i came home from staying the night at a girlfriend's house out of town and couln't find my husband. he knew i was headed home. the house was quiet, so i finally figured he must have fallen asleep in the girls' room when he tried to get the to sleep.
i found him between my two year old and six year old, uncovered and completely naked!! i smacked him and told him to get out. he was "shocked" that i was mad about that silly trivial thing after he cleaned the house for me! after him accusing me of being molested as a child, because that is the only reasonable explanation as to why i am this upset, and several other horrible insults, i told him i wanted to separate.
he can't be here with my children if he thinks that is okay behavior. by the way, i have made it very clear, i am not okay with him being nude around my older daughter. After this incident, the same goes for both.
he said he was half asleep, wasn't thinking. but, why be naked at all when you know you have to take care of the kids!! id have never thought he could do anything wrong to the girls, but he planted that doubt.. these are my children. i would rather him hate me for thinking such things than be someone who looks back and realizes that all the signs were riht there.
i cant believe this is my life now...
I am not entirely sure the OP really is upset about the no-clothes thing so much as where her husband was and how generally defensive he usually is. I think the people accusing her of being upset about no-clothes can actually differentiate between no-clothes and in between two little children in bed with no-clothes during a time when the other adult is not at home.
The thing to keep in mind is that child molestation isn't really rare. You simply can't assume that it is rare.
The other thing to keep in mind is that molesters take normal situations and USE them to molest kids.
It is possible for someone to groggily get up in the middle of the night and wander in to see if he heard one of them crying or fussing. But yes, actually it is a little odd to wind up in that position with two little girls. Yes frankly I would be suspicious.
No, all no-clothes situations aren't indicative of molesting. But this situation is odd. It's a little different to have a demanding two year old burst in upon daddy brushing his teeth in the all-together, that's different from him being found between them at night by an adult who just returned home. THAT'S suspicious.
It really isn't necessary for a molester to disrobe in order to molest children. It also isn't necessary for him to be under the covers.
It really isn't necessary for a molester to even be near the children, especially at the beginning. Some of them start from a distance (need I paint a picture) and then move in as time goes on.
Molesting tends to start with 'grooming behavior'. Keep in mind that not just the children are groomed - the adults around the child are groomed - they're put at ease and the whole situation is set up, often gradually and in stages, for the molester to have private access to the child.
The other thing to keep in mind is that again, there is a difference between walking around in the all-together and being in a bed between two little girls when mom comes home from being out of the house.
Frankly, it is a suspicious situation. It's different from other situations. It's different for one thing, because one of the parents was not at home while it happened. Why did it happen when one was out of the house, rather than when they were both there. It is suspicious.
And what I would recommend to the mother, is that unless she would enjoy being found to have allowed and enabled molestation of her children, and would like spending a stretch of time in jail and seeing her children go permanently to foster care, she needs to call CPS and discuss with them, exactly what steps she should take.
"Hello, CPS hotline? I believe we have a problem. When I came home a few hours ago at night, I found my husband.....not sure why he was there...it seemed very strange to me....he had no explanation and got defensive....I am worried now..what should I do? Can you have a psychologist interview my daughters?" Or even, "for various reasons, I am uncomfortable with how my husband is dealing with my children. Can I talk to a social worker?" OR EVEN - 'I'd like to make an appointment with a social worker or psychologist, I have concerns about my children'.
Some families are indeed very casual about clothing. Some families do co-sleeping. Like a million other activities, it may be normal or it may not be. Taking a kid to a sports event. May be normal, may be part of grooming a kid for abuse (think Sandusky).
The very problem with child molestation is that their tactics DO often look 'normal' or can be explained away as something 'normal'. The very problem with child abuse IS that most of the time, what they do would be normal. It's normal to like children, to pat them on the head, to give them gifts, to want to spend time with them. But the molester uses these activities in an abnormal way. This is what you skeptics need to understand. A molester USES normal activities to hide abuse.
If something happens that makes an adult in the house suspicious, it is possible that something is not right. And unless that adult wants to be found in court to be an accessory to a crime, he or she really does have to do something.
So, to the OP - you accept his explanation, you have two possibilities. One - he wandered in to see if the kids were ok and fell asleep. Two - he is molesting or starting to molest, your children.
If you are willing to accept his explanation, there are two possibilities. One, nothing more happens or two, your children get molested. What could be the outcome of THAT? Well, for one, you getting arrested. Two, children who now have deeply seated emotional problems that may follow them all their lives.
by Anonymous 32November 17, 2012 at 5:30 AMBump
by Anonymous 33November 17, 2012 at 5:36 AM
Seriously, fuck that. I'd freak out too if my dh was naked in bed with our 18 month old.
I mean, hes showered with our son, and so have I, but hes 18, its not a big deal, but if he was naked, in bed with him, thats just crossing a line. And there is an age when you stop showering with your kids, and 6 years old is too old for that.
by SOCO101November 17, 2012 at 6:13 AM
I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and not making excuses for him. You did the right thing. Dh won't be around dd at all naked. If he takes a bath with her he wears boxers or swim trunks. She's 2 and his child.
by laparlaNovember 17, 2012 at 6:30 AM
It seems a little weird, we're not super-modest at our house but I can't really picture that happening here. If he's never done it when you're there and all of a sudden you leave and he goes and does it...I'd be a little suspicious too.
by Anonymous 7November 17, 2012 at 9:11 PM
Bump for update.
by Anonymous 34November 17, 2012 at 9:21 PMBump