DH isn't abusive,and he used to be a very good dad,I just can't be with him anymore,everyday in this house kills me a little bit more,I don't like him,I'm falling out of love with him.I want a divorce so badly,so urgently...I'm just hoping that one day my kids won't judge me too harshly for this.It won't be permanent.
Thank you to everyone who replied,I know it was sometimes frustrating thinking I "won't take your advice",its hard to explain the situation you live in to a 3rd person,especially over the net,there's obviously a lot I haven't stated,how could I?its too much.
And to the ones who said "bad mom,selfish bitch,you don't deserve kids etc"you don't make me feel bad,because nothing you said was true,SO I just rolled my eyes at your tantrums,and moved along to more constructive posts.
As a mom,I can understand where a lot of you are coming from,but I can't act on my emotions alone,I have to be realistic,its hard realizing that the best place for my kids might not be with me for now,that I might have to let go a little bit to strengthen all our futures.
Lastly,I'm moving 2 hours away,first month,then look for a place close to their school and house,first month I'd drive to be with them several times a week,and after I get a place closer to them,I can continue to pick them up from school everyday and spend afternoons with them,while I don't work,if I find a job,I'll still see them after work,and during holidays.<
Thank you again,I've seen such amazing women in this post,that have given me food for thought,some have even made me really hope for my marriage to work,I didn't have the slightest interest in that when I started this post,I enjoyed reading the stories of those women,I wish I could have read many more stories of getting through the tough times in marriage.
There others I would like to thank are the ones with stories from their childhoods,and those with alternate suggestions,I was in such a dark place when I wrote this post,now I see that my options are not as limited as I thought.
I expected to be so bashed,I was surprised at the compassion,even from moms who didn't agree with me.Thank you moms.
People are cruel! I think its awesome that you are thinking of your children before yourself. You never said you are happy you are leaving your children, it is going to hurt you that you will not be with them. I do not get how people can say they would take their children from the nice living situation, from their school, from their friends to go somewhere that isnt even going to be permanant...take them form their schools and home to move around to diff schools and to diff places which may or may not even be safe? THAT IS SELFISH! I would understand them judging IF you were leaving for ever or they werent living in a safe environment. But you are talking about them staying temporarily having them stay with their father so that they can stay in their known living situation with their friends and same school, so that they dont have to have some negative dramatic life changing experience. They would not be happy with you if you took them and put them in trailor like some person was saying. stupid. I moved around so much as a child, thats not good for kids! dont listen to these other people that would rather have their kids live ina cardboard box then stay with someone else because THEY cant handle not having their kids with them. Tell me who is being selfish there!? Sometimes a mothers love is NOT all that is needed. If you cannot support them like they need, then having them temporarily stay where they are already comfortable would be fine! I hope none of these other ladies ever get in a situation like this, or else good luck to their kids.
by miyucamuiFebruary 19, 2012 at 12:57 PM
I agree with this... and i raised 3 kids as a single mom so it's not impossible.
It wouldnt matter to me how much money my soon to be ex had, I wouldnt leave my kids behind... they need me, not $$
I think as long as you are leaving just the home, but not stepping out of their lives things shouldbe okay. When every any couple splits up and they have kids, they kids have to stay somewhere. Dont worry about what labels others may or may not put on you. That is a hard choice to make. You are also making it for very unselfish reasons. I think in any and every situation when parents split the kids should be where their lives would be better off and more stable. And the mothers situation isnt always the right one. That doesnt make you a bad mom to want to make sure your kids are provided for. Changes can always be made down the road when you are more stable and secure. Best of luck to you!!
by Anonymous 10February 19, 2012 at 1:02 PM
I could have written this but I p[lan to take the kids with me. I could care less how much I struggle it will push me to be stronger and to get better faster!
by Anonymous 11February 19, 2012 at 1:02 PMFirst off, you should never make a decision based on emotion.
Second off, its haard to have a good marriage most of the time (and some can) when God isn't the center of the marriage.
Third, I am sensing you don't feel fulfilled. Instead of moving away, find a hobby, (cake-decorating? To get you out of your own house, find a church group, any kind of groups bc sometimes its not the marriage, we just aren't happy and we think that will solve it but later on you will regret leaving your kid(s),
Try doing things like
1) The Love Dare
2) The Five Love languages by dr gary chapman
3) A marriage after Gods own heart
4) Fearlessly Feminie by Jani Ortland (great book!!!!)
5) I know this sounds strange but the twelve steps and twelve traditions "aa book", it helps even with non alcholic things.
6) The purpose driven life and journal
Hope this helps! I hope you will hang in there and find the happiness you are longing for!
February 19, 2012 at 1:03 PM
You sound like a great mom.
February 19, 2012 at 1:06 PM
my best friend is going through the same thing. she DID leave her husband (after he brought home 4 STDs in one year) and had to leave the kids behind as she didn't know where she was going at the time - she didn't want to turn their lives into chaos till she got settled. and her ex is a great dad, just a terrible husband. lucky for her, he's being civil about the divorce and she still has her rights to her kids (it helps her cause that she talked to a lawyer before she left and made sure she knew what she was doing).
by Anonymous 12February 19, 2012 at 1:07 PMExactly this
Sometimes motherhood calls us to be completely unselfish. If you know you can't care for them right now, then you are making the right choice. Just make sure you can visit with them often and let them know it isn't their fault. Please keep a good relationship with your ex. My parents were still best friends after their divorce and as such I didn't suffer from it in the slightest.