As some of you may remember we have a new neighbor. I started off relations with her by introducing myself, and then advising her that my husband has Asperger's and that sometimes he "melts down". He's never violent, but he yells. Loudly.
She said she used to be a nurse, and that she understood perfectly.
Her first weekend here she invited my son and me to come outside and play with her and her granddaughter. She was nice enough, but made several comments which got under my skin. Very condescending, holier than thou comments, including telling my son "These kids don't know what Angry Birds is, these are kids that play outside."
A few days later some things happened early in the morning which caused my husband and I to have an argument. We were loud and inconsiderate at a very early hour, and I can fully understand her being pissed that we woke her up. But she called our house, and when I apologized to her she asked me three different times if I needed her to "call the police for" me. I told her no, thank you for your concern. We're loud, but not violent. I apologized again, and husband and I cooled down.
Since then we've done everything we can to be polite and friendly with her.
Sunday night, my roommate and I got into a minor argument because of the fucking dog that his daughter brought home. There was yelling and cussing. At 8pm for about 5-7 minutes. Then we were done. Laughing and smiling after that.
The bitch called the police on us.
The police came and asked if everything was ok. We told them what was going on, and even the cop rolled his eyes that she called.
Yesterday I was standing on my porch allowing my son to go into our backyard to get his backpack. I was watching him, and I saw that she came pulling (like a bat out of hell) into our driveway. So I called out for the Boy to stop where he was and wait for her to park. She saw him, and pulled back OUT of the driveway, after she had already parked. Then she signalled for him to come across, so he did. He waited for her to park and when she got out he thanked her for letting him cross.
She said "Oh, I would never ever ever EVER hurt you! I'm keeping an EYE OUT for you. And it's my JOB to protect you and keep you safe."
She said a few other things, but they were all along the same lines. All the time she's glaring up at me on my porch.
No bitch, it's not your job to keep my son safe. You're a motherfucking STRANGER. We've known you for all of 2 weeks. It's MY JOB to keep my son safe, and it's your job to keep your nose out of my motherfucking business. <~~~ This is what I wanted to say. But I didn't. I was sweet and I called out "thank you" and she ignored me and walked into the house.
The dog is out of our home now, and that is going to greatly diminsh the stress we've all been under. But I do not want to live somewhere where this woman is going to call the police whenever someone says fuck a little too loud for her liking.
Someone tell me how to deal with her politely, but still draw the line, especially when it comes to my son?
by AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 10:47 PM
There is no need for her to make any remarks to or at your son (duh), but there is also no need for you to do anything more than a quick quip "Thanks Sally, we have got it" -- "Hey, Sally, I have noticed that you have been talking to our son a lot about safety. I am not totally sure why. Can you tell me a little bit about where this is coming from, from your perspective?"
...you know...normal conversation, that gets to the root of the issue. You might not like what you hear, but it will give you an idea of how to diffuse the situation. She might continue to be a hag, it happens. You don't let it bother you.
I guess I don't see the issue? You were distrupting people, with frequency, in, what sounds like an unhealthy way. You made it the public's concern when you let your voice carry to other people's property. They will do with it what they will. Seems legit. Talk to her about your son calmly. Diffuse the situation.
Conflict resolution - you catch more bees with honey.
Well I know we're not the Cleaver's, but I don't see her need to take it that far, especially in regards to her remarks to my son.
It sort of sounds like you do A LOT more than say "fuck" a little too loud, and that your household can be quite inconsiderate and unhealthy. Soo.....I don't know if there is much you can do. People are going to make comments, she sounds a little weird, you sound like you have a distruptive household. Both parties sound like they have issues, I would just be polite when you see her and call it a day.
by Snapdragon88October 9, 2012 at 10:48 PM
Quit being so loud! I'd be pissed if I was woken up by screaming and cussing early in the morning too. Obviously you guys have given her a bad impression. There's nothing you can do about that.
by AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 10:54 PM
I wouldn't want to listen to a house full of adults scream and cuss at each other either. I would also be heartbroken for any children who have to live in an environment like that.
I get that you don't like the way that she is talking to your child. What I don't get is why you don't see why she is so concerned for him. When you read this story, you have the benefit of knowing you and knowing what your life is usually like. You know that this is a "bad few weeks". It sounds like things have been this way the entire time that she has known you. Why wouldn't she think that this is your everyday life? Why wouldn't she feel bad for your kid and want to be kind to him?
Honestly, she sounds like a nice lady who is concerned. You say that things are better. Move on and let her see your normal life. The rest will iron itself out.
October 9, 2012 at 10:58 PMWhy are adults arguing loud enough for the neighbors to hear? Especially with kids in the house.
by AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 11:01 PMBump for update.
by AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 11:04 PMYelling can and does lead to violence. There isn't a reason for anyone to scream at each other in an argument. I don't agree with people calling the cops for every noise they hear but you should be considerate of your neighbors.
by AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 11:31 PMI grew up in a house were there was a lot of fighting and screaming and cussing. Its no place for a child. If my neighbor was screaming loud enough it woke me up or loud enough my child or grandchild could hear it i would be pissed. I make a point not to put my kid through what i went through and i would be damned before i let a neighbor take that right away from me because of inconsiderate behavior. I would also be concerned for any child in that mess. The only real solution here is to stop the screaming and yelling in your home. If your dh cant help it get him to a doctor or psychiatrist who can help him better the issue. I think she was probably letting your ds know that he has a safe place if ever needed. I also think you are mostly upset because you feel judged by her. I hope you continue to work on things to better your life and that of your dh and ds. Stay strong.
by UhuraOctober 9, 2012 at 11:40 PM
I unfortunately don't have any advice to give you in this case. I can understand her being concerned, but as you said, they were short little instances. People yell, and unless it goes on for a good while, there's not usually a problem.