In the Bedroom

Help! We always fight about sex, but it's not what you think...
by Anonymous
January 19, 2013 at 6:05 PM
This is a 13 years worth of a really long story. I will try to give cliffs notes details here.

When I met my husband we were immediately those crazy in love people who screwed like bunnies. Anywhere and everywhere, and there was no pretense or production about it. It just happened and was so effortless and fun. After a few months of dating, however, things started to get a little weird. Instead of just enjoying each other and the act, it turned into him begging me to talk dirty to him, and when I did so, he'd tell me to say things like how hot I thought his roommate was, or tell him that I want to fuck his best friend. Neither of which I actually I wanted to do, but ok, I'll roll with that if that is what you want. Afterwards though, he would incessantly question me as to if that is what I really thought. This weird behavior continued, and eventually progressed into him wanting me to tell him about ex boyfriends that I had sex with, and he wanted me to describe in detail past encounters. I was not cool with this, but he finally threw a big enough fit that I threw my hands up and said fine. Well, of course afterwards he threw me and all of my things out and said we were over. Obviously, we got back together and eventually married. Instead of people we knew, he'd ask me to find celebrities I thought were sexy and tell him how hot I think they are and exactly what I would do with them. THAT progressed to him destroying any DVDs we owned that starred whomever I chose in semi-violent rages. If they came on tv, he'd immediately change the channel. If it was a musician, we could no longer listen to their music. I begged to not do that anymore, no more weird games, but he literally couldn't cum without them.

Obviously, over the course of us dating and the first couple of years of marriage, I grew a little traumatized. Sex became a fearful and negative thing. Which brings us to present day.

We went a few years without the weirdness, or just light doses of it. He realized what an insecure prick he was, and wants so badly to make up for it and have me be the carefree sexual creature I once was. The problem? He has gone balls to the wall the other direction, with the same concept. He will go online and find pics of people that he thinks that i think are hot and make me look at them. He badgers me about it. He still begs and pleads with me to imagine he is someone else and to take my enjoyment from it like he does, and to have fantasies, and he promises he won't get upset and weird, and says he just wants me to "be normal", but I can't. I can't do it. I have no sexual fantasies, it's like he killed that part of my brain with his emotional and verbal abuse. Everytime he asks, I tense up and decline, which pisses him off, which leads to fights, which lead to resentment, and you have us how we are today. We fought about sex every weekend for 5 weekends in a row in Nov/Dec. The fights became progressively worse and the last two were semi-violent. After the last fight, we haven't had sex since, haven't even talked about it, until today. For 5 weeks we've just been trying to be friends again, because we both said some very hurtful, awful things, and we've gotten along great and spent a lot of time together. Last night though, I asked if maybe we could have sex today. Immediately, it was like I flipped a switch and he got snippy. All day today he has been angry and mean, and making all sorts of snarky comments to put me down. I don't know what to do. I feel stupid for even bringing up sex now, I should have known better. :-(

Sex is never a positive, happy thing in this house.


  • rockyhugs35
    January 19, 2013 at 9:54 PM
    I had a bf like that for 3 years. He was exactly like that. But he became so jealous that if I even looked at a guy or talked to a guy he would freak out. It was a very abusive relationship. It is not "normal" at all. Counciling would probably help. That's not ok what he's doing.
  • Mandy121907
    January 19, 2013 at 9:55 PM

    Agree with both of these!!  

    Quoting IndianaWynette:

     I agree and that isn't love hun

    Quoting jenn75:

    If sex isn't a positive thing, get out!

    The whole fights getting semi-violent thing is very worrisome.


  • la_bella_vita
    January 19, 2013 at 10:27 PM

     I'm pretty sure I would have left long ago but everyone has their own breaking points. That's a form of sexual abuse and you need counseling pronto. That is not normal. At all. I feel terrible for you. Sex should be fun, enjoyable and expression of love.

    is he controlling and abusive in other ways?

  • Anonymous 5
    by Anonymous 5
    January 19, 2013 at 11:13 PM
    Yourhusband is crazy. Literally. He has a sexual deviant side, and a majorly jealous side. Bad combo.
  • christinad612
    January 20, 2013 at 8:21 PM
    He has some issues that are nowhere near your fault. I'd have left already.
  • Megzboys
    January 22, 2013 at 2:43 AM

    Oh wow, you need to get out of that house.  He is mental!  

  • AimSnapHolz
    January 22, 2013 at 2:55 AM

    You're NOT the one that isn't normal.


  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    January 22, 2013 at 3:09 AM

    Quoting AimSnapHolz:

    You're NOT the one that isn't normal.


  • Caitlyn137
    January 22, 2013 at 3:11 AM
  • Anonymous 6
    by Anonymous 6
    January 22, 2013 at 3:13 AM
    Honestly i can't believe you have put up with his abuse this long. You married him knowing he was like that. I would get out now. He's mental and abusive and it will only get worse. No man will EVER call me a bitch and cunt and expect to get the most intimate parts of me. Nope not going to happen. You need to have more respect for yourself to not allow yourself to be abused like that.

In the Bedroom

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