Mom Confessions

Anonymous
My ex really asked me to let him stop paying child support UPDATE
by Anonymous
September 29, 2012 at 3:31 PM

Yesterday, when my ex picked up the kids (we have 2 together) he had them go to the car and asked to speak with me. He said that his wife got laid off 2 months ago and hasn't been able to find a new job. He said they have it very hard financially because now he is supporting him, her and her 2 kids on his own, the only income she now has is the child support from her ex. I said, "well sorry, that sucks but why are you telling me this". He said that he needs me let him off the hook for child support, he pays $967 a month for the 2 kids. I said "so let me get this straight, you want to get out of supporting YOUR CHILDREN so that you can support your wife and her kids, no, if you don't pay every dime you owe, I will file a failure to pay motion." Seriously, I couldn't believe that he would even ask that. He said if he has to keep paying child support, they will have to more and her kids will have to move schools, again that sucks but it's not my  problem.

My ex dropped the kids at home last night and said "since YOU won't let me stop paying my child support and we still have 5 months left on our lease, we are screwed." He said it won't help that much to have her kids go live with her ex because then she wouldn't get child support and would have to pay something (it wouldn't be a lot because she isn't working but it would be something) and they are still in the same place so it's not like the kids being gone would let them get a smaller place. I said "listen your wife and her kids aren't your legal responsibility, our kids are so they should be the FIRST people you support. If it's really that bad tell her to get a fast food job or something but our kids have 2 employed parents, they should have to go without because your wife lost her job.

Replies

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous
    October 1, 2012 at 10:39 PM

    Well we just had to lower my child support because he married a woman with 2 children. And they counted that and adjusted the support order. 

    Quoting Anonymous:

    No it doesnt. Since those kids get support his does not count towards them. when working with CS.
    my ex is remarried with Step kids and his actually just got raised, when he tried to bring in the step kids they said it didnt count in this case as they arent his kids bio. his BIO kids come first

    Quoting Anonymous:

    No, his new wifes income has nothing to do with the child support at all. but him supporting his other children DOES make a difference. it is the most common reason for modifications. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Umm must be just certaim states. Because I know that my Dhs income does not count towards the support of my ODD, (and my case spans two states and hes been her step-dad for 6 yrs)

    If you say his income counts towards her CS then hers should go down to bit the dont count it.

    And in CS cases the orginal (or oldest biological) get considered first AND she has a CS case for her kids where for the case that will be taken into consideration before lowering it. (That they are supported)



    Quoting Anonymous:

    Call bs all you like. That is how it works. no matter where you life. He married her. That means he is legally their step father. And can claim them on his taxes if they are at his house more than 50% of the year. 

    He is responsible for his kids. i never said that he was not. But he is also responsible for his wife and step kids. 

    and like i said, if he decides to go back to mediation, it WILL be modified, and take his wife and step children into consideration. Im not sure who told OP that they would not. 



    Quoting Anonymous:




    Quoting Anonymous:



    FYI, his WIFE and her kids are INDEED his financial responsibility. i dont know WHERE you are getting your facts. BUT IT IS FEDERAL, not state. 






    And you better hope he doesnt take you back to court for an adjustment. because it SURE AS HELL would go down. just to let you know. 



    Getting married, is called a life change, and it DOES affect child support. and having children, (step or otherwise) more that 50% of the year, makes them HIS responsibilitie, in taxes, as well as other ways. 



    So 3 people should support HER kids (her, her ex and her new husband) and only one person should support HIS kids (his ex wife)???? I cann BS!




  • Sarah_Moore
    October 2, 2012 at 5:32 AM
    Me either. That's when you know you shouldn't be together. Fighting all the time is a horrible way to spend your life yet so many ppl do it. One of my favorite things about mine and hubby's marriage is that we dnt fight, that and the fact that he's a cuddle bunny.
    I think the reason we dnt fight is because he handles the bills and does the budget and i just go with it. He is good with money and managing it, whereas I've never had to do that and i suck at math which is all that is. So most couples fight over money and i just prefer not to mess with that mess so that probably saves that fight from ever happening. Idk what else other couples fight about though, i just know that statistically the main thing they fight over is money.


    Quoting RaynesMommy07:

    I really couldn't deal with constant arguing. No way I could stay.



    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    I know, its crazy. If you are going to fight nonstop why be in that kind of dysfunctional relationship. People really did expect us to fight and not last because on our wedding day we knew each other for only 3 months and 4 days. But we just knew so why wait? Lol.





    Quoting RaynesMommy07:

    Idk why ppl just expect others to fight like they do. DF and I have been together 9 years, we've MAYBE had two "fights", if you call it that. More like disagreements that were solved within an hour.







    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    Me too, lol. People expected us to fight because of how fast we got married. We met April 5 2011 and got married July 9 2011. It was quick but i told them that when you meet someone and you instantly know, there's something there and you have no doubt in your mind that they are the one then that's it. When you know, you know.









    Quoting Anonymous:

    Surprise! There are couples who actually get along. Lol. Everyone doesn't have to fight. I'm glad you guys found what works for you both.











    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    Its fine, he makes me laugh with it. Lol. He's a sweetheart, and we tease each other on that stuff all the time. People are always in shock when we tell them we haven't even had our first fight. They're like OMG, lol. Usually after over a year ppl have had at least one fight.













    Quoting Anonymous:

    LOL! Tell the hubby to lay off! It'll pass. Mine did...sort of.















    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    I can't remember what the other part was that actually was relevant to the topic. I was gonna put it then i had to go to town and left it out on accident now i don't even kbow what i was gonna say, lol. My hubby has ptsd so part of this for him is really bad memory loss, he teases me all the time that right now my memory is worse than his.

















    Quoting Anonymous:

    Don't feel bad. When I was pregnant I couldn't remember anything? LOL! I thought I was losing it, until the doctor told me it was normal.



















    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    Yes, apparently pregnancy brain doesn't like me because I'm misspelling everything these days. So much for winning the county spelling bee when i was 12, huh? Lol. Can't tell it now.





















    Quoting Anonymous:

    Donor??























    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    A donar- man who has a child whom he has completely abandoned. Sperm donar.

























    Its not really i guess. I forgot to put on the rest, something happened where i had to hop off here real fast.


























    Quoting Anonymous:

    What's a donar? And how is this relevant to the topic?




























    Quoting Sarah_Moore:

    My ds's donar asked if he could start paying it again after not paying it for years and abandoning ds for almost 4 years. Nope, told him i didn't want his money. Plus ds is almost 6 and wants nothing to do with his donar.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:18 PM

    Wow, I'm sorry, that sucks :( Thankfully, my county has the sense to understand that men should support their own children before they support their step children.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Well we just had to lower my child support because he married a woman with 2 children. And they counted that and adjusted the support order. 

    Quoting Anonymous:

    No it doesnt. Since those kids get support his does not count towards them. when working with CS.
    my ex is remarried with Step kids and his actually just got raised, when he tried to bring in the step kids they said it didnt count in this case as they arent his kids bio. his BIO kids come first

    Quoting Anonymous:

    No, his new wifes income has nothing to do with the child support at all. but him supporting his other children DOES make a difference. it is the most common reason for modifications. 


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Umm must be just certaim states. Because I know that my Dhs income does not count towards the support of my ODD, (and my case spans two states and hes been her step-dad for 6 yrs)

    If you say his income counts towards her CS then hers should go down to bit the dont count it.

    And in CS cases the orginal (or oldest biological) get considered first AND she has a CS case for her kids where for the case that will be taken into consideration before lowering it. (That they are supported)



    Quoting Anonymous:

    Call bs all you like. That is how it works. no matter where you life. He married her. That means he is legally their step father. And can claim them on his taxes if they are at his house more than 50% of the year. 

    He is responsible for his kids. i never said that he was not. But he is also responsible for his wife and step kids. 

    and like i said, if he decides to go back to mediation, it WILL be modified, and take his wife and step children into consideration. Im not sure who told OP that they would not. 



    Quoting Anonymous:




    Quoting Anonymous:



    FYI, his WIFE and her kids are INDEED his financial responsibility. i dont know WHERE you are getting your facts. BUT IT IS FEDERAL, not state. 






    And you better hope he doesnt take you back to court for an adjustment. because it SURE AS HELL would go down. just to let you know. 



    Getting married, is called a life change, and it DOES affect child support. and having children, (step or otherwise) more that 50% of the year, makes them HIS responsibilitie, in taxes, as well as other ways. 



    So 3 people should support HER kids (her, her ex and her new husband) and only one person should support HIS kids (his ex wife)???? I cann BS!





  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    I DO live within my means, I have the right to expect child support since I am the one who the children live with, it is court ordered. However, if he stopped paying I would be able to make ends meet by working extra (while I file with the court for failure to pay child support) Maybe he should act like an adult and get his priorities in line.

    Quoting Anonymous:

    He isn't asking to stop supporting them forever. He is asking for you to work with him. Imagine that, he actually thought you could act like a sensible adult.

    Maybe if YOU lived within your means and didn't rely on child support to keep up your lifestyle it wouldn't be an issue.


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Please, explain to me how it's greedy for me to expect the father of my children to help financially support them BEFORE he support children who aren't his. Nothing bitter about that. Me and my ex aren't friends but we come together to do what's best for our kids, that includes both of us financially supporting them


    Quoting Anonymous:

    You're greedy and bitter. If I ever get divorced you are all the things I will strive not to be. I'm done with you.





    Quoting Anonymous:




    Quoting Anonymous:

    I hope he takes your greedy ass to court and has it lowered.

    Yeah, I want my kid's father to do his share to support them before he supports children who aren't his. If he takes me to court, it would probably get raised since he has gotten a raise but there is nothing in our situation that would lower it. So if he does take me, at the very worst, I'll walk out with the same child support order I have now and he'll look like an ass, at the best, he'll be ordered more money and look like a HUGE ass but his attorney already told him the judge won't lower it because his income hasn't gone down






  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:25 PM

    That's your choice but do you think about how you could give your children better lives if you got child support? Either way, my choice was to go child support to help my kids, why should a man not help support his children? Personally, I don't think it should be an option

    Quoting yaya89:

    I'm the same my ex does not pay child support. We have an agreement that when ever I need him to help pay something for the kids(2) I will let him know. Either way when he takes them he always ends up buying stuff for them. That is every weekend.


    Quoting 3earthangels:

    I'll be the oddball, I would of helped him out. My ex and I both understand and agree that we both need to be stable physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally to best care for our children and will help each ither as best we can so we both can be great parents. Being unable to afford housing, bills, food...etc is an instability I could help him with to help my kids have a great life. *shrug* whatever floats your boat


  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:27 PM


    Quoting conweis:

    Maybe you could pay the ex wife to do odd jobs.
    Childcare?

    Since my grandma lives with us, when the kids are with me and I am at work, I already have someone to watch them so it wouldn't make sense to pay someone to do it.

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:29 PM


    Quoting Anonymous:

    Sounds to me like his wife his helping him support your kids and now that she lost her job he can't. I hate people like you. Brings the ugly out in me. Makes me wish negative things apon your kids. ugh. I hate myself..

    WHAT???? No, the child support order has nothing to do with her or her income, it is based on his. And people like what???? People who expect the father of their children to support their children before he supports children who aren't his??? And if that makes you wish negative things UPON (not apon) my children, you should hate yourself.

  • bustybee
    October 3, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    ya, he needs to support your kids too. I hate it when parents (mostly men) try to get out of obligations

  • mybabybugssmile
    October 3, 2012 at 1:31 PM

     

    Quoting Anonymous:

    Yesterday, when my ex picked up the kids (we have 2 together) he had them go to the car and asked to speak with me. He said that his wife got laid off 2 months ago and hasn't been able to find a new job. He said they have it very hard financially because now he is supporting him, her and her 2 kids on his own, the only income she now has is the child support from her ex. I said, "well sorry, that sucks but why are you telling me this". He said that he needs me let him off the hook for child support, he pays $967 a month for the 2 kids. I said "so let me get this straight, you want to get out of supporting YOUR CHILDREN so that you can support your wife and her kids, no, if you don't pay every dime you owe, I will file a failure to pay motion." clappingyou rockSeriously, I couldn't believe that he would even ask that. He said if he has to keep paying child support, they will have to more and her kids will have to move schools, again that sucks but it's not my  problem.

    My ex dropped the kids at home last night and said "since YOU won't let me stop paying my child support and we still have 5 months left on our lease, we are screwed." He said it won't help that much to have her kids go live with her ex because then she wouldn't get child support and would have to pay something (it wouldn't be a lot because she isn't working but it would be something) and they are still in the same place so it's not like the kids being gone would let them get a smaller place. I said "listen your wife and her kids aren't your legal responsibility, our kids are so they should be the FIRST people you support. If it's really that bad tell her to get a fast food job or something but our kids have 2 employed parents, they should have to go without because your wife lost her job.

     

  • Anonymous
    by Anonymous - Original Poster
    October 3, 2012 at 1:31 PM

    Nope, I never said that. I only said that if I had to do without the child support I would have to work more (I already work full time). Why should I have to work extra because his wife couldn't keep her job?

    Quoting Lizard_Lina:

    I missed the part where op says she uses the money on herself. Is there a quote I missed?


    Quoting Anonymous:

    He isn't asking to stop supporting them forever. He is asking for you to work with him. Imagine that, he actually thought you could act like a sensible adult.



    Maybe if YOU lived within your means and didn't rely on child support to keep up your lifestyle it wouldn't be an issue.




    Quoting Anonymous:

    Please, explain to me how it's greedy for me to expect the father of my children to help financially support them BEFORE he support children who aren't his. Nothing bitter about that. Me and my ex aren't friends but we come together to do what's best for our kids, that includes both of us financially supporting them



    Quoting Anonymous:

    You're greedy and bitter. If I ever get divorced you are all the things I will strive not to be. I'm done with you.








    Quoting Anonymous:





    Quoting Anonymous:

    I hope he takes your greedy ass to court and has it lowered.

    Yeah, I want my kid's father to do his share to support them before he supports children who aren't his. If he takes me to court, it would probably get raised since he has gotten a raise but there is nothing in our situation that would lower it. So if he does take me, at the very worst, I'll walk out with the same child support order I have now and he'll look like an ass, at the best, he'll be ordered more money and look like a HUGE ass but his attorney already told him the judge won't lower it because his income hasn't gone down








Mom Confessions