Mom Confessions

Featured Posts
Anonymous
He will always be the love of my life.
by Anonymous
November 1, 2011 at 7:43 PM

When I was 20, I was dating this guy who was much older than me. He was 32. I had met him at college. He was legally blind and had to use a cane to help him getting around. He was so handsome. He had this long dark hair. He was the same exact height as me. He also had a kidney and pancrease transplant before I met him due to prolonged diabetes so he was on a ton of meds he had to take to ensure his body didn't go into rejection.

Anyway... Be that as it may. He was wonderful. The first time I went to his home, after we had seen each other at campus a ton of times, he played his guitar for. He had been in a band with his friends Ronnie and oh I can't remember the guys name, but anyway, he played a song, and I got up and hugged him and I felt a fool, he didn't hug back, until I tried to pull away, and suddenly we were kissing and we made love, me for the first time ever, and it was amazing.

He would come over my house and we would hang out, hug, kiss, watch movies, have sex, it was amazing. But he kept saying I was too young, just a kid, and he wouldn't make a commitment. I kept waiting for him to come around. I was IN LOVE 100%, and I wanted him to feel that way too.

We had an abortion together when my birth control failed. I didn't want to, and he didn't want to. But at the time, I was living with strict parents who would have tossed me on the streets, and he was living with his parents, being legally blind and needing pills, etc, he needed the help.

So after about a year of this, I had a good friend over the house. And he called. And said he wanted to be with me forever, and my friend who could hear, is going no, keep your dignity, and say NO. I fell to her peer pressure and told him NO.

Worst mistake ever.

I do love my husband of course, we have been married a long time now and have three kids.

But the bad part is this...

I'm waiting for either my kids to grow up and move out or him to leave me or him to get hit by a truck so I can look up Dave, this wonderful man I will never stop loving. How terrible is that?

Replies

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 1, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    Bump

  • Anonymous 2
    by Anonymous 2
    November 1, 2011 at 8:55 PM

     it makes me sad that you listened to your friend when you really knew you didnt want to.

    it also makes me sad that you're waiting, which sounds like its going to be a long time, for what you really want when you seem so certain that you want this. tomorrow isnt promised. but then again it sounds like youre about to throw away everything you have for something that isnt certain.

  • Anonymous 3
    by Anonymous 3
    November 1, 2011 at 8:55 PM
    That's awful. You are in love with an idea that if came to fruition may not be what you recall. Mean while you are wishing for evil things yo happen to your good man that you have!
    If it's more than an idea then you owe it to your kids and spouse to get out now and not eat up their time of makd believe. I'm betting you won't because you are too chicken to give up your safe thing for what may no longer be good. Let the memories of Dave go. It's toxic to hold them if you can't see they are only fantasy. We all have first loves and much research has been done on how our brain files those first love memories. Be realistic, Dave may havd died, may be over weight, may no longer want you or may be gravely ill. If you are set to go after him then by all means do but let your husband havd an easy out. You are failing in your partnership.
  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 1, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    He was overweight when I knew him and I wouldn't be so shallow anyhow. He isn't dead I have gone as far to look him up. Unmarried, and a CEO of a company a small one but still a CEO... But it's something I wouldn't do to my kids or my dh. I love my dh, just not IN love with him. Will always be in love with Dave.

  • HappyMama85
    November 1, 2011 at 9:08 PM

     Yikes! How could you be married to a man and secretly want him to die so you can be with some man who is 12 years older then you who you loved so long ago?? Who's to say the love you had back then would be the same now? Be greatful for all that you have....everything happens for a reason.

  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 1, 2011 at 9:10 PM

    No we had a perfect love. I will always miss him and wish I could have him back. And who cares about age? 12 yrs isnt that big of a jump.

  • jenital
    by jenital
    November 1, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    OP - if you had a "perfect love" why did you break up in the first place?

  • BV88
    by BV88
    November 1, 2011 at 9:13 PM
    This post is sad. Especially the last part :/

    Good luck.
  • B-FigNewton
    November 1, 2011 at 9:16 PM


    Quoting HappyMama85:

     Yikes! How could you be married to a man and secretly want him to die so you can be with some man who is 12 years older then you who you loved so long ago?? Who's to say the love you had back then would be the same now? Be greatful for all that you have....everything happens for a reason.


  • Anonymous 1
    by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster
    November 1, 2011 at 9:54 PM

Mom Confessions

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts