He is 18, almost 19 and she is 14. I came home yesterday after dropping my 10 year old at a friend's house and getting groceries. I was supposed to pick DD up from her friend's home after I got the groceries but there was a misunderstanding and her friend's parents brought daughter home instead. Since step son is still in high school, about to start senior year, he still visits every other weekend. Anyways, I get home and even though step son and my daughter are both home, no one is downstairs.
I went upstairs to ask them to help unload the groceries and they are in my daughter's bed going at it. I started screaming, no, I did not handle it well but this is my 14 year old and my step son who has been my step son since he was 12, I think I can be forgiven for loosing my cool. He starts yelling at me to shut up and I told him to get out of my house. He told me to fuck off and went to "his" room. I tried calling dh who was at work, he couldn't answer. I go tell my step son to get out, again, and he threw "his" (really my) lamp at me and told me he was going to kill me. I called the cops because he wouldn't leave and he was threatening me and already threw a lamp at me.
The cops get here and I explain everything, they arrested him for assault and for statutory rape. I really wasn't thinking about the fact that he would get arrested for statutory rape, I was in so much shock but I can't say that I don't think he deserves it.
My DH gets home and already knows about his son being arrested and he gets mad at me!!! He was about to bail him out of jail, I told him that if he did, don't come back home because I will divorce him. We keep our money separate so if he has the money, he can do it but he won't be coming back to my home. I told him he is going to have to make a choice, he can either help his son get an attorney and everything or he can be with me but I am not going to be him if he thinks it's ok or that his son deserves his help after doing this. Also, clearly, his son will never be allowed in our home around either of my girls since he has no problem having sex with children.
Now of course, my daughter is suffering the consequences too I know that she is not completely innocent. But since she is legally a child, her consequences will be much less severe. She is grounded for the rest of the summer, 8 weeks, no TV, computer or cell phone, and even after she is done being grounded, she won't be able to go anywhere without me until I can trust her. My DH thinks that is not enough since chances are, his son will do jail time. Well, my DD didn't break the law, his son did.
I know there will be some on here who think I am the worst step mom ever but if it was your daughter, can you really tell me you wouldn't do the same?
Many of you have expressed the opinion that DD's punishment wasn't harsh enough. Honestly I do agree but I thought I was giving her the most I could give her (not letting her do anything, taking away her computer, cell phone and tv) BUT then nsaneygolover (gotta give credit) suggested that I have her volunteer somewhere instead of letting her sit on her but. I think that is a GREAT idea so I have called a thrift store that supports an abused women's shelter and they said they can use her 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. Then she is going to my sister's house (with my sister there) 2 days a week all day to help her take care of her twin 18 month olds so that she can see what it's like taking care of a child. This is not to punish her for whatever happens to her step brother, that is his fault and he will get whatever punishment he gets. I don't think it was her job to think about the fact that he could get in legal trouble for that, that was on him and he clearly didn't. But I am punishing her for having sex. While she isn't old enough to fully understand the situation, she is old enough to understand that she shouldn't be having sex. She is also going to the OBGYN. She says that she has never has sex with anyone else. I believe her. Honestly, I check her facebook, I know who she calls on the phone, I know her friend's parents so I believe there hasn't been anyone else. DD is also going to be in counseling 2 times a week to help her understand that while whatever punishment her step brother gets is not on her, she was wrong for having sex at her age.
Upon further reflection, I told DH I would be ok with him helping his son IF he can do so and still pay his share of the bills. However, his son will NEVER (or at least not until both of my girls are over 18) come to our home or be around our family again. We talked about everything and I told him that while I am ok with him helping his son, I will not apologize for calling the police
So DH just found out that since SS admitted to having sex with DD, there will be no trial (which I thought would be the case since we knew he had already signed a written confession). SS will have a sentencing for statutory rape though I did drop the assault charges. The attorney says that he will probably do some jail time. More then likely, he will only have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. DH and I talked about everything, I asked him what he would have done if it was his 14 year old DD and he said that he would have killed the man. After that he realized that calling the police was a lot more level headed, especially after his son threatened me and assaulted me. He said he realizes that he is mad at what his son did and the situation it put our family in, not at me. We agreed that SS won't be allowed in our home
They DID offer SS a deal, which I didn't think they would since he has already signed a confession but what they offered was 9 months in prison (he would only serve 80% with good behavior) and then he will have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. While in prison, he will have to do extensive therapy. His attorney advised him to take it because the judge could give him as much as 10 years in prison and a lifetime of registering as a sexual predator. The registry will say sex with a minor under 15, over 12. His attorney also told him that he should be glad that I dropped the assault charges because if he was also looking at assault charges, they wouldn't have made a deal with him and he would probably face the maximum sentence.
Also for those saying that I shouldn't have called the police and it's my fault he is in trouble, even if I hadn't called the police, my ex said he would have gone to the police and told them about the statutory rape so SS still would be in the same trouble he is in now.
- Only group members can vote in this poll.
- 70% - Yes
- 29% - No
by AnonymousJuly 16, 2012 at 5:47 PM
Your daughter has probably willingly participated several times with him.... Sorry, it's not right but it's probably the truth.
July 16, 2012 at 5:47 PM
I agree with you.
by AnonymousJuly 16, 2012 at 5:48 PMLMAO, who fucking cares? Plus, it's the truth.
Stop being so repulsive. I'm reporting you for talking trash about a child.
I hope you have a long talk with your daughter about not being such a slut.
by AnonymousJuly 16, 2012 at 5:48 PM
This is really f... up. I understand that you freaked out and called the cops, esp if he assaulted you. (The way I read it, that is why you called the cops and not the sex thing.)
HOWEVER, No matter what your SS did, his father should be there for him as well. He should be bailed out. You should not be opposing that because he is his son and it is his responsibility as a father to look out for him as well. Your SS will face enough punishment as it is already.
If it were your son who "went at it" with a step daughter would you not bail him out? Think about it...
It's his son too, for pete's sake, how can he just leave him in jail?! WTF Jeez-
Oh if it were my DD she would be punished for SOOOOO much longer than 8 weeks for just being a plain ol' slut! She should know better.
by AnonymousJuly 16, 2012 at 5:48 PMI agree, if this happened to me I would do the exact same thing you did op, if he didn't want to be labeled as a sex offender maybe he shouldn't have done it in the first place . That is sick.
Some of you women sadden me. He's getting it harder because he is grown man who is fully aware of his intentions, and knows better. He took the virginity of a 14 year old girl.
She is 14, and is not ready to make those decisions of give consent, especially to an adult man. Young KIDS that age are too naive and vulnerable. They can be coerced and persuaded even though they really didn't want to. I know. When I was 13, I remember giving in because I felt pressured by a 15 year old. Luckily he didn't get to because someone came home.
Of course the punishment is going to be different! It's a grown ass man, and a CHILD who barely in to her teens.
In every single state
The age of consent means that you can not legally consent before that age. That means that anytime you have sex you are breaking the law.
If they were both underage they can both be charged with stat rape. You never heard of the crazy parents that were having their teenage daughters charged as punishment for having sex underage
Before the age of consent you can not legally have sex. I thought people understand the law
What states have statutory rape laws stating that those under the age of consent are breaking the law? Her consenting is not a violation of the law, I'm not aware of any state that has a statutory rape law stating that a minor who consents committed a crime. Please provide links and evidence supporting your claim.
She did break the law.
It is illegal for her to have sex
They BOTH broke the law
What he did was obviously worse but she broke the law also.
Saddly life isnt fair.
But thing is HE broke the law, SHE did not.
Unfortuantly we cant punish minors for having sex even if it is a 50/50 decision.
HE should have enough common sense to think "mmm having sex with a 14 yr can get me in HUGE trouble. So i should not do it."
Ooops fail on his part.
Until minors can be punished for having sex life will remain unfair in that aspect.
Absolutely! Its not the first time it happened. Her daughter had consensual sex more than once with that boy. Now she can go forward with her life like nothing and that boy will be labeled a sex offender for life.
How in the hell is that fair?
Would you feel the same if the boy was NOT her stepson but a boy from school or somewhere else?
Statutory rape is rape. Basically, it is saying that she is too young to consent so her consent doesn't count
RAPE? It isnt rape when they were "GOING AT IT" as the OP stated. Her daughter was consenting. That is NOT rape
I think you seriously need to get some help.
You just ruined that childs life and I hope your dh leaves your ass. Not only for his son but for you having the balls to say he isnt allowed to bail his son out or else.
wtf ..he raped her hild.. he luckey his ass wasent killed.
SMH She is partly responsible for that boy being labeled for the rest of his life. it baffels me how this whole thing is his fault. Your daughter had sex with him several times.
by AnonymousJuly 16, 2012 at 5:48 PMI would punish my daughter so hard. I would probably have done the same thing if it were my.kid.
July 16, 2012 at 5:49 PMYou did right, it sucks but he has to deal with it. I think your DD 's punishment should be much harsher.
July 16, 2012 at 5:49 PMHow sad for his son... Your DD doesn't sound innocent... I doubt this was the first time and yes he made a mistake but your daughter did play a role. He will be labeled a sex offender and she loses her phone. Sounds legit. Smh...
I dont know how far back anon is so im stuck quoting you. LOL sorry.
My son is 13 and is "sheltered" aka isnt a man whore. He is into football and video games. Im not showing him how to put condoms on. He doesnt have any interest.
What the hell is wrong with these babies out humping everything that moves. I seriously think that middle school age kids that are having sex are demented and clearly have been abused. WTF?
I didnt say she was sheltered and uneducated. She knows what sex is but it doesnt mean she FULLY comprehends it and by the looks of it she isnt the only one who isnt fully comprehending!
Why would you not educate your teenager? Why keep them sheltered?
She isnt slow. She is a typical innocent child who doesnt fully understand the consequences of sex. See, this is why they make these laws. Not every young teenager is experienced and many mature differently.
Then she is either slow, immature, highly sheltered or just has you fooled. My 14 year old knows what sex is, the consequences of sex, how to obtain and use condoms or birth control. No she has not had sex and I hope she chooses to abstain but if she does not then she is well educated.
My dd is 13 and wouldnt fully comprehend.
I would not have called the cops! At 14 my DD is old enough to know better.