According ot my DH...I clean 99.5% of the time. The two basic, easy chores my DH has, he sucks at doing them.
I take care of everything else pretty much on my own. I have noticed a pattern that is really getting the best of me. A while back I woke up one morning and I hadn't really cleaned that weekend. I just relaxed, so the house was untidy but no bad. He asked me to clean it because his parents were coming over.So I spent all morning doing that FOR him as a KINDNESS. Then this is the conversation.
Him: You don't clean house enough.
Me: What? I just got done cleaning all morning for you
Him: Yea, but the only reason you did it was because my parents are coming over.
Me: No, I did it for you because you asked me to. I told you I was going to relax this weekend and clean it tomorrow, but I went ahead and did it for you.
Needless to say, that escalated in to a big fight, and I was in tears before it was over with because he kept tearing me down after that. I felt really taken for granted, and what he said wasn't even true, so it made no sense.
Now, he has done this several times since them. Just a week ago he was complaining about some clothes that HE left on the dresser. (He takes them out, then throws them on the dresser instead of hanging them back up. He got rude with me and said "No point in wearing these, since they are all wrinkled now." That really got to me, so I said "If you have a problem with them, throw them in the dryer. You are the one who left them out to wrinkle." He didn't like that I had called him out on it, and it got to his pride that his insult backfired, so he said "Well, if you would actually do laundry!" The problem with that is, I DO laundry. I am the ONLY one who does it, and what's bad about it? I KEEP UP with the laundry. When he made that comment, there were two whole dirty clothes items. The rest was clean, folded or in the closet. That's how it mostly stays.
Yes, after he acts like the hugest douche ever, and fights with me about it, he will later try to suck up and say he is sorry, but he will do it again!
Now, yesterday I was cleaning while he was watching TV. (That's all he does pretty much). I cleaned everything spotless in the kitchen and living room. He witnessed this. He then started in about my cooking!
Him: Why don't you cook every day like you used to.
Me: What do you mean? I do cook every day. Monday I asked you what you wanted for dinner and you said you wanted something from a restaurant. Tuesday I started to make dinner and you decided YOU wanted to try and make a Shepherd's pie, and now today, I am cooking. (If he cooks anything, he will hold it against me later like I made him do it when I never do).
Him: Well, you don't have dinner ready when I get home like you used to.
Me: I have never had it done then. It's always been around 5-6 pm! . So then he moves on to something else.
Him: Well, why did you wait so late now?
Me: Um, because the chicken was thawing! I had to wait for it to thaw.
Him: Well, why don't you that it the night before like you used to. You used to do that every night. (No, I didn't. I forgot a lot then too).
Me: What does it matter? I took it out this morning to thaw, and it's now in the oven cooking!It's cooking right now, and dinner is getting done the same time it always has.
So, the looks out the window and then looks at the clock and sees it's only right at 6, and dinner is almost done and says he thought it was later. Wtf! So, my blood is boiling at this point! He just makes up shit it seems like, and it seems to be only after I do something!
He goes in to a temper tantrum and is bitching about "How I am always mad" and he is tired of it. Uhh...I only get mad when you repeatedly put me down for whatever reason your little brain conjures up!
He goes to the bedroom for a few minutes and comes out and says he is sorry and he got to thinking about it and realized "The reason why she is getting so mad lately, is because she is tired of me putting her down like that".I just wanted to say no shit dumb ass! You conclude that every time you do it after the fact! Can't wait until next week, when you do this all over again..then expect me to forgive you. Again.
What would you do? I am so sick of it, it's just making me angry toward him all the time lately. I'm having a very hard time getting over it.
Sorry so long! Just reading half of it sums it up. I just explained two other instances after that, and was venting.
by Anonymous 1 - Original PosterOctober 11, 2012 at 4:01 PM
by Anonymous 1 - Original PosterOctober 11, 2012 at 4:05 PM
by Anonymous 2October 11, 2012 at 4:06 PMI wouldn't do laundry or clean or cook for a few days so he really sees how it is if you didn't..
by Anonymous 3October 11, 2012 at 4:06 PMI could have written this.
October 11, 2012 at 4:09 PM
I'd stop cleaning at all for a while if my SO did that shit. In my house nothing would ever be picked up or cleaned if it wasn't for me. And because I clean everyday when I decide to put it off for a day he doesn't say a thing because he doesn't have a right to say anything about it because he doesn't and won't do anything!
by lifehappyOctober 11, 2012 at 4:09 PM
I'm sorry, Momma. It sucks when the one who is supposed to appreciate you the most, doesn't. Stand your ground! Sounds to me like you're a pretty awesome wife!
He is obviously trying to pick a fight with you. Sounds to me like something deeper may be going on in his head. When you are both calm and relaxed maybe talk to him. Ask him what he is actually unhappy with and re-evaluate your expectations of each other.
by gabby416October 11, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Oh man, you are preaching to the choire. My ex husband was like this with me, so I left him. I caught him cheating and that made leaving a lot easier. My DF does this sometimes, so instead of doing everything, I do nothing, and then he gets it. lol. My DF is actually pretty cool about it.
In your case I am sorry to say, but your DH, is an AH. asshole. I've been watching my friend go through this exact thing with her man, and it gets worse over time. It infuriates me.
maybe, ask him if something is wrong, or stressing him out. I know that for the most part when my DF makes comments like that it is because he stressed about something else and just being bitchy.
You need to talk to him, try to work this out. other wise, idk. My DF hardly does that, and my ex husband did on a weekly basis to the point I couldn't take it, after three years of that shit I decided enough was enough. So don't ask me.