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how you support your other kids is not my problem...How we support our kids is what is important to me....
by Anonymous
November 14, 2012 at 2:22 AM

Ok so exdh and I have three kids together...we were married 10 years before we split....Our kids are 13, 9 and 6 (youngest has a lot of health issues) we got together when I was just 15 and he was 18.....When we split I got the house, custody of the three kids with him getting them EOW and every other holiday and we work out summer time together...He was ordered to pay me 1,000 in child support a I went and got a full time job...(he was ordered to pay that much because of what it costs to raise my DD with her health issues...He is a good father who always takes his kids and pays support on time

4 years later and he just called me tonight asking for me to lower his child support down to 500 a month because him and his new wife are struggling to raise their two kids and her 1 kid since she now lost her job and her ex hasn't paid her  child support in 4 months....I told him no and tried to explain that if I were to lower his support that would mean me finding a second job just to care for our DD needs and I can't do that especially with how hard it was to find this job that gave me the flexibility that i need to take our DD back and fourth to her specialist and time off when she is sick....He then got mad and asked me what he is suppose to do and that i should think about all the kids involved...I told him he should make his new wife get off her ass and find a new job (he said she has not looked since she got fired) and that his other two kids and his wifes child is not my problem..the only kids I need to worry about are our kids and no body else's.....

Now i feel bad :( However lowering his support is not an option since I need that money to help support our three kids including DD and all her meds. co pays, medical equipment, special daycare for after school ect ect

If you were in my shoes what would you have done?

***EDIT***In his favor When he married her she was working and getting  child support, when they decided to have the kids she was working and getting child support so they were able to afford more during that time he has gotten a good raise....when she is working and getting child support they live pretty good


  • mhwillet
    November 14, 2012 at 2:55 AM

    What you said. You did nothing wrong. You don't make babies if you can't afford them. That is what birth control in for! Plus new wife needs to get a job and her ex needs to be a man and pay for his child support.

    Not your problem. 


  • margo2322
    November 14, 2012 at 2:56 AM
    So sorry
  • AtillaTheHun
    November 14, 2012 at 2:59 AM

    Don´t feel bad. He already had 3 kids to help take care of. It was his choice to marry another woman, who already had a child, and make 2 more with her. You didn't force him to do it. Their financial situation is their problem to figure out, not yours. Just because she is too lazy to look for another job? Heck no. 

  • thefiregoddess
    November 14, 2012 at 2:59 AM
    Still not your problem.
    Its like getting a mortgage cause you have a great job then your company going bankrupt and laying you off two years in. Plan for all circumstances.

    Don't lower it.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    well in his favor when he married her she was working and getting child support...when they decided to have more kids she was still working and getting support...with her working and getting child support they do live pretty good...

    Quoting NBean311:

    The same thing. 1000 for 3 kids isn't that bad, my brother pays 1400 for 1 child! And like PP said, he should have taken his CS into account before having 2 more and taking on her child. 

  • 3xangel
    by 3xangel
    November 14, 2012 at 6:50 AM
    I agree with this. They should've had some type of emergency savings fund for just in case situations. Also, they can't be struggling THAT bad if the new wife hasn't been searching for a new job.

    Quoting Dzyre1115:

     His second family is not your problem.  Your kids come first, and her lack of child support or job has no bearing on your kids.  Now if he had lost his job, that would be a different story, but that's not the case.

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