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DONT TELL ME ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS (SUICIDE)
by Anonymous
October 8, 2012 at 1:47 AM
Bil apparently has been really depressed lately and been having suicidal thoughts. How do I know this..? Sil told me he mentioned it to her. Reasons: parents just went through a divorce, older brother and sister moved out of the house and now have kids and lives of their own, gf dumped him after she found out he was with multiple girls, his dad has a new gf, mom drinks and doesn't have time for him, two of his cousins passed away one from a motorcycle accident and the other a suicide by hanging, almost didn't graduate hs he wasn't able to walk across the stage but he still passed. The list goes on and on.

Anyways, I brought up this conversation to his mother (my mil) and she flat out told me its none of my business, if he didn't directly come to me for help I need to keep my nose out of it. She also told me he's really just acting out because he hates his dads new gf. And she left it at that.

I'm sorry but if someone brings it to my attention that someone else might possibly be suicidal, I think the issue needs to be addressed.

Replies

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    October 8, 2012 at 1:27 PM
    He reached out to his sister. If someone is bring it up, I think that's a cry for help. She's a 16 year old girl that was just told by her brother that he was thinking about killing himself. If he wasn't asking for help he would have just kept it to himself.

    Why does he feel this way? Idk. Maybe he feels there is no way out or no one cares about him. I'm not going to prove his point by keeping my mouth shut.


    Quoting momswag:

    Suicide has nothing to do with you or any one else.



    Suicide is a personal choice.



    MIL is right, stay out of it.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    October 8, 2012 at 1:36 PM
    How is a 16 year old girl suppose to fix it? She's hurt and confused so she came to me. My dh is the only one he opens up to. He's trying but he works away from home for two weeks. So in that time bil doesn't have anyone. When I brought it up to MIL she didn't wanna here it, like she didn't want to make it her problem. Like her exdh having a new gf is more important than her sons life.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Hate to say it but shes right let your sil or dh deal with it!

  • momswag
    by momswag
    October 8, 2012 at 1:36 PM
    You are wrong. Many who are suicidal discuss their thoughts or plans with others. It's almost never a cry for help, it's a way to prepare (usually their closest family/friend) for their death. It's a way of tying loose ends. Also, talking about it makes doing it more real. You cannot believe that if he was going to do it, he just would. There are suicide cases like that, but few.

    Maybe he realizes that he just doesn't want to live. Again him commiting suicide has nothing to do with YOU or anyone else. It's personal.

    If you choose to talk to him and he does commit suicide you may hold as much guilt as you would had he done it without you talking to him.

    Suicide is a personal matter, just like cutting or picking. It is something the person feels they have to do to be happy or stop the pain.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    He reached out to his sister. If someone is bring it up, I think that's a cry for help. She's a 16 year old girl that was just told by her brother that he was thinking about killing himself. If he wasn't asking for help he would have just kept it to himself.



    Why does he feel this way? Idk. Maybe he feels there is no way out or no one cares about him. I'm not going to prove his point by keeping my mouth shut.




    Quoting momswag:

    Suicide has nothing to do with you or any one else.





    Suicide is a personal choice.





    MIL is right, stay out of it.

  • jaynesdean
    October 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM
    Normally it's not but I think you should have talked to him first.
  • meparty
    by meparty
    October 8, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    eh.. I dont talk to mil about her kids , thats her business to deal with her other children, I am already raising one of hers.

  • BrookieCookie1
    October 8, 2012 at 1:43 PM

     

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Yes, I called her up and said I was concerned about her son. And with suicide being a factor from his cousin I really don't think it should just be swept under the rug. I think its a seriouse issue.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Did you tell her that you were trying to help not gossip?

     I'm a big fan of saying 'nunya business' however, with the familial endency to veer that way coupled with the fact thathe is a male (young adult, i assume) I'd be quite concerned. Statistically and as a rule of thumb, men hat threaten/ideate about suicide are far, far more likely to attempt it, and ar more likely to succeed (with methods like hangings and firearms, rather than pills/cutting) than women.

    Women tend to attempt suicide as a means of obtaining help. Men do it to die. Not always, but generally speaking.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    October 8, 2012 at 1:49 PM
    That's just your point of view I guess. I'm not going to stand on the side and watch this poor kid go through this begging for a way out. If you wanna do that, that's your choice. In the end if he ends up commiting suicide fine that's the life he wanted, but he's 18 and doesn't even know what else is out there. Getting him help... How does that make things worse for him? I think it can only help and if it doesn't well I know I tried where his own mother wouldn't.


    Quoting momswag:

    You are wrong. Many who are suicidal discuss their thoughts or plans with others. It's almost never a cry for help, it's a way to prepare (usually their closest family/friend) for their death. It's a way of tying loose ends. Also, talking about it makes doing it more real. You cannot believe that if he was going to do it, he just would. There are suicide cases like that, but few.



    Maybe he realizes that he just doesn't want to live. Again him commiting suicide has nothing to do with YOU or anyone else. It's personal.



    If you choose to talk to him and he does commit suicide you may hold as much guilt as you would had he done it without you talking to him.



    Suicide is a personal matter, just like cutting or picking. It is something the person feels they have to do to be happy or stop the pain.




    Quoting Anonymous:

    He reached out to his sister. If someone is bring it up, I think that's a cry for help. She's a 16 year old girl that was just told by her brother that he was thinking about killing himself. If he wasn't asking for help he would have just kept it to himself.





    Why does he feel this way? Idk. Maybe he feels there is no way out or no one cares about him. I'm not going to prove his point by keeping my mouth shut.






    Quoting momswag:

    Suicide has nothing to do with you or any one else.







    Suicide is a personal choice.







    MIL is right, stay out of it.


  • 3Dani75
    by 3Dani75
    October 8, 2012 at 1:52 PM

    I agree with you 110%...if he were to follow through on the suicide & they found out you knew & didn't say anything it would affect your marriage, family, etc... you're trying to help not be nosy, keep following through til he gets the help he needs!!!

  • Meghan6391
    October 8, 2012 at 1:52 PM
    My bil took 4 boxes of excedrin pm and my fil found him right on the edge of death and rushed him to the er where they pumped his stomach and everything he was in the psych hospital for 3 weeks on watch and my husband was told by his mom not to tell me a word bc i don't know what its like and shit like that. If you feel like you need to be there for him then do so. He is your bil and he needs someone who won't judge him
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    October 8, 2012 at 1:57 PM
    Yes he's 18. When his parents were together all they did was fight non stop. Never spent time with their children. He never had a lot of opportunities like most kids. Other kids his age are now trying to make something of themselves, going off to college and what not. I think he just wants a different life, a happy life he never had a change to see.


    Quoting BrookieCookie1:

     


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Yes, I called her up and said I was concerned about her son. And with suicide being a factor from his cousin I really don't think it should just be swept under the rug. I think its a seriouse issue.



    Quoting Anonymous:

    Did you tell her that you were trying to help not gossip?


     I'm a big fan of saying 'nunya business' however, with the familial endency to veer that way coupled with the fact thathe is a male (young adult, i assume) I'd be quite concerned. Statistically and as a rule of thumb, men hat threaten/ideate about suicide are far, far more likely to attempt it, and ar more likely to succeed (with methods like hangings and firearms, rather than pills/cutting) than women.


    Women tend to attempt suicide as a means of obtaining help. Men do it to die. Not always, but generally speaking.


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