 2012 at 9:14 AM
It seems on here that they are not. If she expects him to help out at all, she is lazy. If she gets no free time and gets pissed that he does, she is a clingy bitch. If she does go out, she is a bad mom. If he is sick and vomitting all over the place, she is cold for not waiting on him (and the kids) hand and foot. If she is sick and still has to work and care for the kids she "is a mom and needs to do it". So on and so on. Why do we hold moms to higher standards then dads when dad helped create the child/ren as well. Now I understand women are amazing and can handle way more then men ;) but why do we just let them get away with these things. Marriage and parenting takes teamwork and both the man and woman should be team players in the match called life. Am I the only one to notice this double standard? What do you think?



Thought of another example I saw on reddit during the cafemom blackout. Dad is a frivolous spender putting the family in a hole so mom should get a job to make up the difference instead of dad controlling his spending.
or if dads half ass it when they help. If mom takes a kid to the store barefoot while its cold or forgets to bathe the child, she is a bad mom. If dad does it, well people are just being picky. Why is it ok for a dad to half ass parenting?

Replies

  • Shermy
    by Shermy
    November 14, 2012 at 9:42 AM

    In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.

  • TugBoatMama
    November 14, 2012 at 9:42 AM

     We share the EXACT same struggle, lady! Lol. :)

    Quoting Matriarch87:

    I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.



    He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.



    He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.



    I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.



    Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.



    But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.



    Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.

     

  • Matriarch87
    November 14, 2012 at 9:45 AM
    Oh I have expected him to do right and have been disapointed every time. For my hubs he really is trying his hardest but is just that dumb, is always shocked at my corrections. He expects a golden star and is all butthurt I wanna punch him in the face. Naw I dont care if other women half ass it. so long as their kid is happy and healthy.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    So we should expect them to help but not do it right? Lol its ok if they half ass it? I understand what you are saying and have had to accepting when I am just being picky to. Maybe I should add that as an example. Its ok if they have ass it but not us?



    Quoting Matriarch87:

    I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.







    He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.







    He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.







    I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.







    Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.







    But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.







    Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.
  • alwayskk
    November 14, 2012 at 9:46 AM

    No, it seems like the majority of women on this site think that men are helpless creatures at the mercy of our bosoms.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    November 14, 2012 at 9:49 AM
    I totally agree with you. There was a point where dh was collecting unemployment and going to school part time and he did nothing to help with the kids or the house. It was very frustrating. I would leave the house at 7 to take dd to school then go straight to work and come home at 7. So I was gone for 12 hours come home cook dinner do hw with dd bathe the kids clean the kitchen then do my own hw because I was taking classes on line then go to sleep and wake up the next day and do it all over again. It's hard being a mother.
  • 3xangel
    by 3xangel
    November 14, 2012 at 9:52 AM


    Quoting Shermy:

    In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.
  • Luna091306
    November 14, 2012 at 9:53 AM

     I totally agree! I really believe 100% there are men on here.

    Quoting owl0210:

     I've never seen so many women haters prior to joining cafemom.

     

  • LiesLiesLies
    November 14, 2012 at 9:55 AM
    I completely agree.

    I have this neighbor guy who hardly EVER sees his kids. He will go to Vegas, lunch with friends daily, the gym, work all day, etc. I would say he spends maybe 5-8 hours a week with his kids. Yet I am a single mom who spends every day with my child and I am a bad mom because every Saturday after my DD is in bed I go out with friends.

    This is also the man who hoots and hollars at me with his drunk friends on his porch and called me "rude" for not inviting him inside my house when I first met him.

    Ugh. Hypocrites. Lol!
  • BOOGIETHEBOOG
    November 14, 2012 at 9:56 AM

    I agree

    Quoting Shermy:

    In general, as a society, no, I don't think we hold Dads to the same standards - however, at the same time I do think we (society as a hole) short change their capabilities as father's and diminish their importance.


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    November 14, 2012 at 9:57 AM
    Lol

    Quoting Matriarch87:

    Oh I have expected him to do right and have been disapointed every time. For my hubs he really is trying his hardest but is just that dumb, is always shocked at my corrections. He expects a golden star and is all butthurt I wanna punch him in the face. Naw I dont care if other women half ass it. so long as their kid is happy and healthy.



    Quoting Anonymous:

    So we should expect them to help but not do it right? Lol its ok if they half ass it? I understand what you are saying and have had to accepting when I am just being picky to. Maybe I should add that as an example. Its ok if they have ass it but not us?





    Quoting Matriarch87:

    I can only speak for myself but for me its because my husband doesnt do things how I like and its important to me it get done how I want. So when he does help I have to act all appreciative but my ears are on fire because I cannot believe he chose that pair of socks to dress my son in, I cant believe he fed him that for breakfast, I cant believe he didnt comb his hair, I cant believe he didnt pack a blanket...for examples. I used to try to teach him but he would get all offended and say im too picky or over reacting, maybe he is right. So id keep my mouth shut and mentally tell myself to do it next time.









    He has no fashion sense and is incable of dressing my son nicely.









    He never knows where anything is at and sewms unable to plan an hour in the future.









    I dont mind him helping me clean at all but thats the one area he doesnt like helping with. Everything else I just hate how he does it...mommy knows best.









    Even baths! He always "forgets" to clip my sons nails and doesnt shampoo him good enough.









    But there are certainly a few things he can do right and I give him responsibilities regarding parenting and the house. Just not many.









    Ive never left my husband with my son longer than a night because im scared my son will go to preschool looking like a fool, or eat spaghetti for breakfast, or wear shoes that are too small.

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