My step son has been arrested for the statutory rape of my daughter Added poll UPDATE/ UPDATE AGAIN ONE FINAL UPDATE on page 177

[Anonymous]

He is 18, almost 19 and she is 14. I came home yesterday after dropping my 10 year old at a friend's house and getting groceries. I was supposed to pick DD up from her friend's home after I got the groceries but there was a misunderstanding and her friend's parents brought daughter home instead. Since step son is still in high school, about to start senior year, he still visits every other weekend. Anyways, I get home and even though step son and my daughter are both home, no one is downstairs.

I went upstairs to ask them to help unload the groceries and they are in my daughter's bed going at it.  I started screaming, no, I did not handle it well but this is my 14 year old and my step son who has been my step son since he was 12,  I think I can be forgiven for loosing my cool. He starts yelling at me to shut up and I told him to get out of my house. He told me to fuck off and went to "his" room. I tried calling dh who was at work, he couldn't answer. I go tell my step son to get out, again, and he threw "his" (really my) lamp at me and told me he was going to kill me. I called the cops because he wouldn't leave and he was threatening me and already threw a lamp at me.

The cops get here and I explain everything, they arrested him for assault and for statutory rape. I really wasn't thinking about the fact that he would get arrested for statutory rape, I was in so much shock but I can't say that I don't think he deserves it.

My DH gets home and already knows about his son being arrested and he gets mad at me!!! He was about to bail him out of jail, I told him that if he did, don't come back home because I will divorce him. We keep our money separate so if he has the money, he can do it but he won't be coming back to my home. I told him he is going to have to make a choice, he can either help his son get an attorney and everything or he can be with me but I am not going to be him if he thinks it's ok or that his son deserves his help after doing this. Also, clearly, his son will never be allowed in our home around either of my girls since he has no problem having sex with children.

Now of course, my daughter is suffering the consequences too I know that she is not completely innocent. But since she is legally a child, her consequences will be much less severe. She is grounded for the rest of the summer, 8 weeks, no TV, computer or cell phone, and even after she is done being grounded, she won't be able to go anywhere without me until I can trust her. My DH thinks that is not enough since chances are, his son will do jail time. Well, my DD didn't break the law, his son did.

I know there will be some on here who think I am the worst step mom ever but if it was your daughter, can you really tell me you wouldn't do the same?

Many of you have expressed the opinion that DD's punishment wasn't harsh enough. Honestly I do agree but I thought I was giving her the most I could give her (not letting her do anything, taking away her computer, cell phone and tv) BUT then nsaneygolover (gotta give credit) suggested that I have her volunteer somewhere instead of letting her sit on her but. I think that is a GREAT idea so I have called a thrift store that supports an abused women's shelter and they said they can use her 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. Then she is going to my sister's house (with my sister there) 2 days a week all day to help her take care of her twin 18 month olds so that she can see what it's like taking care of a child. This is not to punish her for whatever happens to her step brother, that is his fault and he will get whatever punishment he gets. I don't think it was her job to think about the fact that he could get in legal trouble for that, that was on him and he clearly didn't.  But I am punishing her for having sex. While she isn't old enough to fully understand the situation, she is old enough to understand that she shouldn't be having sex. She is also going to the OBGYN. She says that she has never has sex with anyone else. I believe her. Honestly, I check her facebook, I know who she calls on the phone, I know her friend's parents so I believe there hasn't been anyone else. DD is also going to be in counseling 2 times a week to help her understand that while whatever punishment her step brother gets is not on her, she was wrong for having sex at her age.

Upon further reflection, I told DH I would be ok with him helping his son IF he can do so and still pay his share of the bills. However, his son will NEVER (or at least not until both of my girls are over 18) come to our home or be around our family again. We talked about everything and I told him that while I am ok with him helping his son, I will not apologize for calling the police

So DH just found out that since SS admitted to having sex with DD, there will be no trial (which I thought would be the case since we knew he had already signed a written confession). SS will have a sentencing for statutory rape though I did drop the assault charges. The attorney says that he will probably do some jail time. More then likely, he will only have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. DH and I talked about everything, I asked him what he would have done if it was his 14 year old DD and he said that he would have killed the man. After that he realized that calling the police was a lot more level headed, especially after his son threatened me and assaulted me. He said he realizes that he is mad at what his son did and the situation it put our family in, not at me. We agreed that SS won't be allowed in our home UPDATE They DID offer SS a deal, which I didn't think they would since he has already signed a confession but what they offered was 9 months in prison (he would only serve 80% with good behavior) and then he will have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. While in prison, he will have to do extensive therapy. His attorney advised him to take it because the judge could give him as much as 10 years in prison and a lifetime of registering as a sexual predator. The registry will say sex with a minor under 15, over 12. His attorney also told him that he should be glad that I dropped the assault charges because if he was also looking at assault charges, they wouldn't have made a deal with him and he would probably face the maximum sentence. Also for those saying that I shouldn't have called the police and it's my fault he is in trouble, even if I hadn't called the police, my ex said he would have gone to the police and told them about the statutory rape so SS still would be in the same trouble he is in now.

Do you think I was right?

• Only group members can vote in this poll.

1. 68% - Yes
2. 31% - No

[Anonymous]

My step brother molested me from age 9-12 then raped me everyday until I went home to my mothers. He was 15 when I was 9. Make sure he wasnt hurting your daughter before and it led to this. This couldve been happening for years and you just found out. My step brother would hurt and scare me to keep me quite. Just make sure to get the full story.

[militarywife09]

I don't think it's right he's getting statutory rape charge, but he should have not thrown a lamp at you. I'm glad you called the cops, and I understand they had to do the rape charge too, it just sucks cause now he's a sexual predator.

[April620]

Quoting Anonymous:

 I think you seriously need to get some help.

You just ruined that childs life and I hope your dh leaves your ass. Not only for his son but for you having the balls to say he isnt allowed to bail his son out or else.

[insaneygolover]

 

"Isn't able to fully comprehend the situation"...REALLY? She's 14, not 10. At 14 they should know about all the dangers of sex, safe sex and she should have enough sense to know that sex with her step brother is illegal! Trust me, she fully comprehends the situation. Yes your SS should be punished, hell jailed. But did you talk to your daughter before you called the cops? Did he convince her? Threaten her? Who knows, she mighthave seduced him! Wake up! Your daughter is smarter than you think she is. Your punishment for her is far to lientiant.

I think if he does get sent to jail, she should attend a few birthing classes. Also with the rest of the summer have her volunteer at a soup kitchen or abused women's shelter. Have her do something productive thsn just sit on her ass in the house and mope.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting kjfamily:

Wow. You just ruined his son's life! Your dd was obviously a willing participant and it's not like she is 10. She probably wanted it as much as him. What a mess.I would have handled it without police involved or at least asked my husband what we should do about it.

There are reasons that there are laws about this, because at 14, she isn't able to fully comprehend the situation. The fact is, it's the law

 

[Master_Debater]

If my 14 yo had sex with an 18 yo and I KNEW she knew the consequences, I'd beat her ass and his. But no cops would be involved.

Quoting Anonymous:

I just gotta wonder what some of these women would say if it was their little girl? It would be a whole different story then!

[QuickMomma]

Exactly!

Quoting beerabitch69:

I have to agree too.

Quoting areles:

me too. his first call should be to a defense attorney, his second to a divorce attorney. what a fucking disaster.

Quoting Master_Debater:

You are ruining that boy's life over something HIM and YOUR daughter did. And then to be such a bitch as to tell your husband he can't help his own son?? I hope he chooses his son over you.

[areles]

nope.  wouldn't be for me, not for a second.  if my 14 year old girl was fucking an 18 year old, my first concern would be with how i raised her that she was having sex at 14.  and my second concern would be for the boy, whom i'd probably take aside and counsel against sleeping with girls in his high school, given the kneejerk reactions of women like you and others in this thread.

when i was a freshman, half a dozen of my friends were dating seniors.  no one was being taken advantage of, no one was being raped, and no one was fucking scarred.

the worst part is that now it's out of the parents' hands.  the da will prosecute regardless.

a fucking tragedy, seriously.

Quoting Anonymous:

I just gotta wonder what some of these women would say if it was their little girl? It would be a whole different story then!

[bustybee]

did you ask how they came to be "doing it"?

[touchingstars]

He threanted to kill her. thata why the cops were called. As for the 14 yr old she.deserves more punishmet than what she is getting sadly charges cant be put against both as for the husband I cannot give an opinion at thi$ moment.

Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

Yes, he's legally an adult. He can buy a pack of smokes, go off to war and get killed but he can't buy a beer. God forbid he have sex with a WILLING 14 year old!  Now he's going to be labeled a registered sex offender for participating in CONSENTUAL sex!

I'm sorry but I just don't understand how so many people are forgetting the 14 year olds involvment in all of this. She's by far innocent! At 14, they know what they are doing  and dare I say use sex to get a boys attention! Girls can be and are scandelous!

I have a 14 year old daughter. I also have a 20 year old son. I truly get both ends of the spectrum when it comes to a situation like this. Not that I've ever been in a like situation.

I'm not saying OP does not have a right to be mad and ban the step son from her home but she took it entirely too far!

Then to forbid her husband or else. Come on? What parent wouldn't want to help thier child?

Quoting touchingstars:

Good. Hes an adult he has to reason to be with minor at all. Plus she deserves more punishment as well

[Kymbi]

I think I would have done the same, but of course I can't say for sure, since I am not in your shoes.

I have been through a statutory rape and the drama that followed with my youngest. I can't even imagine how I would have reacted or the damage to my family if it had been with a step-sibling. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you don't know me, but you can PM if you need someone outside of it all to talk to or vent to.