I know I am going to get bashed for this but... Its not that hard to be a SAHM.
I had four children under the age of 6. But still when my (now deceased) Dh got home the kids had been bathed and were in their Pjs. Tea was ready within 10 mins after he walked in the door. I'd take his plate and make him a coffee. The house would be clean and tidy. (although you could tell there was children living there. We had a big playroom that the kids would tidy up each day)
I would spend quality time with the kids. We would sing songs and dance to the Wiggles. We would go to the park and be amazed at the daffodils. They would play outside while I (at 41 weeks pregnant) would mow the lawns and chopped the wood. They would 'help' me with the dishes.
I am NOT saying that my Dh was right in letting me do all the chores and cooking. Looking back it was selfish of him. But I loved him and I wanted life at home to be a peaceful happy place. I was always terrified if things weren't right he would be gone. He took his own life 8yrs ago and if I am ever lucky enough to have a new relationship you can bet your @ss he will be helping with the kids and the house.
That said.. it was managable. I have 4 children, 2 of them with pervasive devalopment disorders. I had PND. I pretty much have no family to help. But it was fun and we were happy. Some times my friends would come and i'd get to go to the supermarket with no kids! The joy of getting a basket to get my groceries instead of a double trolley and kids trailing behind! But I was always happy to get back to my kids. And I am proud of the fact I can peel a potato and breastfeed at the same time.!!
My kids are teenagers now. Its a different kind of happy. I no longer have the kids full time. But there are other things in my life now. I don't remember feeling particulary overwhelmed. Maybe I am looking back with Rose Tinted Glasses.
Anybody else think SAHM in not that bad?
Hey, please don't take what I said the wrong way. I really meant nothing by it. I had a newborn and 1 1/2 year old so I know how hard it can be. It is important to find ways to do things for yourself. I am not perfect. It has taken me a long time to find exactly where I want to be. My main point was that being a SAHM doesn't have to be boring. There are so many things and hobbies that are out there. I really wish you the best in life.
I have a 1 1/2 yr old, but that's ok. I forget, ppl like you think its your way or nothing. I never said I was unhappy. Sure I wish it was a little better at times, and yes I get bored, but its just how it is.
I am home all day about 3-4 days per week. I try to be home at least every other day inorder to get things done. When I am home I have plenty to do. I practice my karate, read, exercise, watch TV, I love puzzles, playing on the wii with my sons, board games. The things I can do at home are very numerous. Moms whether they work or stay home need hobbies. Things they love to do. I never said I was gone every day. There are so many more things to do than walk the mall. I never walk the mall. If you are not happy then maybe you should change it. I stayed home with my children so they could experience life not just stay home all day. There is no reason a Mom should be bored all the time. When I first became a SAHM I had no vehicle and had to stay home all day. I still was not bored. I have always enjoyed a variety of interests. I did miss going places though. I love traveling and driving places.
You answered your own question, your seldom home ...... Not all of us are out running around all day everyday. I get out maybe once a week if that. I don't go shopping everyday, how many times can you walk the mall? Again, everyone is different. Glad you ate happy and never bored, doesn't mean we all live your life.
I love being a SAHM. I am extremely busy but I always manage time for myself. I am currently homeschooling my two boys. They are 8 and 10 years old. I enjoy all the learning and traveling we are able to do together. I also have a great husband so that makes it more fun as well. I have time to do a lot more things for myself. I am currently working on getting my black belt in karate. I just started going back to the gym as well. Life is good. I don't ever get bored for very long. I have many interests and things I can do. I love to read nonfiction and fiction. I make sure I take time to read everyday. I really don't understand how people can say staying home is boring. Maybe that is because I am seldom home all day.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. That has got to be beyond hard. I can't even imagine.
by vixen42October 8, 2012 at 12:37 PM
its not that hard but I do more work at home than I ever did at any job I had
by AnonymousOctober 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM
I don't think its hard. Whats hard about it, is people don't really know what being a sahm entails, even being just being a mother, no ones knows what its going to be like, and a lot of it comes as a shock to a lot of people. At first I was totally depressed because I hardly went out unless it was something for the kids, and we didn't have the money for daycare, but we would if I had a part time job, which would all go straight to daycare, so it felt pointless to get a job kwim. So I'm home all the time cleaning, non-stop cleaning, and it gets a little insane, especially with a toddler, because you clean one thing and move onto the next and you turn around only to find the thing you JUST cleaned being messed up by a cute little child. Not all children are angels that do what they're told and clean up after themselves right away. It CAN be hard, and overwhelming. I don't think you give yourself enough credit. What you do IS hard, and it is not easy. That might be because of your deceased dh. It IS hard, don't kid yourself and say it wasn't that bad. Yeah sure it looks that way looking back, but in the moment of being a sahm...it IS hard. You only think it wasn't that bad because you survived it, some of us are still trying to be good sahms, and it IS hard.
by AnonymousOctober 8, 2012 at 2:55 PMTo some being a sahm is hard but there is little choice.
I have a five year old with developmental delays, mood disorder-nos, ODD, and ADHD. He is violent and extremely agressive. He must be monitored at all times. He has already given his father a cut that required 5 stitches and his two year old sister had to have her chin glued shut after he pushed her down.
The two year old is learning the violence from him and is scratching and biting everyone. She throws toys when upset and hates people. She will scream for hours if someone she doesn't know talks to her. She was in therapy for it but not much they could do.
My baby is one and because of her siblings has to either be held or put into a playpen so as not to get hurt. She hates the playpen and will fuss in it most of the time. She has some pretty severe allergies to dairy, eggs, and strawberries so her main source of nutrition is still breastfeeding ever three hours. She still gets up every two hours at night to nurse.
I'm here alone all day with the three of them and I've got several health issues of my own.
Between doctors and therapies and just day to day managing of the three my housework does fall behind and laundry as well. My dh understands and we work together.
For you to assume because you had it easy everyone else does is wrong. Not all situations are the exact same.
I loved the days that I was a sahm. I'm not going to say it was always easy but I will say it was always wonderful! Having been a sahm and a working mom I will say that being a sahm was much more rewarding for me. Its not that being a working mom is harder, I just don't always find it as rewarding. Mine are teenagers as well and I would trade the early days of being a sahm in a heartbeat any day.
by AnonymousOctober 8, 2012 at 8:54 PMLike another women said its when you are with them 24/7 and you get no "you time". Until you go to bed of course but by then its not "relaxing" its begging you body to fall asleep! I think its hard I'm tired I don't get sick days I don't get vacation days and I don't get to go to work and ONLY think about myself with a peaceful little 30min work break in between! Ugh I'm getting tired talking about it. But the worst THE WORST (for me at least) is hearing I just worked a full day why are you upset I'm going out I worked all day or its my day off I want to sleep in. ugh When Our fucking day, min, hr off ..?