My confession is when my baby was born I never had that overwhelming love for him. I had an emergency c/s I was so drowsy on drugs. The first time I saw him I just said "oh" I just saw another baby, he didn't feel like mine. I felt even worse when i saw SO crying. he was so in love and i wanted so bad to feel that.I never had ppd though I had the baby blues for about 3 days until he actually slept 6 hours straight. He's 6 months now and I have grown to love him very much. He makes me happy. I still don't feel like I have that connection other moms have with their kids though. I think once he's more independent I might. I just feel like such a failure of a mother. I would do anything for my son but I'm still quite selfish and I hate it. I just want that overwhelming love everyone seems to have.
That's my confession :/
I dont really know what to say....but you are NOT a failure as a mom, and you are not selfish. Just because you arent gushing over the baby doesnt mean you love him any less than any other mom loves their kids.
I know how you feel. I had my first vaginally. I had that overwhelming love for her. My son was born via emergency csection. I didn't remember having that feeling with him. But my dh took pictures of when I first saw him. The emotion in my face shows me that I did have those feelings. I just couldn't remember them. For the longest time I had to look at the pictures to remember that feeling.
I think it is silly to expect women to have that outward immediate tangible devotion to a baby.
Pregnancy wreaks havoc on emotions and giving birth is overwhelming to some. Why would we expect that we would immediately have a movie moment over this little dependent screaming being at the moment of birth?
I had an abstract devotion to my daughter but like anyone else, I have grown to love her in ways I never thought possible as I've gotten to know her. I think our expectations are too high about that whole instant rainbows and unicorns feeling at birth.
October 13, 2012 at 3:23 PM
That is a very normal thing to happen. I went through that with my daughter. First I wasn't supposed to have c-section, but a fall down a flight of stair and placental abruption can do that. I didn't even get to see my daught for an entire day after she was born because she was in NICU. But I struggled for almost a year with bonding with my dd. I felt robbed of the birthing experience, I didn't get to nurse her first, they formula fed her. Don't harbor those feelings of failure because you aren't. You had your birth plan change and you were out of control. There is nothing that says that you are supposed to just fall right in love with your baby the first time you see them. He was new to you and you were new to him. It takes time, sometimes, to connect. I hope that you can feel better about it. You aren't a bad momma.
October 13, 2012 at 3:24 PM
I was the same way with my oldest. He's 8 now and I still don't really feel like he's mine. I love him, but I don't feel like he's my child at all. I have the same problem with my 3 year old. My 2 year old is the only one that I feel like is really truly mine.